Why Don't You Stay: KimChay Fanfic

Chapter 12: The Hugging Moment

Previous Chapter:

I take out my gun and fire a shot perfectly in the center of his forehead. His body slumps and I smile at the small release of pressure from chest that killing someone who dared to put Chay in danger gave me.

Porsche: Fuck.

Kim: I told you to leave.

Chay: P'Kim?

My heart is pounding so loud it seems I can hear it in my ears. The smile wiped off my face and I turned around praying I was hearing things. I'm faced with Chay, who has an unreadable expression.

Kim: My love.

End of previous chapter.

Kim's POV:
Chay doesn't even act like he heard me so much as breathing let alone having spoken. I come to sense and realize that my Chay just saw me kill someone in cold blood. He might be angry right now, but at least have to first check that he's alright.

Kim: Chay? Are you okay?

Chay: Porsche give us a minute.

Porsche: But, Chay I really think we should talk-

Chay: Porsche, a minute please.

Porsche takes a last look at his brother and walks up the stairs. On his way up he turns around and gestures a knife slitting his throat with his finger at me.

Kim: I will explain. I just need to know you're okay. I know how hard the first time you saw dead bodies was in the bar and I'm sorry that you had to see this-

Chay: Kim!

Kim: Yes?

My voice sounds a little weak when it comes out.

Chay: I'm fine seeing a dead body.

Kim: I know, but you just watched me kill him.

Chay: I've seen you kill people before.

Kim: When?

Chay: You thought I wasn't going to check the security footage from the bar. I'm not going to see a bunch of dead bodies and not see with my own eyes what was happening behind me.

Kim: I figured you would find out it was me. I just didn't expect you to actually want to see what happened.

Chay: Why wouldn't I?

I stayed silent as my guilt crept up from inside me. I honestly did know Chay would put two and two together. But, I had hoped he wouldn't look at the footage. I didn't think he would want to see me kill people so close to him or watch as I left him to deal with it alone. I should've deleted it, but at the time I was so consumed with protecting him. I wasn't my careful self.

Chay: It was hard, you know. I had nightmares for a month.

Kim: I know, I asked Khun to keep watch on you for me. I did what I could from afar.

Chay: You didn't do what you could. You could've stayed. It's fine that you weren't ready to admit you had feelings for me. It's fine even if you weren't ready to apologize for hurting me. What's not fine is you leaving me when I needed you most. All you had to do was be there.

I want to apologize, but it doesn't feel like enough. 

Chay: I just want you to know how I felt then. But, those nightmares were never about the bodies. They were about you almost getting killed. I sat there completely unaware of the guns pointed at your heart. I could deal with those bodies. What I couldn't deal with is almost losing you.