Oops, My Boyfriend

Chapter 1

When I first started college in a small Midwestern town, my dad gave me a stern warning: prioritize your studies and forget about dating. His ideas seemed as outdated as if he'd walked straight out of 19th century England, rigid as can be.Despite his warnings, I found myself about to graduate without ever experiencing a first love.Watching reality TV shows from California, where people are so open and progressive, always gave me a chill. Here I was, 21 years old, and back home I'd be considered a prime candidate for spinsterhood.But really, it wasn't my fault.Freshman year, I was all about hitting the books.Sophomore year, after realizing scholarships were out of my reach, I decided to just enjoy college life.By junior year, when I finally looked around, it seemed like all the decent guys were already taken. The few that were left... well, let's just say they wouldn't exactly make the cover of a magazine-not that I'd say that out loud.Senior year, I felt pretty indifferent about love, probably because my teenage years were behind me. Plus, with grad school on the horizon, who had time for romance?In short, I was well on my way to becoming a lifelong single.Ironically, the first to get anxious was my dad.Years ago, when he insisted I shouldn't date, I had spitefully thought: Fine! I'll never date just to spite you, and in a few years, you'll be begging me to.So when he started setting up blind dates for me, I couldn't help but laugh-then felt a twinge of sadness. My dad was actually arranging dates for me...The first blind date was with a grad student, the son of some distant relative of my dad's coworker.After watching a movie together, I knew it wouldn't work.He hadn't done anything egregious. On our way to the movie, he bought two chilled sodas at a convenience store. At first, I thought, "That's considerate."But then, he opened one, took a big gulp, screwed the cap back on, and that was it.I pointed to the unopened bottle and asked, "And that one?"He replied, "Oh, that one's for the trip there, and this one's for the way back."That was it for me.I hope never to see him again.After that, dad stayed quiet for a while. But as the new semester neared, he couldn't contain his restlessness and started talking about my uncle's neighbor.As soon as he finished, my mom burst out of the kitchen, wielding a butcher's knife, and roared, "What are you up to now? She's still young, why the rush?!"Dad was momentarily stunned, taking a long drag on his cigarette.Mom continued, brandishing the knife, "And stop smoking so much! It's bad for your health, we're broke because of your habits. How many good houses could that money have bought?"After a few more rants, she stormed back to the kitchen.Dad muttered, "Your mom's going through menopause."I think, to have a status in a family like my mom's, would be enough for any woman.