Why Don't You Stay: KimChay Fanfic

Chapter 2: Say What You Feel.

Previous Chapter:

I know I shouldn't. I know he'll regret it in the morning. But, seeing those pleading eyes and feeling the warmth of his hand. I can't find the will power in myself to say no. I unbutton my shirt a little for comfort. I climb into bed, beside him.

End of previous chapter:

Porchay's POV:
I woke up to a powerful headache. I go to move my arm to my forehead. When I become aware of the sleeping body I'm wrapped around. My pulse quickens, as the memories of last night come back to me. Did P'Kim actually mean what he said? How am I supposed to trust him again? I don't know how to tell the difference between his lies and truths. They all sound the same to me. But, why did last night feel so different? His tone was different. Softer, sincere, and a little scared. I've never heard fear in P'Kim's voice before. What am I supposed to say to him when he wakes up? I don't have an answer for him. I don't even have an answer for myself.

Kim: I can always tell when you're asleep or awake.

Chay: How?

I try to keep my voice calm, but I feel nothing close to calm.

Kim: Your breathing increases and your face starts to heat up.

Chay: That only happens when I wake up with you.

Kim: Good. I like that only I can make you react like that.

I can't distinguish if this is reality or fantasy. I swear P'Kim's heart is racing as fast as mine. I press my head harder onto his chest. Trying to be sure of what I'm hearing. He starts to stroke my head in silence.

Kim: Can you hear it clearly now? 

I bite on my lower lip. A little embarrassed that he figured out what I was doing.

Chay: I don't know what you mean.

Kim: Chay, will you look at me?

I lift my head and find a big smile plastered on his face.

Kim: Can I listen to yours?

Chay: Why?

I shouted, panicking. I don't want him to know how my heart reacts to him.

Kim: I just want to hear it?

I get the feeling he's holding back something. I'm reminded of last night's conversation. Where he told me that he wasn't good at expressing what he feels because his father never wanted him to. This is only the second time P'Kim has opened up to me. The first being, him telling me that Wik was someone he preferred over Kim. Last time I responded with what my heart was telling me. I see no reason to respond differently than that.

Chay: If you have something to say, just say it. Your father didn't want to hear your feelings, but I do. I never want you to hold anything back with me. Good or bad, I prefer the truth.

Kim seemed to freeze for a moment. It even felt like he stopped breathing for a few seconds.

Kim: You really want to? I may not always say things you would like to hear.

Chay: I told you, good or bad the truth is what I want.

Kim: I want to hear your heart, to see if you still feel the same as I do. I understand I've hurt you a lot. I know I don't deserve you and I never will. But I can't stop myself from hoping against hope that you still love me.

I take his clenched fist and unfold it. I press it right on my heart, letting him feel the fast rhythm.
I see tears start to fall from his eyes. Without my brain's permission, I leaned forward, and kissed both his watery eyes. I'm not sure why. I know I can't forgive him yet. I don't even know if I can trust him again. But, I couldn't let him sit alone in his pain. No matter how much he has hurt me, his pain will always be mine. P'Kim doesn't open his eyes after the kisses. He instead embraces me and allows more tears to fall. I put my arms around his back drawing soothing circles.