ACKNOWLEDGE ME
To be told your feelings don't matter leasves a strange thing. I felt like my entire self was been taken away from me ,my heart set to burst in flames within a matter of seconds. I felt it , because that's exactly what happened two years ago.
"You know what I'm thinking..." I opened my mouth while laying on my back with my head on Sadie's lap as she stroked my natural ebony hair.
"Wha.." she almost let out when her phone rang. Sadie reached out into her purse to grab it and immediately threw it but with a disgusted groan.
"Chad? " I asked and she sighed, proceeding to stroke my hair which felt great but wasn't as important as what I was about to tell her.
"You need to talk to him" I told her.
"He called my boyfriend an ass..he doesn't even know Jeremy" she complained.
"Kk I know Jeremy and he is an ass" I rephrased.
"Yes but he doesn't know that...he needs to learn that while I agreed that we could be friends. ...there are boundaries " Sadie carefully settled as I sat up trying my best not to laugh too hard.
"What???" She pressed. I loved Sadie a lot. But when she got into a guy , everything that was bad didn't seem to have weight on her. Which why she needed me.Yes, it's ok..she's welcome.
"First of all..." I started when she reached in her purse to grab the phone that had started to vibrate again and tossed it back , rolling her eyes. I know I shouldn't have died of laughter but she was too much to not see it. Usually,that was my job and I had a perfectly good excuse for being oblivious...I was not human.
"Kk when's the last time Jere called again?" I bent my head in question. Sadie looked a bit offended but then relaxed her face , taking her eyes back to remember. I let it all out at that point.
"Hold on ,hold on..I'm thinking" she winned. Yes,she was actually thinking. See...she 'is' welcome.
"Huhhhh...Aaaaaaasssssss" I stretched into a song before she playfully pushed me away and I fell on my pillow, laughing.
"He's trying okay... That means the world to me"Sadie defended.
"Say what you want..I won't shake off the fact that he treats what I see to be the best person in the world like she don't matter " I stressed in frustration.
"Laylay..." She almost reached out.
"No, seriously..do you know how it feels to have someone look at what you hold most dear and go.....psht..shit" I expressed, mentally throwing something away.
"This isn't about me anymore,is it?" She asked, nodding her head.
"Yes it still is... Jeremy,Colby...you ..you're all the same" I let out.
"Alaya,hold on" Sadie sighed.
" You treat the things that make me most human like they don't mean shit to you" I said ,almost crying.
"I'm tired , Sadie.." I cried , putting my face in the hands that I managed to fold together. Sadie moved closer and put her arms around me , easing my sobs.
"Colby was right?" She said whilst holding me. I lifted my head up to look at her confused then she said.
"You are the realest person...any of us have ever seen" she conjured,not losing sight of what she saw Infront of her.
"And it's time we start ... acknowledging that..we start caring, starting with..with me..your sister and your best friend" she added as her tears struggled to roll down her cheeks.
" Thank you Sadie" I sniffled, pulling her into a hug.
"Ionna did say you're becoming human as the days fly by.." I heard as she broke the hug.
"I just didn't realize..we didn't realize..it started with your feelings..they are real" said told be.
"Kk try telling that to Colby...he probably thinks I don't know the danger there is in dating someone who's life is always in danger " I hinted.
"He's life huhhh?" Sadie arched.
" Yeah,but I can handle it..you saw through those lost footages right?" I asked , looking at her for approval and she smiled warmly.
"Yes, I did..I guess Colby ,like me ...we think..I thought..I have to protect you from things you haven't seen yet" she signed out.
"He ...thinks by pushing you out of his dangerous life..he can protect you better...from it ... because you're human but are still fragile..to him..to me.." Sadie managed to connect, taking to account every word she said.
"But he's wrong.. right" I asked. She was making Colby make sense in a lot of ways now.
"Yes,so am I...kk " Sadie laughed, taking her phone out of her purse.
"Please tell me you're calling Chad" I said with my fingers crossed and she smiled , nodding her head.
"But I gotta break up with Jeremy first" she responded.
"I thought you already did that" I sized my eyes and she did the same thing, shaking her head.
"Girl ,you know I didn't 'didn't' do that" she laughed and placed the ringing phone against her ear.
★★★★★★★★
Playing video games was how I felt with it now, the pain. And even when I sucked at making Alaya happy,I knew I still had my winning streak with Chad. He wasn't bad but not good enough, obviously and dude kept getting up to do stuff. One time ,he even got up to answer a phone call which he was particularly excited about. He didn't say it but he showed it,just how happy he was.
" You're gonna get that." He said, referring to the door bell that had been going on for about a minute now. Like hell was I gonna be the one to get it and watch him even up the score.
"Your mom's gonna get that" I replaced and roughly pushed his arm with my hands still on the controller. Chad fell back a bit but he was still in it to win it so his hands never stopped playing either even as he sat right up.
"Fine, it's your house...I can do this all day" I said , seeing his commitment not braking any time soon.
"Yeah ,yeah..just...hey ,is that Laylay?" He asked after trying to mimick me .
"Lying is making you catch up to me..I'm the master of zombie wars apocalypto." I informed him , still playing when Chad dropped his control pad and got up off the couch.
"Sadie...I ,.. didn't know you were serious" I heard him stutter. It wasn't a long shot ,so I paused the whole game to looked behind me for anything that had my girl's face on it and I found it,with Chad's stupid one looking confused as hell.
"I see..." Sadie nodded looking around my best friend's little man hut. Yeah it was fancy ,but still..it was a man hat. So the mess wasn't anything anyone outside the man society would be glad to see. I should know, I brought my sister over once.
"Well, I am..what do you wanna talk about" she smiled , finding her own way into the living room with Alaya right behind her while Chad struggled to even believe she was there to begin with.
"Ah..I .. ahh...sorry.." he hesitated, rushing Infront of her before she took a seat on a chair filled with chedos and left over pizza from last night. I was still amazed as to how he kept this place rat infestation free.
"Kk it's ok.." Sadie said and proceeded to cleaning the chair up herself then after , sitting down. Laylay walked a few steps forward near me and settled in a chair where Chad sat on next to me not saying a word. She didn't do so much as fidget to even look at me. She just sat there , listening in on Chad and Sadie's conversation.
" I wanted to apologize for ..for calling your boyfriend an ass...I'm really sorry" Chad began as I zoned in on their conversation too.
"Actually, that's what I'm here to talk to you about" Sadie placed right on top of his sentence.
"I broke up with him" she said within a flash then took a deep breath.
"I broke up with him because I realized that he doesn't love and that you do and I should love myself more if I am ever going to be happy bye" she went on in just one sentence without taking a pause then got up to leave.
"Sadie ,wait.. you..kk you realize that..that I love you?" Chad asked then she gave him a node , nervously and ran off, out onto the balcony . I honestly thought I was the only one that heard that.
"So ...I should .." he pointed towards her direction.
"No , stick your thumb in the garbage disposal then turn it on" I smiled.
"Colby..." Alaya called.
"Fine..." I gave in.
"Go after her" I added, lowly. It would have been much more amusing to see him cut his thumb off but what do I know.
"So...I think I looked sexy showing him the obvious..what do you think" I asked , tweaking my eyebrows at the girl next to me.
"I think 'you' should stick your thumb in the garbage disposal" she replied then looked elsewhere.
"Come on, Alaya..I've learnt my lesson..how we felt about each other wasn't something to just erase" I expressed but she still wouldn't face me.
"I see you still play trash" she cornered her focus onto the screen before us.
"Kk yeah.. ummm" I hinted, scratching myself at the back of my head.
"I lost my virginity on that trash" she slid through before I could defend myself.
"Oh yeah, I remember" I let out, shyly.
" I forgot" she plopped her lower lip then licked it feverishly.
"Funny"I thought.
" so I kept thinking I was still a virgin" she smiled at me.
"Huhhh...I .." an apology ached right at the tip of my tongue.
"What? Sorry? Kk Colby no" Alaya laughed.
"You ain't sorry.." she declined.
"Youz be trying to protect me..'supervillain acting like some hero' my ass" she quoted.
"I ,am..was,still " I stuttered, it was all confusing me. What I wanted and what I thought I wanted weren't the same things.
"Could you please make sense..you sound like a record" she said.
"Well.....a broken one that will never touch a Grammy " she dissed.
"Right..ahh" I tried to put together.
"Unless, it's from Nicki Minaj..then it's cool that it hasn't because the cooperate giants and machines be on her like crack" she interrupted, making me more nervous. Now she wasn't making any sense. Who were the cooperate giants and what did they have to do with what I needed to say?.
"Laylay!" I shouted . Her attention wasn't interested in me so I needed to make it think it was and it did. Slowly pulling her hair to the back before looking down then at me, Laylay cleared her throat then stared at the camera that took every image of her in my eyes.
"Ok , Colby..who-whaaaaat" she stringed into a high soprano.
"I love you!" I emphasized and she hinted , turning away. I quickly pulled her face back.
"And I want you to experience that with all the danger ,all the unnecessary attention and everything else that hurts me that might and will possibly hurt you" I told her.
"No you don't " she sounded.
"Yes,I do..and I'm sorry I didn't before.. sometimes I think too much with my fears and it fucks shit up" I confessed.
"I even have dreams were I take over the world,you aren't there and everything around me is just dark and everyone is dying at my feet" I begin to express. My dream playing itself over again in my head before Laylay leans forward and our lips touch. She's nervous at first then shows a little bit of doubt but my hands find hers and guide them over my shoulders and hold her waist down with her back now pinned to the ground. I break the kiss for a while as she attempts to face the screen.
"I lost my virginity on that trash ..the day after" she says , putting her face back Infront of mine. I can feel everything on my body move to the shifting of her image. She's under me and the whole lot of who I am doesn't want to change that, doesn't want to break that. She's so beautiful. The most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
"Kk are you scared to lose it again" I whispered and I almost kiss her neck before tasting her lips again. She giggles.
"Huhhhhhh about as much as you scared of that dream" she breaths nervously,the fear at the core of her abdomen shakes underneath me. I take a little strand of her hair and push it to the back and lay forward to kiss her.
"Then let's both face our fears" I speak and teleport us back to our house ,on the couch were I've spent countless events similar to what we are about to do.
