I Bleed Stars (Book 1)

Chapter 21

   Roxanne's (P.O.V)

When I woke up the next morning I felt pain all over me.

I quickly ran to the bathroom and lifted up my shirt to see a couple of fresh new bruises on my body.

My heart started beating fast as I continued to look at the bruises and realize that things were getting worse fast.

I got ready for the day then went downstairs.

My mom was on the couch watching tv.

"Oh, good you're awake. I hope school is in your plans for today. You already missed two classes." My mom said, turning off the tv once she saw me.

"I'll think about it." I made my way to the kitchen.

I grabbed some cereal from the pantry then got some milk out of the fridge.

"Roxanne, your education is not something you think about, it's something you just do." My mom came in the kitchen.

"Fine, I'll go to class." I said, hoping she would stop bothering me about it.

"So have you changed your mind about doing treatment?"

"No, mom I'm still not doing treatment."

"Will you at least do normal therapy?"

"You mean the kind where I go see someone and dump all my problems on them for almost an hour?"

"I mean I wouldn't put it like that, but yes, normal therapy that has nothing to do with cancer treatments."

"Why?"

"Roxanne you're dying. I'm sure that has to be affecting you. You need someone to talk about what you're going through with."

"Isn't that the whole point of you moving here so you could be here for me and stuff like that? Why go to a therapist when I have you?"

"I just think it's best if you talk to a professional about this. Death can be a very scary thing."

"Sure mom I'll do therapy."

"What really?"

"Yes."

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Never better." I said, making my way back upstairs with the bowl of cereal in my hands.

I went to my balcony to eat my breakfast in peace and then I went back inside to get ready for school.

***

When I got to school I made it just in time for my fourth class of the day.

I sat in my psychology class and thought about Sunny. I still couldn't believe that Sunny liked Joey. I tried to not think about it anymore yesterday after I talked to my friends but now I couldn't seem to get it out of my head.

I couldn't focus in class and I had tuned my professor out so much I didn't even notice until I heard someone cough from behind me.

I decided that there wasn't any point in staying in class if I wasn't paying attention so I left and went back home.

When I got home I grabbed three bottles of wine and made my way upstairs.

Once I was in my room I decided to put my thoughts into my art so I set up my painting stuff on the balcony and started to paint a portrait of Sunny.

I didn't have a picture of her so I had to do everything from memory. I started with her eyes and before I continued painting I opened one of the wine bottles and drank straight from the bottle.

By my second bottle I was already drunk.

I had just finished doing Sunny's lips when realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I have cancer.

I knew I had cancer when the doctor told me and the days that followed after that, but it didn't really hit me till now. I was dying and there was nothing I could do about it.

A tear rolled down my cheeks as I realized that I was not only going to die young but I was going to die alone.

I was really hoping that I could share my last days on earth with someone more specifically Sunny, but there was no one I wanted other than her and she didn't want me.

As I continued to think about my fate my tears went from a couple drops falling down my face to a flood I couldn't seem to control.

I stood up and threw the paint all over the canvas and started to cry even harder.

Everything felt so heavy and I didn't know how to handle it all.

As I made my way back inside my room I got a text from Sandy.

Sandy: Where are you? Everybody is arriving but you.

I looked at the text and chose to ignore it.

I went over to my desk and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I haven't smoked in awhile and I knew I probably shouldn't because of my cancer but what was the point in trying to live anymore.

"Rough day?" Ivy said from the hall as she looked at me still coming undone in my room.

I was going to ask her what she was doing up here, but  then decided that I didn't care enough to know.

I thought for a second then I answered her. "Rough year." I said, shutting the door in her face.

After I pulled myself together I grabbed the last bottle of wine and went to the bonfire.