Why Don't You Stay: KimChay Fanfic

Chapter 15: Sick Days

Previous Chapter:

I come back from the shower and Chay is asleep. After I get what I need, I clean him up. I'm careful not to wake him. I cover him up and see his forgotten work on the other side. I pick it up and go over it to understand what needs to be done. I look over at my Porchay and smile. He doesn't need to overwork himself when it comes to school. I will happily do it all for him.

End of previous chapter:

Chay POV:
The first thing I notice as I become conscious is the feeling of warm skin against mine. My eyes flutter open and find Kim's face close to mine. I can feel the air coming from him, hitting my face. I decided to give him a small morning peck. As my lips touched his, my hand made its way onto his cheek.
It was then I noticed, Kim feels like he's running a fever. I pull back and put my hand on his forehead. As I suspected he's burning up. I go to slip out of bed, but he locks his hand around my waist.

Chay: Love, just go back to sleep. I'll be right back, I promise.

Kim: School? I'll go with you.

Chay: Not today. I'm gonna stay home and take care of you.

Kim: That sounds nice. My head is killing me.

Chay: I will get you some medicine, but you have to let go first.

Kim nods with eyes still closed and loosens his grip enough for me to slip out.

I get medicine for fever and headaches from the bathroom cabinet. Then on a tray I put them down. Along with the Tom Yum soup. I made it after I got out of bed. Last minute I remembered to get some water for Kim as well.

When I come back, he's sleeping. I put the tray down and took a closer look at him. His face is contorted with fear. He's now sweating and chest is rapidly moving.

Kim: Don't make me…..please….no.

I've never heard Kim pleading like that. It was so raw with fear.

Chay: Kim, love. It's not real. You're safe, with me.

I repeat these words, while rubbing his arms soothingly. His breathing calms and he grabs my hand.

Kim: Porchay?

Chay: Yes, I'm here.

Kim: I'm scared, baby.

His eyes were still shut tight and the grip he had on my hand was just as tight. I use my free hand to trace small circles of his stomach.

Chay: I won't let anything hurt you.

Kim: Just…don't leave me..please, Chay.

His eyes now open and penetrate into me. When his voice broke, I wished I could find a way to erase all the fear he feels right now.

Chay: I will never not be here for you. You can always count on me to be by your side.

His grip eased up and I gave him the pills.

Chay: You need to eat. I made you soup.

Kim: It smells good, thank you.

He tried to take the spoon, but I beat him to it.

Chay: Let me.

I brought the soup close to his mouth, but it was still smiling.

Chay: You have to open your mouth.

He still didn't stop smiling and staring. An idea comes to mind, to bring him back to reality.

Chay: Baby. Can you open up for me?

His eyes widened at the same time he roughly swallowed. He then parts his lips obediently.
He's closing his lips around the spoo, when my thoughts slip out.

Chay: Good boy, baby.

He chokes and I start patting his back.

Kim: I'm o-okay.

Chay: What happened?

Kim: I-uh-I just-it went down the wrong pipe.

Chay: You're cute when you sutter.

I chuckle a little at the sight of Kim getting started to blush.

Chay: You're getting very red.

Kim: It's the fever….Do you want to watch something in bed?

Chay: Sure we can. After you eat more.

Half an hour later.

Kim is laying between my legs, with his head on my lap. I'm playing with his hair, while his hands rub over my knee repeatedly.

Chay: Why do you keep rubbing my knee?

Kim: I like it.

Chay: You like my knee???

Kim: I like every part of you.

I just continue to play with his hair and smile from ear to ear.

We get further into the movie. Despite the peace and happiness that I feel being with Kim like this. My mind can't help but feel plagued by not knowing what causes so much fear in Kim. He's not a man who's easily afraid. Even if he was, he would never let it show. Even with me, I've seen him scared so few times. Kim also rarely allows himself to be so vulnerable. Even with me, who he is the most open with.

Chay: P'Kim, can I ask you a question?

Kim: Mmm.

Chay: What was your nightmare about?

Kim's hand stopped moving on my knee. I gave a small squeeze to his shoulder.

Chay: You don't have to tell me.

Kim: If I'm going to tell anyone it would be you.
It was about the first time I murdered someone. 

I keep silent and let him take as long as he needs before continuing.

Kim: I never told anyone the story. I really tried to forget it, but no matter what I did I couldn't. I was 10. Tankhun had been kidnapped again. My father saw my rage at what happened to Khun. One day he took me down to the cell. When I entered, a man, who was one of the men who kidnapped Khun, was there. He was tied up and clearly badly beaten. My father handed me a gun. He told me, 'In this family we don't allow others to walk over us. We don't just get even, we finish what they started.'
I was so angry at this man. Thinking about everything Khun had to go through because of him. I pointed the gun at him, as I'd done during my practices. My finger was ready to pull the trigger. But, everything inside me was begging me not to. My head just kept screaming, 'Don't make me father. Please. I don't want to be a killer.'

I could feel the way his body was tensing up. I squeezed his shoulder again, to remind him that I was still here. He reached up and took my hand in his. His body is relaxing a little.

Kim: I kept quiet and showed nothing on my face. I shot and the man was dead. My father patted me on the back and it made me feel sick to my stomach. Knowing he was praising me for what I just did. I left and locked myself in my room for weeks. I barely ate or drank anything. When I did sleep I was tortured by nightmares of the memory of it. I didn't speak to anyone, but Kinn one time. All I asked was for him to cover for me with father. I couldn't let my father see how much it affected me. Eventually I learned to become numb to the feelings. After that killing became frighteningly easy for me. I didn't feel anything, but anger.

I hug him tightly and give him a long kiss on top of his head. Still with my lips touching his head, I say the only thing that feels right.

Chay: It wasn't fair for you to be in that situation. I know nothing I say or can change the pain it still causes you. But, I promise any time it's hurting you, I'll be by your side. You won't ever have to suffer alone again.