Symphony of Shadows

14. Lamentation

"Hi—hiccup?"

Shit. Hiccup cursed himself for being so careless. Of course Astrid would recognize him. It did bruise his ego that he apparently still resembled the helpless whelp from over five years ago, but that was the least of his problems. He had gotten caught up in what began as a clever interrogation—and ended in a terrifying revelation: he was being hunted. Not just by anyone, but by his childhood crush. Oh how the Gods hated him. And how had he responded to this news? By offering his help to mutilate a man. Brilliant, Hiccup, he thought, just brilliant.

But how could he leave her there alone? She was clearly more than capable of keeping herself safe—yet he knew too well how damaging solitude could be. So, he reverted to his younger self and offered to help her—what could possibly go wrong? Well, everything. Hiccup had seen the smile drop from her face, her eyes squinted to scrutinize his face, and he realized his grave mistake. Yet, he hadn't expected her to recognize him so quickly, which made him feel as if he hadn't been so invisible at Berk. At the sound of his name from her lips, it had taken all of his strength not to fall to his knees. The years of solitude and instability had come crashing down on him in mere seconds. Hearing Astrid say his name had stopped his heart, stolen his breath, and paralyzed his limbs all at the same time. He had experienced a similar effect when he had first seen her in the dark, but had the comfort of anonymity to mask his shock.

Right after leaving Berk, he felt suffocated by the crushing solitude, even regretting his choice to escape for a couple of seconds. However, he found that lying to himself was an effective solution, and eventually believed the lies that he told himself over and over again. Hiccup had Toothless, but deep down, he knew it wasn't the same. His soul yearned for a mate—an equal to share his life and his future with. Someone who would love Toothless as much as Hiccup did. After Lyra, he had shut down any such desires, pouring his efforts into finding a way to break the control the Red Death had over the dragons—which had eventually worked. Then, he had been so preoccupied with taking care of the flock and seeking revenge on his rotten village, so yes, Hiccup had been rather busy.

He realized he had been gawking at Astrid without replying for what felt like decades, so he carefully crafted his response.

"Yes?"

Astrid continued to stare at him as if she had seen the ghost of Old Wrinkly, but Hiccup figured she was technically seeing a ghost.

She stammered, "But—but you're dead?!" Her voice cracked, the knife she held trembling in her hand. "We saw your bones! Everyone knows you were eaten by a dragon. There's—there's no way. How are you here?!"

She reached out her hand and—to his surprise—started to pat down his chest, seemingly verifying that he was in fact real and not just a hallucination. She had dropped her knife long ago, yet Hiccup couldn't deny the rush from Astrid's touch.

Suddenly, he was rudely interrupted from what had to be a dream when he was forcefully shoved against the wall. Panic flared as an arm pressed firmly against his throat, threatening to cut off his breath. His eyes widened in shock and he instinctively raised his hands in surrender, palms outward. Just like old times, he thought wistfully. He certainly hadn't missed this part of their relationship.

In his delusions of grandeur, Hiccup had conveniently forgotten who exactly Astrid was: a cold-hearted killer.

"It's not what it looks like, you wouldn't understand."

"Well make me understand. Where the hels have you been?! For five years?! How could you have stayed away for so long? Do you know how much we mourned you? How much I mourned you?"

Hiccup was trying to push back against her but it was no use, so he decided to try a different angle.

"You'll have to let me go first. You're—you're pressing a little too hard."