Canvas of Love | TxS

49 - broken heart

- Maddy -

I heard the doorbell go off for god knows what time and i finally forced myself out of bed, gradually walking over only to be met with Ryan.

"Maddy, what's going on?! Are you okay?" He stepped inside, examining me. "I'm fine. What do you want?" I replied, unbothered about his concern.

"You hadn't showed up for work today. Came to see if everything is okay."

"Ryan, i'm great. Can't be better now please get back to the shop before you get fired because of me." I tried to gently lead him back out but he clearly was in no mindset to do so.

"Maddy, i'm not going. Yesterday you already had been acting weird and i see that today is worse."

"Okay! What if i feel worse today?! What if all i want to do is stay inside?! Ryan, i'm done! I'm so tired that i just won't be able to put on that fake smile to all the customers!"

"Mads, you don't gotta come to work if you don't want to. I'll make up some serious lie about why you can't come in today so don't worry about it."

"Okay, yes, thank you. Now please, leave me alone." I copied my action of forcing him to the door but still nothing, refusing as before so i just gave up, walking towards the couch to take a seat.

"You can't stay alone when you're feeling like this. I'll keep you company." I watched him sit right by me. "Ryan, please go. We're not that close for me to start venting right now so there's no point for you to stay." I replied, in such desperate to just go back to bed.

"Why? We're friends. I'll listen. Some times that's all you need is for someone to listen so come on. I already know the worst parts of your life."

"Ryan, just because you know about how Lauren has been treating me doesn't make you caught up with everything i've went and am going through."

"Then speak to me. About time you make me caught up so come on." He kept pushing me but i delivered pure silence back.

I was so broken inside. The type of broken when you want to stare at a blank wall and question yourself of where you went wrong.

As much as i wanted to be in that state right now, i also wanted to feel fine, i wanted to feel any other type of pain instead of the one that makes you decide on the worst outcome.

"Lauren, hasn't contacted me in over a week. Yesterday didn't arrive like she promised. I think it's over. This disappearance of hers is so different from the rest. I'm lost on what to believe." I began, convincing myself to not regret on confessing.

"Thought over what i said? The whole thing about her being unfaithful." I heard him comment and i knew i wanted to burst out with anger for having to make that an option.

"Ryan, no. I- She- She wouldn't do that to me. That's not her. Besides if that was a possibility, Lauren would have spoke to me about it and not kept it a secret."

"Are you certain though? You said you haven't talked in over a week now so what's there to have you convince? Because you know her? That's not an argument. How long has it been and you still haven't seen her. She easily could have changed as a normal, a loyal person."

"Why are you saying that? She's not a monster. She wouldn't do that to me!" I spiked my tone but deep down i knew that there wasn't anything that could prove his words otherwise.

"It's okay, Maddy. Let out your frustration on me if you want. As long as you will be able to feel more at ease then i'm fine with it."

"Ryan, why are you trying to help me?" My perspective changed on him in a snap of a finger, examining as he formed a smile to my question.

"Because you deserve better." He didn't hesitate to respond, taking a seat closer to me. "I don't." I muffled back, the urge to cry flooding me at this point.

"Maddy, you have to love yourself more. You facing something that won't change and it's destroying you more so honestly, you have to break up with her."

"What?" My expression flooded with disbelief, "that's too far! What are you even talking about?! Lauren makes me happy no matter what she has done to me!"

"Maddy," i felt his hand touch mine, coming even closer at this point, "she's not the only one who can make you happy." His words brushed against my skin and just then i caught as Ryan leaned closer.

"What the fuck?!" I threw my hands against him, pushing him away without a second thought. "Is that what you define our friendship as?!" I shouted and stood up, getting a distance between us.

"Oh my god! All i wanted was to comfort you! What's wrong with that?!" I watched as he stood up himself, trying to approach me.

"Go! Leave! I should have known that trusting you was a mistake! Now go! I don't ever want to see your face again!" I yelled back and just grabbed his arm, thrusting him towards the front door. "Maddy, i'm sorry! I just-" I slammed the door right in his face, locking it shut right away.

My breathing quickened. Almost like i was about to collapse. Maybe i was? There's no way i just lost everyone though. I literally have nobody that wants to help me without wanting something in return.

The sound of my phone going off caught my attention and i gradually made my way back to the bedroom.

As i picked it off the nightstand, my heart sank in the same second from seeing the caller id.

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