AKUTÄ ⋆ THE DARK EYES OF HELL

Chapter 44

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Missing pages

"You believe what you want, but I had good reasons. They were in my head like the roots of my hair, and they knew I was The One. I think that was the reason. Damn it. They would wake me up at 4 a.m. before the others just to do my routine and not be looked at by others, I would work out and always have a separate room from the others, I would sit in line with the big people. But my words were not to be found and were not found with the grown-ups. I was a lost human and barely knew what I was doing with my life, but what I know. They usually only know how to use someone and it is already known, it has already become a comfort to get used to the thing of this. My appetite died with each assassination and the fact that I had suffered the trauma in my home made me feel bad, making me think about that incident over and over again and feel incapable, but sometimes I slipped out of my nature.
I always felt on edge no matter what I did, even in school or high school. I always studied decently, but the teachers gave me away and didn't even notice me, I felt strange, so did my classmates, I barely talked to anyone, I created this feeling that I was going to die alone and I think that's how it will be. I wasn't looked down upon anyway. I suppose someone only takes you well if you do certain things. But who the hell cares now? When I was little, I went to high school like a robot, I got home, maybe I studied and went to sleep, but I didn't feel like myself anymore, I was lost from my life, I will say honestly, high school destroyed me even more, they say "Learning is just your care", but I had other worries, I swore I was always tired.  My teachers were giving me the most stress. My father was always cold with me and when I got high grades, he didn't congratulate me, that's why I lost my mood for everything. I wanted to scream at that moment, cry, pull my hair from head to root, punch myself, drink something to die or just die, why does no one understand this and why do many ignore it? I was trying  to find my place in this civilization But no, it was complicated, like talking to walls, just like in NATO. I was in that phase, "Daddy I think I made it" to "I think I am fading".
Sometimes it felt good, sometimes it didn't. I remember my workouts some weeks, I was put on a high blood pressure, where I was stabbed in the stomach and I was made to sit like that, just to see my resistibility. Last time, I was stabbed in the chest, that wasn't supposed to happen, but someone got out of their hands and wanted to kill me. Of course, I spent my time in the hospital. I just know that this pain doesn't compare to the pain of the past. I prefer knives in me than the death of a loved one. Since then, my emotions and feelings have passed by the years. Killing someone didn't calm me down either, on the contrary, it made me feel like those who had tortured my family, feeling like I was going crazy even more, feeling that cold blood in my hands and my uncontrolled anger, how my pupils were small every minute and never recovered and I arrived home tired, traumatized, disgusted and crazy. I hate my life anyway, but I can say I hate the people around me too. Everything is real, that's what I had to accept. But damn, I still can't accept the fact that I don't have anyone anymore, I'm completely alone in this world.
There is a difference when you like to be alone and when you are lonely. I wasn't able to think of anything anymore. I still remember sitting in my room for days staring at the wall, thinking about those scenes. God, they were horrible. I don't even know how I didn't die. I hate myself, I hate myself that I couldn't even save my brother, I couldn't save myself either, I went through their hands and they cut me on my body, playing X and O on one side of my back, feeling the pressure and screaming, but my mouth was covered in an alcohol bandana,  Making me dizzy, feeling my clothes disappear from my body, I wanted to grab my rope and hang myself somehow, but I couldn't handle that pressure, I felt their hands on my fragile childlike body. I don't know what I did wrong, but I don't think I deserved it. No one deserved this, even now as I write this, tears come to my eyes, I simply wanted a normal life. But.. I was sexually abused, more. Fucking... Sometimes I wish I hadn't existed. Some people are so stupid that they take advantage of your trauma, thinking you're crazy and make you assassinate, just to please them, but I swear I had a little bit more and I killed that obnoxious president. But I try to hide it and act like I had nothing, because no one knows what really happened to me, even if the trauma is present.
And rest assured, even with a high level, others laugh at you or others take for granted, but it depends on who you are and how you were selected. Being a Montgomery, I was supposed to be taken seriously, but the incidents ruined my profile. People look at the world in their own sense, but not in the sense of others. The world is not so nice and colorful, the other side is dark. I saw so many parts that they terrified me for a long time. I was part of a terrorist group in the past, because yes, I was a free serial killer and nobody knew but those traffickers, I took part and I killed out of pure hatred, not pleasure, and I know what I saw there with my own eyes. Children who were caught, they were tied up, or if they were younger, they would just put them on the ground and knock them down, by ripping off their skin, cutting off their heads or breaking their skulls, pulling out their brains and injecting certain substances that kept them still alive, and that shocked me. I didn't know this could happen. But their screams and cries terrified me. That blood. . . Geez. They were kids, but we couldn't do something because we ended up like them, and the fact that they were filmed, it was horrible. In adults, they were cut into pieces, or if they were girls, they were raped to death, it was disgusting, I don't even know why the hell I got into that, instead of staying in a hospital to calm down, but my madness had really made me crazy. I hate my existence for that. But believe me, this is the world and this is how you should know it in certain cases, never trust anyone, there are no friends and there will be none. The world is dark, more like the dark web. People lie like news, how the fake bullet can be mistaken for the real one. And let me tell you that my brother may have been killed, but because of my dizziness, I didn't realize what really happened, but I'm sure he's dead and I can even confirm that. But let's stop talking about it and let them rest in peace.
Enjoy what you have till it's late.

And if you find this page lost, know that you better set it on fire, some information is not about me and I prefer not to. Remember who you really need to trust and who the real hero is, just because some alliance name doesn't mean there's an alliance behind it. I'm telling you from experience and you can't argue with me. That's all I write here, now I'm going back through the world, seeing my own and when the end comes to me, please make everything known, let the whole world see who I was and who this alliance was."

With peace and hope, the Assassin of the elite, Danny Del Montgomery, aka The Fox. ₰