Symphony of Shadows

24. Mercy

A/N: Here's an early chapter! Also thanks to all the new readers checking this fic out!

Tossing and turning in his bed, Hiccup couldn't get one thing off his mind: Astrid.

Was she okay?

Had she survived the night?

Was she still alive?

He hadn't known the full extent of her injuries. What if she had suffered internal damage?

What if that was the last time he saw Astrid?

She could be dead, and he wouldn't even know.

It was eating him alive.

The mere thought that he might never see Astrid again had him jerking upright and putting his armor on. He had to make sure she was alright.

He had gotten back to the island around midmorning but any attempts at sleep had been fruitless. By the time he had dozed off for an hour or two, nightmares of Astrid's screams suddenly awakened him as she pleaded for help before the fiery blaze consumed her. It was enough to keep him in a constant spiral of agony and despair.

He liked to think that he didn't know why he cared so much about the blond Viking, but deep down he knew exactly why. Astrid was a reminder of everything he wanted to be; frankly, she'd been his dream girl. However, after seeing how much pressure she put on herself and how she allowed herself to be vulnerable in front of him, it made her seem more human.

When he was younger, Astrid was an ideal to him, but now she was a person who, like him, suffered through the pressures society placed on her upon birth. Astrid wasn't perfect, and it was okay.

Seeing her that vulnerable made him want to protect her, even though he damn well knew she didn't need it. Yet he knew it was more than nice to have someone to lean on in your darkest times and accept all of you. This is what made Toothless and most dragons so endearing to Hiccup: they didn't have expectations or biases holding them back; Toothless accepted Hiccup as he was. Hiccup had a strong feeling that Astrid hadn't had that unconditional loyalty and that all the affection Berk had for her was conditional on her ability to protect them from enemies.

He wondered how she would react to her injuries. Gods knew he wouldn't have made it either without Toothless' support after losing his foot. It also helped that a healer from the Eastern Market had helped patch him up after Hiccup fabricated a story of hunting a nasty Gronckle who'd seen his foot as a tasty snack, which, technically, was the truth, just a different dragon. He found that the best lies were based on small truths interwoven to omit what he needed to keep secret.

It was now well into the evening after trying to keep himself from unraveling the entire day, and Toothless shook himself awake as Hiccup exited his hut.

"Okay, bud, we're going back to check on my friend. I need to make sure she's okay. You ready to fly?"

Toothless shook his head in protest but gave in as he knew his stubborn Viking would stop at nothing when something, or someone, was on his mind. Toothless just hoped it wouldn't end with his rider getting hurt. Hiccup got into position, and the Night Fury jumped into the air, leaving the troublesome flock snoozing below them.

The flight was quick, but to Hiccup, it felt like an eternity as he watched the sunset. He saw it as a good sign that the world hadn't fallen apart yet, and he hoped the gods would give him mercy just this one time. Astrid deserved it.

As they flew over a quiet Berk, a wave of panic hit him.

What if he found out that Astrid hadn't made it?

He wouldn't know what to do and just kept praying that he wouldn't have to cross that bridge. Hiccup pointed down at Gothi's hut.

"Down there, bud."

Toothless landed on the small wooden deck that they'd been standing on, holding an unconscious Astrid a mere day before. Hiccup nervously rubbed his neck, preparing himself for the worst. He was sure that Gothi was asleep; it was now pretty late, and he doubted the old healer would stay up all night on guard duty.

He opened the door ever so slightly and thought the coast was clear when he was caught off-guard by a thwack to the head. If he hadn't been wearing his helmet, he would've been knocked out cold onto the floor, but the hit had only left him confused and slightly annoyed.

"What the...?"

Hiccup searched in the direction of the blow and found an angry-looking Gothi preparing another blow from her sturdy stick.

"No, no, no! Gothi, I promise I'm not here to cause trouble."

He backed away slowly from the threatening elder.

"Please, I just wanted to see how she was doing, I promise. I just wanted to make sure she was alive."

Gothi hesitated for a split second, clearly contemplating giving him another beating, but to Hiccup's surprise, she raised her fist at him in promise of pain if he stepped one foot out of line and moved aside. He cautiously walked over to the infirmary bed where Astrid lay, and he felt a deep sense of relief at the sight of her chest moving underneath the blanket to take in the air.

She was alive. He hadn't gotten her killed.

Her beautiful face was almost porcelain in the moonlight, but he missed the way the sun flushed her cheeks back at the market. Her braid was undone, and loose waves framed her head, making her appear almost saint-like, and he would gladly worship at her altar. He brushed a stray strand out of her face and just gazed at her; she was beyond beauty. She took his breath away.

Kneeling down next to her, he gently rubbed her wrist where the bracelet he had given her rested. Fighting back tears, he rested his forehead against the bed.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Please, please come back."

Gothi must've pitied him in that moment as she gave him a wider berth and monitored him from her bedroom. Astrid's eyes were closed, and he wanted more than anything to just get a glimpse of that archipelago sea he'd begun to find comfort in.

"Please, Astrid, come back. You can yell and scream at me and even call me a son of a half-troll, rat-eating, munge-bucket. Just please wake up."

He felt a stray tear run down his cheek. Even though his face was concealed, he knew Gothi could feel his sadness. It was palpable.

He got up and gently squeezed Astrid's hand before turning to face Gothi. Hiccup doubted she would accept what he was about to request, but he had to at least try.

"Thank you so much for taking care of her. She means a lot to me; if anything happens to her, I would like to know. I would, uh, really appreciate it if you could send a letter to Berserker Island if she...if she doesn't make it."

He waited for Gothi to shake her head no and rush him out with her stick, but to his disbelief, she nodded. Thank Odin.

"That really means a lot. I'm...gonna go now. Thank you for everything."

Nodding a goodbye to the elder, he walked back over to where Toothless was still waiting for him. He scratched the dragon's chin and got into his saddle.

"Everything is okay, bud. Let's go home."

That night Hiccup slept straight into the afternoon and dreamt of a blond Viking riding a dragon, racing him and Toothless through the clouds. It was the best sleep he'd gotten in years, but he longed more than anything that it wouldn't stay a dream.