Coming back to you

I love you, take care.

I sat in my room flicking through the channels, none of them caught my eye. I just wanted to find something I could dive into, to forget about my reality. I switched over to Netflix and began to flick again, through all the different series and films, I was finding myself stuck again.

"Hey.." Sara said as she slowly appeared through the gap in the door. I flicked my eyes over to her and greeted her with a simple nod and half smile. "You alright?" She asked as she sat next to me on my bed.

"Yeah." I answered simply as I continued to flick through the options. She watched and softly sighed as she got her phone out and held it in her hands.

"So.." She started and I looked at her. "There's a new song." She stopped again and I felt my heart begin to hurt, I hated any idea or thought of him as it led me to feeling so weak and vulnerable. "It's called I love you, take care."

"What?" I asked without thinking. She looked at me and softly frowned as she began to play it. "No!" I shook my head and stood up. "I don't want to hear it." I said as I turned away from her.

"Okay." She stopped the music just as Finn's voice was singing. I looked at her and she waited for me to say something.

"Play it." I sighed weakly as I wanted his voice. "No, don't!" I snapped and then fell back into my previous spot on my bed.  "I hate this."

"It's been a year and you're still caught up on him." She sighed as she knew I had to get over it. I knew it too. I slowly sat up and she watched my small movements, wary of what I was about to say.

"Every time I see his face or his voice, it just takes me back to all those emotions I'm desperately trying to hide away." I started as I felt confused inside.

"I know.." She cautiously said as she stood up. "But he sent me a message." Her words caused my head to whirl around, as if I was being thrown about on a rollercoaster. This was ridiculous and something I really didn't want, but also needed. "He's asked about you."

"Why? I mean what did you say?" Nothing made sense anymore. It felt like I had no understanding or meaning of English words.  It all felt alienated.

"I told him you were fine, happy and getting on with life." She said proudly and I couldn't help but display the frustration on my face. "Was that not right?"

"No." I shook my head. "Because I'm not any of those, Sara." I sighed as I looked away from her and just began to get lost in my thoughts.

"But he doesn't need to know that. I mean, he must have been thinking of you to reach out to me." She explained and all of a sudden my brain reminded me the starter of this conversation. I hit the rail tracks and diverted the conversation again.

"What's that song like?" I said and she took a couple of seconds to understand what I meant. She pressed play on her phone and let the intro start again. It was a slow and steady beat, with Finn's voice suddenly appearing.

The last time I saw your face,
Was something I just can't replace.
In my mind and in my heart,
We are miles and miles apart.
I can't let go, no not of you
Every time I try, I fall in to,
A world where I don't exist
I can't stay here, not like this.

Don't leave me now, I'm coming home
Don't turn around and say you're done.

Cos I need you now, here with me.
I need your arms around me,
The last words, that you said
Constantly stuck in my head.
It's a tragedy, just so unfair,
when you said to me, I love you,
take care.

"I can't listen to anymore." I sighed as I walked towards my window and looked outside. Everything felt lonely and bleak, now this song was released and it brought everything back up again.