Symphony of Shadows

17. Oxygen

A/N: Guys i actually love this chapter, i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i loved writing it:)

Astrid was squeezing her way through the crowd, barely making sure that Hiccup was keeping up behind her. They were almost at the front and she couldn't help but feel a deep sense of satisfaction at the sight she would soon see. She pushed through the final barrier of disgruntled vikings who had begun to shout obscenities and shove each other to get a closer look. Vikings always loved a good fight and she knew the beginning of one was near.

The scoundrel before her was wide-eyed and clearly panicking, still on the floor and covering his nonexistent genitals. His eyes were darted left to right assessing the crowd while also seeking a way out when there was none. Astrid almost felt sorry for him but quickly remembered the fear she felt when his sweaty body was pressed against her and how she tried to plead for him to stop. With a sneer, she stepped forward out of the crowd and slowly approached the husk of a man.
At the sight of her familiar face, he sputtered, "You-you bitch! You did this to me!"
She only shook her head at him and said solemnly, "You tried to take something from me, something I'm sure you've taken from other girls who were only looking for directions while you were thinking of violating them. I simply took something in return. I could have dug my axe right in between your eyes but you don't deserve death, you deserve much more. You deserve to rot in the consequences of what you do and who you are." She stepped closer, her fingers twitching towards her axe but she stopped herself from carrying out her threat. His eyes were as wide as a Gronckle's behind so she kept on going.

"And do you know who you are? You're a sad little boy who gets himself off by hurting others. You are the maggot that society wants to stomp until you are nothing but a heap of guts on the cold dirt. I did nothing, I only exposed what you truly are: a coward." She reared her head back and spat on him, managing to land it all over his face, to which he flinched and cowered further. Having seen and done enough, she left him to the angry mob and walked away. The only indication that Hiccup was still there was the warmth radiating from him behind her and his footfalls. They walked in silence until they could no longer hear the shouts and commotion from the crowd and Astrid slowed. She let out a breath that she didn't know she had been holding and añl of a sudden her knees felt weak. Her chest felt like it was about to cave in and she couldn't get enough air in. She could hear herself breathing but it felt like a yak was jumping on her rib cage and pumping all the air out.

"Astrid? Are you okay?" She could hear Hiccup but his voice sounded far away and her vision was full of dark spots. She felt hands grasping her own and she was down but she was so lost. She was a monster. She broke her code. Ingrid had always told her that she must defend, not attack and Astrid had let her down. Astrid had let them all down. She was nowhere near to even finding that blasted dragon rider that she was when she first set sail. How could she go back empty handed? She was a disappointment. And what if Berk was attacked while she was away? What if the Night Fury came back? What if something happened to her family? To Ingrid? To Ruffnut?She could never forgive herself. Her breaths were getting shallower and shallower until she was nothing but a vortex of thought and worry.

However, in the swirling winds surrounding her mind, a golden thread swung in the chaos. She could hear her name in the faint distance but she was stuck. Stuck in the past. Stuck in the fear of not being good enough. Stuck in her mistakes. Stuck in her worry. But she could feel hands on her back, rubbing in soothing circles. It reminded her of when she was little and would get night terrors. She would run to her parents room and cry while her mother consoled her. The only thing that calmed her down was when her mother rubbed her back and sang her to sleep. She let herself sink into the presence and grabbed onto the life preserver it offered.

A soft voice pushed through the whirls of doubt and it joined the hands on her back in calming her.
"Shhh it's okay. Everything is okay. You are so strong and smart and beautiful Astrid. You can do anything. Just breath in and out. You can do this. Take a deep breath in with me."
She forced herself to shove air down her throat and the other harsher voices in her head quieted.
"Good job Astrid. Now breath out slowly. You're doing amazing just keep breathing with me."
Heat was slowly coming back into her skin and she could feel the source surrounding her.
"Tell me what you can feel. It will help, trust me."
Astrid took in another deep breath, closed her eyes, and concentrated on what was touching her skin. She felt her legs laid out on the cold ground, but her torso and arms were on a softer surface. Strong arms were wrapped around her and a cheek was pressed against hers.

"I feel the ground and it's cold against my legs. I feel the wind chilling my face. But I-I feel you. I feel your warmth and your hands rubbing my back. I feel your arms around me, Hiccup."
The hands on her back stopped and Hiccup became as rigid as a frozen plank.
"I'm-I'm sorry I shouldn't be touching you lime this. I shouldn't have assumed. I-I crossed your boundaries."
No, no that wasn't what Astrid wanted. She wanted the warmth back. She had been proud to never need much, but in this moment, she needed Hiccup.
"Hiccup it's fine. Can you just-can you stay with me for just a bit longer? I know I'm being selfish but I really don't want to be alone right now."
The hands returned and his arms tightened around her, grounding her and making her feel more secure.
"Of course, whatever you need. Just let me know if you feel uncomfortable or uh... anything like that."
She nestled closer to him and felt her thoughts disappear as time faded. Everything would be okay.
"Can you keep talking to me? It's really calming."
"Yeah...yeah I can do that. Um...when I was back at Berk I was apprenticing under Gobber and when the raids happened, I would get so distracted whenever I saw you. Every move was intentional, you were always in command and you were just amazing to look at. You and the other guys were usually in charge of putting out the fires but it was almost like you were gliding through it all. It was kind of like you were dancing among the flames. The light from the fired would illuminate your face so you looked ethereal yet I knew you were so powerful and strong. You looked like a valkyrie. Secretly, raid nights were my favorite time of the week because I would get to see you in your element. You are truly so incredible Astrid."
Her heart was so full it threatened to burst. To know that Hiccup thought so highly of her made her want to cry. Who knew he held her in such high esteem? How poorly he must think of her now. He probably thought she was so weak, she had been too vulnerable. Now that Astrid was back in reality, she sobered and removed herself from his arms. They were in the middle of the forest and a variety of spruce and pine trees surrounded them. Hiccup looked at her, waiting to see if she was recovered, she could see the concern etched in his face. His eyes, Gods his eyes were so beautiful. Astrid could look into his eyes forever. His thick dark brown lashes perfectly framed the green pine leaves that encircled his pupils.

"Are you feeling better now?" She snapped out of her trance and realized how foolish she looked gawking at him. Shooting up, she awkwardly extended a hand to help him get up from the ground.
"Yup never better." Hiccup eyed her hand as if he didn't believer her but still took it. She lifted him up but she still held his hand in hers. Tugging he him, she wrapped her arms around him for a hug.
"Thank you, Hiccup. I was such a mess I'm sorry you had to witness that. But thanks for being there for me you really helped me and I appreciate it a lot."
He hugged her back and replied, "You don't have to thank me Astrid, I know you would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed. I'm glad you're feeling better."
She pulled away and gave him a small smile, "You really are amazing Hiccup. I'm so happy we found each other again."
He returned her smile, "I'm happy we did too."

Astrid looked away, one thing was for certain after her meltdown. She had to find the dragon rider and his Night Fury, for her and for Berk.