Coming back to you

It's time for us to grow up!

I tried to avoid as many people as possible during our morning break. But it felt as if all eyes were on me, like gossip had spread quicker than any nasty bug or virus. This was school life. My life.

I hated the fact that my brain would practically eat away at me, dissolving all good and sane thoughts to just leave me with the negatives and fear. Why did I have to be this way? Why couldn't I be like Laney or Cassidy. They were so lucky.

"Where've you been?" Sara asked as she slumped down next to me. I'd chosen to escape to the big willow tree sat to the left of the school. I liked to sit here when I needed time away from others and there was only one person that knew that. Other people just assumed I was chilling for the sake of it and would sometimes sit near me in their little groups as they did their own things, oblivious that I did not want anyone around me. But Sara, my best friend since we were seven, knew exactly what I was like.

"What's that?" I ask as I ignored her question. She chucked her bag down by her legs to get comfortable next to me whilst holding a piece of paper that has clearly been folded many times.

"Well, this is a list of people I am going to invite to my birthday. I want you to check it." She said proudly as she held it out to me. "Look.." She shoved it on to my lap.

"Really, is it a party?" I couldn't help but show the disapproval on my face as I looked at few names on her list. I stopped at one name and looked at her. "Cassidy?"

"Yeah." She shrugged. "She's cool, we sit together in maths and she was the one that actually asked me what I was planning." She beamed proudly. I scoffed as I looked back at her list. "What's that for?"

"What?" I asked as I put the piece of paper on her lap. I slowly looked up at her.

"The whole 'I don't agree with you' look." I remained calm as her words lingered in the air. "You know, we are never going to fit in if all we do is hide ourselves away. We've been at this school for four years now, and what do we have to show for it?"

I looked away as I took in every single word. She was right, but I don't know how to accept it. I dreamed of days where I would fit in and I would sit at the lunch table with the popular girls or go to their house after school to get ready for meeting up with older people they knew. I just wanted a taste of how it would feel, to be accepted. But that never happened and I don't think I could ever become that sort of person.

"You know I love you Emy." She paused and I didn't look at her. "But this is what I want to do and I want you there." She added and I slowly nodded as I looked at her. A small smile grew on her face. "You saying yes?"

"Yes. I'll be there." I sighed and she quickly opened her arms and leaned over to me, pulling me tightly into her. I couldn't prevent the smile that appeared on my face  as I felt good that she was happy, I cared for Sara and always wanted her to be happy.

"Plus, We're thinking of sneaking out in the middle of the night. It's a slumber party, so maybe we could see what Finn and his mates are doing?" She wiggled her eyebrows playfully and smirked.

"No..that's not a good idea." I sat up straight and shook my head.

"What part? The boys or the slumber party?" I looked at her and desperately wanted to say 'both', but I kept it simple.

"The boys.." I sighed and she rolled her eyes.

"It will be fine, we need this sort of fun. Honestly, the girls around us actually act older than my sister, I feel like we act like a little kid." She whined and I looked away. Her words stung, but I knew deep down she was right. We did need to grow up, we needed to do these things because that's what teenagers did. I just didn't have the confidence to believe I could be that type of girl. The type to have fun, be around boys, break rules etc. I was just too reserved. And, an over thinker.

"Okay, so when is this slumber party?" I asked quietly and she shrieked happily, causing a few people near us to look over. I turned my head away as I looked at Sara.

"Well, as you know my birthday is on friday. So I was thinking, friday." She shrugged and laughed.

"Today is wednesday." I stated knowing that her birthday was in two days. "Have you asked your parents?" I added and she nodded confidently.

"Yup. Plus, my Dad is away for work so Mum is having a few friends round for a girly night. So they will all have food, wine, gin and just basically be out of our way." She said proudly. I smiled as I could already see her Mum, Elaine, having time with her other Mum friends. She often would host for her girly nights and sometimes she would include me and Sara. We were allowed a couple of glasses of wine spritzers which mainly consisted of lemonade and a small splash of wine.

"Sounds good." I tried to sound as positive as possible. It must have worked because she quickly turned her position to face me as she displayed a very big smile. The smile that told me she knew something and wanted clarification.

"Tell me, what happened in English this morning?" She asked and I knew exactly what she had meant. Her friend, Cassidy must have mentioned what happened.

"I walked out." I stated and she rolled her eyes.

"I know that part. But why? Cass mentioned that Finn said something to you and you freaked out." She asked and I immediately felt the fire begin to rise in my stomach. Cass? Since when was she nicknaming her?

"I didn't freak out." I lied and looked away from her. "I just didn't want any help."

"Are you crazy? How long have you crushed on Finn?" She snapped and let out a big sigh. "Jeez."

"It's ridiculous okay? I honestly need to get over this because I am going to be one of those stupid and pathetic psycho girls." I snapped back as I looked at her. She suddenly let her face relax allowing a sympathetic smile to appear on her face.

"It's not ridiculous, you just need to grow your confidence." She stopped as the school bell rang. It was time for us to go to our next lesson but I didn't want to. She quickly grabbed her bag and stuffed her piece of paper inside and stood up. "It's time for us to grow up." I didn't say anything. I just grabbed my bag and stood up too, then followed her into the school building.