I Bleed Stars (Book 1)

Chapter 7

                               Sunny's (P.O.V)

"Sunny, where are you going now?" Amanda asked.

I grabbed my keys from the counter. "Therapy, silly. Where else would I be going?"

"Oh, I don't know. I guess to hang out with your new family," she said while giving me a look.

Amanda was furious when I came home yesterday at a later time than the one she gave me. She was mad that I kept getting distracted and wasn't trying harder to make time for us to go get her car from Roxanne's place. I told her that we would go get her car later today after church, but she told me Christians shouldn't tell lies. She didn't believe me, but I actually meant it this time.

I laughed. "They're not my family. I just met these people and I'm distancing myself from them soon."

"Why? Are you going to leave them?" she questioned.

"Because they're gay. Well, Roxanne is. I don't know about the rest of them, but that's enough for me to stop hanging out with them," I said.

"I didn't know you were a homophobic," Amanda said with disappointment written all over her face.

"Yeah, I have to be. I'm a Christian and so is the rest of my family. I need to go and I don't want to keep Mrs. Graham waiting," I said as I walked out the door.

When I made it outside the parking lot, I pulled out my phone and dialed my dad's number.

"Hello?" I heard my dad's voice after a few rings.

"Hey! It's me, Sunny. I know I never called you back a day ago and I'm sorry for that. I've just been super busy, but I was wondering if you still wanted to get lunch and catch up on things?" I said while making my way to the car.

"I've been waiting forever for your call. I just didn't want to bother you and I figured you were busy which is why I didn't call you again, but I would love to continue having lunch with you on the weekends," he replied.

"Okay, perfect! I know tomorrow is Monday, but I'm kind of busy today so I don't think I'll be able to have lunch today. How does Monday sound?" I asked as I unlocked the car door and got in.

"Tomorrow is fine. Are you still attending your therapy sessions that your mother and I are paying for?"

From a very young age, my parents had made it very clear that they would only let my grandparents pay for my college if I went to a Christian school. I knew that I wanted to branch out from Christian schools because that's where I've been going all my life, so I started to save up my own money to pay for a circular school when I was older. I had been doing dance since I was three, so I worked myself like a dog growing up so I could shoot for a scholarship when it came time to go to college. All my dreams ended up coming true, but my parents weren't very supportive of me going to a circular school. Not even when I got my scholarship for a couple of schools, or when I chose Berkeley in honor of them. My parents allowed me to come to Berkeley under the condition that I would pay for all my stuff on my own. They stuck to their guns and never helped me pay for anything until I had my depressive episode last semester, and they started paying for me to go to therapy.

"Yeah, heading there now. See you tomorrow?"

"Okay, and yes. Bye," he said before hanging up.

After he hung up, I started the car and drove off. The car ride to therapy was a nice and peaceful one. There were no angry drivers or someone always trying to cut you off, and there was barely any traffic as well.

As I drove to therapy, I thought about Mrs. Graham. She was so good at her profession, and I could tell her anything I wanted to and not worry about her judging me. I used to see her every day back when I was really depressed and suicidal, but now I only see her every three months.

I was really glad I was seeing her today, because I wanted to talk to her about Roxanne.

After I had done some deep thinking yesterday, I decided that I shouldn't be hanging around Roxanne and her friends.

I was really happy to finally be making friends after a semester of loneliness, but Roxanne being gay changed everything.

Being friends with her would mean that I'm okay with her being gay, and I wasn't okay with it. Not even close.

I continued to drive to my appointment confused and wondering how Roxanne could actually be gay. I just didn't understand how she could be like that. She certainly didn't act like it. I guess that's why it was so hard to tell, but then again I'd just met her. Maybe if I'd known her a little longer, I'd notice it.

I just didn't get how she could be gay. I didn't get how anyone could be gay. That's not how things are supposed to be. That's not how God intended for things to be.

I didn't know what I was going to do.

I just knew that I couldn't be her friend anymore. How could I? I mean, how would that even work. How could someone be friends with another person when they weren't okay with who they were? I already told Roxanne I wasn't a homophobic, so there was no way I could tell her the truth now.

I could just ghost her and find someone else to do the project with but that would be mean. I wouldn't want someone doing that to me, so I wasn't about to do it to her.

'I know! I'll do the project with her just this once, then I'll distance myself from her and her group of friends.' I thought.

We only had one semester left and we were in different majors so after this year, I'll never see her again. 'Hanging out with her and her friends for a few months won't hurt.' I thought.

I was so lost in thought I didn't even realize I'd arrive at the private practice that my therapist worked at.

After finding a parking spot, I made my way inside.

"Hey, Sunny. She's waiting for you in the back." The lady who usually worked the front desk said when I walked in the doors.

"Okay, thank you," I said before making my way towards the back where Mrs. Graham was sitting in her office.

"Sunny, it's nice to see you again. How have you been?" Mrs. Graham said when she saw me.

"Hi Mrs. Graham! Things have been okay with me. How have you been?" I said after closing the door behind me.

"Good! I've also been okay as well," she said. Typing something on her computer really fast before grabbing a clipboard from her desk and standing up.

"Boy do I have a lot to talk to you about," I stated while sitting down on one of the comfy chairs that were facing her desk.

"Good thing we have fifty minutes to talk then," she said as she laughed a little. She then walked over to sit in an empty chair across from me.

***

During my session, I talked about Roxanne and Mrs. Graham didn't really know what to say. She said that whatever I decided to do was up to me. We also talked about Amelia, because the anniversary of her death had happened during the time I didn't have therapy. I told her that I was really depressed on Amelia's death anniversary, because I always feel like there was something I could've done to save her. Though Mrs. Graham said that there wasn't much I could've done, since I was just a kid when it had happened. The important thing now was that I was trying to make a difference by going into social work.

After our session ended, it felt like a load of emotions was taken off of me after I was done talking to Mrs. Graham and started heading towards church.

After a thirty minute drive, I arrived at the church and parked in the second parking lot they had. When I started to head inside, I thought about the time I first moved here and got help from my counselor to find a church for me to go to. When I first arrived at the church, it felt very friendly and non-denominational, but before I could reminisce any longer, someone interrupted me.

"I love that black dress dear," an old lady who was greeting people at the front door said.

"Thank you," I said nervously before making my way inside.

When I walked in the sanctuary, I saw that the place was crowded with people. I quickly found a place to sit in the front and kept to myself as I watched everyone else greet and make small talk with each other.

It wasn't long before service started. Pastor Cooner talked about starting a new series on love, then he went right into the sermon.