To Love and To Hate

Chapter Four

Laineville NY, 2019

"Living life avoiding regrets but regrets made. Troubling, rolling, unstoppable thunder overtaking, breaking, my heart drained. Trying to find a way out of life- a wheel never ending empty from under."

My chest felt tight and I couldn't breathe. I tried to roll over to release the pressure from my lungs, but dimly registered that there was an actual weight on top of me. Onyx. I groaned, slowly trying to work my way up out of the fog of sleep to deal with my petulant cat. I didn't have to open my eyes to know exactly what he was thinking. He wanted to be fed, and he wanted fresh water, and he wanted it on his timetable my sleep be damned. I groaned. Again.

"Onyx. Do you have any idea what time it is?" Of course he didn't care that he had woken me up with the sun barely visible in the sky. Cracking my eyes open the tiniest degree to see yellow-green ones staring back at me. They were intently intelligent, and reproachful. Whether I liked it or not, it was time to get up to start my day. Approving my decision with a hearty meow, Onyx thoughtfully moved off my chest so I could exit my warm cocoon into the chilly air. Sensing my reluctance, he meowed encouragement. 

"Fine" I grumbled. Bracing myself, I jumped out of bed quickly, figuring Band-Aids were best pulled off at once. My bare feet landed in the fuzzy warmth of the bright rug. Pulling my thick robe around myself, I slid on slippers and walked out. Onyx had jumped off the bed, and skirted quickly ahead of me, anxious for me to follow to do his bidding. Looking back to ensure I was indeed behind him, I had only coffee on my mind. Shuffling down the hall, through the living room and into the kitchen, I wisely decided to feed Onyx before attending to the coffee pot calling to me from the counter. 

"Okay Onyx, you first buddy" I reassured him. Getting his food out to fill his empty bowl, much to his gratitude which he showed in loud purrs, I also refilled his water bowl. I noticed with a quick glance that the cat toy had found its way to a spot under the table. I smile knowing that he had played with it at some point when I wasn't looking, as I knew he would. I knew better than to bring it up and rub it in, as he was likely to pout. Pausing with coffee grounds in one hand, and a mug in the other, I mused that I was probably a little lonely if I was thinking so much of my cat. I have been divorced for close to five years now, and I don't date much, or at all really. I frowned. Maybe I should get out more, put more of an effort into companionship.  Absently I finished making my coffee, the smell of it brewing bringing me back to my kitchen. Pouring a cup, blowing across the surface, I decided that even though I spent quite a bit of time either talking to my cat or to myself, I was quite happy with my life. 

Carrying the hot mug back to my bedroom, leaving Onyx happily eating away in the kitchen, to dress for the day. I didn't have anything planned for today since I usually kept this particular day, the anniversary of Ry's passing, empty. Stopping in my office to flick on the fireplace, hoping to pull the chill out of the air in case I wanted to work later, I continued on through the bedroom door. Needing background noise, I pushed the power button on the remote for the TV. The chatting of newscasters filled the room as I rummaged around for my comfiest sweatpants and sweatshirt to throw on. Next, my wooliest socks I owned. I was just pulling on the last one when a news flash announced itself loudly. I didn't normally watch the news, since it was always distressing, and tended to be full of false reporting and politics. And since I preferred to live like an Ostrich with my head firmly planted in the ground I tended to avoid it. But, that was what was on the station, the news, loud and brash as ever. 

Another, long ago, news report replayed itself in my mind. This one during a snowstorm on the side of a road. The blue and red lights of patrol cars, and the siren of an ambulance cut through the still falling snow as the reporters told all who were turned in about the deadly accident and the crossroads for Church and Warren. How 'tragic it was that such a young life was taken so soon. The driver, who was presumed to be the mother of the young five-year-old boy, was taken to the county hospital with severe injuries that were non-life threatening. The driver of the pickup truck had left the bar too intoxicated to stop at the sign and hadn't reacted in time to the car already in the intersection. The police state that while no charges have been filed yet, the truck driver will likely be charged with driving while intoxicated, and vehicular manslaughter pending a court hearing. The truck driver was taken to the same county hospital as the female driver, and was determined to have sustained minor injuries and a bump to his head.' Then the reporter, with nothing dramatic left to inform the masses, turned it back over to the female in the station for the local weather.