The curse of Gears ( MC No limits Books 5)

Chapter 13

Gears

There was something so calming about the way Lily slept in my arms. I smiled as I looked at her slightly open mouth as she slept, almost drooling on my chest.
I know I should have taken things slowly with her, but when she showed me that she wanted it, I could barely contain myself. The only time she cried red was on the swing, but she was excited about it as I explained to her how it works. I actually thought I would spend the day alone in my thoughts, but I can't complain about what happened in the last few hours.
I pushed back the loose strand that was hanging in her face, and she took a deep breath, running her hand over my chest. It's crazy how you go from, "Are you hungry?" to "You are a good girl" in a second.

I took care of her and cooked us food later. I've never seen a woman eat so much. I must have brought her to the limit, but she enjoyed it. And that surprised me a lot.
Even though I told her I'm not for romance, I was the one now enjoying cuddling with her. And the fact that she fell asleep just shows her trust towards me.
Holding her so tightly, feeling her body and breathing in her scent... it was so calming. Too calming.

I jolted awake, realizing I was dreaming again, and stared into Lily's eyes as she sadly knelt in front of me, holding my face. I must have fallen asleep, and judging by the sweat on me, it was bad... really bad.
My hands were shaking as I put my face in them to come back out of the state I was in and pushed Lily slightly to the side.

"Elijah," she said quietly to which I shook my head.

"Just go," I said to her as I sat up.

"Don't push me away," I heard her say quietly.

"I'm sorry, Lily," I replied as I got up to leave the room, but that never happened.

I felt her arms around me, her head leaning against my back, holding me and keeping me away from leaving the room.
"I'm here… I'm here for you, Elijah," she said in a trembling voice to which I shook my head.

"You will go… like everyone else. And if not… then you will die," I said sadly.

"I'm not going anywhere… and I'm not going to die, Elijah," she answered me as she forced me to face her, and I turned my head to the side, not looking at her.

Her hand pushed my face to hers, and I stared at her. Her big eyes were full of tears and full of fear.
Not afraid of me… but afraid for me.

"Everything I love is dying, Lily… I fought so hard, but I'm too weak. I can't lose you because I'm weak. I can't lose you because I can't control myself. You should get away from me… I can't lose you too." I whispered quietly as her tears rolled down her face.

"Just go, Lily!" I said sternly.

"No!" she shouted angrily. "No, Elijah! I'm not just a fuck you have on the side," she added.

"Lily, no... go!" I said as I turned my back to her.

"You'll kill me now if you let me go like that. You can't let me fall for you and then push me away... throw me out like garbage," she said quietly.

"Do not say that!" I shouted almost angrily as I turned back to her.

She looked at me desperately, her beautiful face plagued by what I was saying to her, and I swallowed when I saw the tears that seemed to have no end.
All my life I craved for someone standing by my side through darkness and seeing the positive in me. Looking for me and healing the damaged past traumas, and now I'm hurting her when she tries.

"Please, Elijah... please let me love you," she said quietly, her voice shaking as I looked over her sad face.

Her words full of burden, like a wrecking ball that breaks down all the walls around me that I have been building for so long. I tried my hardest to calm myself down when the voices in my head are too loud, and she did it effortlessly. I always thought I was way too sick and hard to love... but she is doing it like it's breathing. Just by being with me... loving me, even in this state.
And I just snapped... I broke into a thousand little pieces in front of her, sobbing heavily, while she just hugged me.