Secrets - Chanlix

Scene 13

Now Playing: Little Do You Know - Alex and Sierra

[TW: blood, injuries and mentions of death]

When Felix, after searching the entire university, finally found Chan, he definitely did not expect to find him in the state he was in. He was sat, with his arm across his torso, against a wall near their dorm building. Felix could see blood seeping past Chris' fingertips, his hand covering a wound. A painful one, as well.

"There you are." Felix breathed out, trying to process and/or figure out what had happened to him. "Is that- is that blood?"

Chan looked up, his expression clear to show that he did not expect Felix to show up, "What are you doing here?"

"I think I should be asking you that question, Chris." Felix replied, "What the actual fuck happened to you?"

That was a reasonable question, considering the elder had blood dripping down his side.

"Why do you care?"

"I dunno, why are you fucking bleeding?" Felix snapped back, his concern for the man coming off as anger.

"Felix just go back to the auditorium." Chris sighed, somewhat secretly appreciating the care the younger gave him.

Felix wasn't just gonna 'go back'. He came there to get Chan and take him back to the auditorium with him in time for the show, and he was certainly not gonna leave the guy in this kind of state either.

"No! We kinda need the director on opening night?! Y'know, just a little?"

"Shit" Chan sighed again, "It's opening night? How could I forget that?" The man winced as he scrambled to get to his feet, somehow succeeding. "Let's go then?"

"No. I need an explanation first, at why you keep disappearing and acting weird and a reason to why your hand is covering a wound in your side?" Felix spoke, desperate for answers that he wasn't gonna wait any longer for. "Move your hand."

"No."

"Move your fucking hand Christopher." Felix ordered, his jaw almost dropping when the man moved his blood stained hand away from the fairly fresh wound. "Is that-"

"A stab wound, yup." Chan finished Felix's sentence for him, something sparking in him when he saw the fear on Felix's face. Something sparking when he saw how Felix could almost feel his pain from the just the sight of it. "It was more of a slash than a stab though."

"Shit, Chan." Felix stepped closer, examining the wound. "Who did this to you?"

"Why do you care?"

"I wanna know who did this to you, an explanation from the last few weeks and I want to know who made you believe you're unworthy of love?" Felix ignored Chan's question, and caused the elder's heart to skip about a million beats for reasons he wouldn't dare admit to him.

"I-" Chris began to protest, but something stopped him. Something told him it was pointless. Something told him he was gonna hurt Felix more by lying. "Two friends of mine."

"Who? Tell me their names." Felix felt so incredibly relieved that Chan was being honest with him but at the same time he felt so incredibly terrified at what the man was going to say next.

"Mingyu and Jungkook."

"Doesn't sound like they're your friends?"

"They aren't. They used to be but now they aren't." Chan began, "They have very specific views and a bad reputation. You would never wanna get on their bad side. I thought I never would end up on their bad side, I also thought I could tell them anything."

"Yeah?" Felix cued for the male (who had replaced his hand back against the wound and leant against the wall for support) to continue.

"I was so fucking wrong." He felt like sobbing, but he wouldn't dare be like that in front of Felix. "I told them about these feelings I felt I had developed for someone but because it went against their views, that I agreed with for a while until I met this person I liked, they lashed out against me. At first it was just these weird and horrible jokes, then threats and using our friendship and my autism, even, to lure me into overwhelming and tough situations until earlier they, got me to come here and they just started a bit of fight with me. They started pushing and pushing at me until I started feeling overwhelmed and then they just, out of nowhere, sliced a knife against my side and ran off."

"Oh my god, that's absolutely horrible. Who and why would someone do something like that?" Felix muttered to himself, feeling so sorry and guilty for the man. He felt guilty for not pushing the answer out of him sooner. "Why didn't you tell someone, anyone in this team could've helped somehow?"

Then it hit Chris what he had said. That he had told Felix all of that. He quickly picked his jacket up from on the floor and wrapped it tight around his waist and the wound, hiding it and releasing some of the pain for a moment. In his opinion, it wasn't that bad anyhow. He regretted every word he let leave his mouth.

That's when it hit Felix how bad this situation really was, and how much he truly cared about the elder. All of a sudden the atmosphere shifted, like a cloud of negativity had shrouded over them. All of a sudden tears filled his eyes, and an emotion (that was seen as anger by Felix) filled Chan's.

"Why did you keep this a secret?"

"Everybody has secrets, Felix. Why am I suddenly obliged to tell you all of mine? And all the reasons I have them." Chan spoke, an unidentified emotion ridden in his tone. It might've been anger, stress or even fear. Maybe regret. Who knows?

"You nearly died, Chan!" Felix cried, burning tears rolling down his cheeks with every loud sob he choked out. "I'm happy you told me and I don't expect you to tell me every single little fucking thing but this is a different situation!"

"It's not."

"It's not?" Felix took a deep breath and roughly wiped his tears away with the backs of his hands. "YOU FUCKING IDIOT! YOU NEARLY DIED! YOU CAN'T KEEP SHIT LIKE THAT A SECRET! NONE OF US CAN BARE TO LOSE YOU! WE CAN'T!" He took a step closer to the male, the sudden cold wind harshly battering against his skin. "Chris, I can't bare to lose you."

Chan didn't speak. He didn't look into Felix's eyes. He just stared directly at the ground. He didn't let Felix see the tears that were welling into his own eyes. He couldn't break the boy more. He felt guilty enough. One of them was already shattered into pieces, he couldn't let it happen to them both.

"Chris?" Felix muttered, just audible within the sounds of the whistling wind and now clattering rain as the weather sensed their intense emotions. "Chris. Speak to me, please."

He didn't. He... couldn't. He physically couldn't get the words out. Whatever those words were, whatever he wanted to say. Whatever he needed to say. Maybe 'I love you' or maybe 'I never want to see you again'. Both somewhat factual statements at most. Or even 'This happened because of you, because I fell in love with you'.

"Chris?" It broke him, it shattered him more. It crushed the tiny pieces that were left of him into shards you could only see under like a microscope, at the sound of Felix crying.

He couldn't handle it, so he just shook his head and, with one hand pressing his jacket against his wound, walked away.

------------------------

Lay your head on me,
So lay your head on me,
'Cause little do you know I,
I'll love you 'til the sun dies.

- Little Do You Know

SCENE 13