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Chapter Six: Interstellar

Why did everything feel so heavy when you held on to it? The thoughts. The emotions. All of it belonged to him but it still felt foreign like those feelings shouldn't have been there. If he kept everything tucked away and simply moved on, why was the weight unbearable? It belonged to him. It was his weight to carry.

The cycle continued in Spencer's head daily. He questioned why people needed to get help with their own thoughts and feelings. He believed that a person should be able to help themselves because they were the only ones who truly knew what was going on in their head. Corey was the main one in his life that argued that people's weight could only be carried by them and putting the burden on someone else wasn't fair. So, Spencer carried everything with him.

Expression was saved for the football field. He focused his emotions there because it made him a better player. Football was his therapy. Spencer didn't talk much about how he felt about things because he didn't want to burden people. When his parents began having issues in their marriage, Corey set an example. A bad example. Carry your weight and find other outlets when you need a  release. But never talk about it. Never, ever talk about it.

Spencer stared at the floor as Dr. Spears waited for his response to the question, "What are you holding on to, Spencer?"

This was session three. After his initial session the day before his first college game, Spencer made a promise to himself that he would come back until he could fully answer that question. Since then, Dr. Spears asked and the silence remained. Spencer couldn't name what he held on to that caused him this much pain.

"Okay, we'll make this easier. What's the reason you decided you needed help," he questioned, tapping his pen against his tablet. "And it's fine if you simply needed someone to talk to about the pressures of college football. That's not a wrong answer."

Spencer cleared his throat, "I keep having these nightmares about an accident that happened two years ago."

"Were you a part of the accident," Dr. Spears continued.

"Yes. And my best friend," he answered, the discomfort was unsettling.

"Okay, is your best friend okay," Dr. Spears questioned, earning a slow nod in response. "Good. Tell me about this best friend. What's the relationship like now that you two have experienced such a traumatic event together?"

Spencer scoffed to himself, "I don't know if you can call what we have right now a relationship. We barely talk and when we do things don't ever go well for us. But before the accident we were very close. We've been friends since we were little kids and our families were real close."

"Do you want to be close again," Dr. Spears asked. "Do you feel like that is healthy for you?"

"Depends on the day," Spencer admitted. "I miss her. I miss how things used to be but I don't know if it's healthy or not. Sadly, I can't see into the future."

"You're right about that. You can't see into the future," Dr. Spears spoke. "But you can focus on the present....or the past. The past helps us figure out what is going wrong with the now. Tell me about your friendship with her before the accident."

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Sophomore Year - Beverly High School Playoffs

"Your Beverly Hill Eagles are heading to the next round of playoffs. Everyone please drive safely and we will see you next Friday night when the Eagles play South Crenshaw High School," the announcer said over the sound system.

The crowd continued to roar as Olivia waited on the sideline with her father, a spot that she claimed that night by volunteering as a water girl. She wanted to be near the action as the Beverly Eagles competed for a spot in the second round of playoffs. The team gathered around Billy, pouring Gatorade over his head as they chanted. Olivia stood back and waited to see her brother and best friend spill out of the crowd of players. Running full speed at her twin, she jumped on him, almost tackling him to the ground.