Too Far Gone // D. Dixon

chapter forty

As the group returned to the Sanctuary, the faces of the people lit up with joy at the sight of the much-needed supplies. Maren tried to muster a smile, but it quickly faded as Simon approached her.

"You did good out there today," he said, a genuine grin on his face, "You sure as shit are your father's daughter. We're lucky to have you."

Maren nodded, the praise not sitting quite right with her. She only watched as Simon walked away, her face unchanged. Negan moved to speak with her, but Maren felt the need to retreat, to process what she had seen at the Costco and off she went. 

Just as she reached the hallway leading to the bedrooms, a familiar voice reached her ears. A voice she recognized. She froze, not believing it was real. She shook her head, trying to get herself to come back to reality. But no...it was real. He was here. She felt her heart pound as she walked around the corner, locking eyes with him. 

Locking eyes with the man she had hoped never to see again.

No, she thought, not again. No, no, no, no, no, no...

The visceral reaction was immediate – her stomach churned, her throat constricted, and she felt a overwhelming sense of weakness, her panic setting in as the man approached. She watched as he put his finger to his lips, as if he was silently telling her to keep her mouth shut, and then to his neck...telling her everything she needed to know. He'd kill her if she told anyone.

Maren backed away hurriedly, not watching where she was going until she suddenly felt her back hit something solid. Turning around abruptly, she found her father, his brow furrowed with concern.

"Woah, what's wrong?"

Maren glanced back quickly, watching as the man walked away, a disconcerting smile on his face. Turning back to Negan, she felt the nausea rising once more. The surge of panic rushing through her entire body was too much.

"I have to..." she managed to choke out, before rushing to the bathroom and barely making it to the toilet in time as she spilled out the contents of her stomach. She clung to the toilet as she lurched over it, not hearing the footsteps getting closer. Negan had followed close behind, watching his daughter with a very concerned look on his face.

"Maren?" She hadn't heard him, "Maren, are you okay?" Negan spoke, seeing his daughter hunched over the toilet, still getting very sick. He noticed that her knuckles had turned white from gripping the toilet so hard. He rushed to hold her hair out of the way as she continued getting sick. As he did so, he saw the white lines behind her neck. They were deep, and he knew in an instant what they were. They were scars. He bit his lip in frustration, his fury rolling in his gut. Somebody had hurt her, badly enough to leave a deep gash on the back of her neck. He was torn from his furious thoughts as she moved away.

When she finally pulled herself off, she flushed the toilet and sat against the bathtub. She took a deep breath, and wiped her mouth. When she opened her eyes, she saw her father watching her with a very concerned look on his face.

She paused, recounting all of what she had seen; the girl in the office, Abraham and Glenn dying, the Claimers and all the horrible shit they had done...It was just was too much.
 
"I..." she started, the sobs breaking free as she succumbed to the overwhelming emotions.

Negan pulled her into his arms, his voice soft and soothing, "It's okay, babygirl. I'm here..." He held her tightly, his heart aching to see his daughter in such distress. 

Whatever had happened at the Costco had clearly left a profound mark on her, and Negan was determined to get to the bottom of it, to provide the comfort and support she so desperately needed.

                                                                              - TOO FAR GONE -

Maren had barely noticed that Negan had carried her to her bed, still holding her in his arms. She opened her eyes again, quite red from crying for so long. 

He tenderly brushed the hair from her face, his expression etched with concern, "I know you may not want to, but you need to tell me what you saw," he said, his voice uncharacteristically soft and soothing.

Maren sniffled, her gaze downcast, "You mean...today or before?" The implication in her words sent a chill down Negan's spine. If her reaction had been this severe after today, he could only imagine what horrors she had faced in the past. That both terrified him and made him furious.

"Both," he replied, bracing himself for what she might reveal.

Maren took a deep, shaky breath, "The office door was cracked, so I was going to clear it. I just didn't expect to see...that. It just...took me by surprise, that's all."

Negan could tell she was skirting around the truth, "That's not all, Maren. I know you better than that." 

With a resigned sigh, Maren continued, "There was a girl, well she was a walker. She looked like...she had been held captive. I mean, she had ropes around her wrists and ankles. It looked like she'd been there for a really long time and I just..." She trailed off, the memory clearly weighing heavily on her. Maren couldn't say the rest. Because the rest was just the truth. Her truth. Her bitter, ugly truth.

"Why didn't you say something?" Negan asked, his brow furrowed, "You know I would've handled that for you." Maren let more tears slip from her eyes, and Negan's heart clenched at the sight. He sat up, his expression more serious than before.

"That's not the only reason you're upset, is it?" His voice wavered, betraying the depths of his concern. His voice was wavering, something he rarely allowed himself to do. But this...his daughter...he couldn't keep it together. He needed to know.

Maren paled at that, and Negan knew he had hit the mark, "I saw..." He took a deep breath, unsure of how to approach the subject, "I saw something on your back earlier, when you were throwing up."

Maren's eyes widened, and Negan's stomach dropped. Something had happened, and the realization that his daughter had been hurt that badly made his blood boil. The thoughts that were bouncing around in his head were disturbingly possible all of a sudden, and he felt heartsick.

"It's just a few scars." Maren tried to convince him, but Negan saw through the facade. His heart sank when she had said scars, as in more than one. He felt his fury increasing, but knew she needed comfort right now.

"Who did that to you?" Negan's voice took on a threatening edge, his rage barely contained, "Tell me who the fuck gave that to you?" Maren let another tear slip down her cheek.

"You're not gonna look at me the same..." Her voice was barely above a whisper, and Negan's heart shattered at the implication. He pulled her close, his arms tightening around her as he vowed to protect her, no matter what she had endured.

"Maren, nothing...not a damn thing could ever make me love you any less. You are my daughter, and I will always be here for you. Fucking always. Please, tell me what happened." Negan's heart sank as he watched Maren recount the horrific ordeal she had endured. His protective grip on her tightened, his knuckles turning white as he fought to control his rage.

"I was out there alone...after leaving campus. I was okay, I mean months went by with me just sticking it out by myself. I was doing really good..." Maren's voice wavered, the memories clearly still fresh and painful.

Negan listened intently, his stomach churning with dread as she described the group she had encountered.

"I ran into a group, told them I was headed to Virginia. I was so damn adamant about always being the one to keep watch all the time and I never gave them the chance to hurt me. After a few days, I mean...they'd been so eager to help me. Hell, we'd almost made it out of Georgia...I didn't think they'd...." Maren paused, her body shaking with suppressed sobs.

Negan's voice was barely above a whisper as he asked, "Maren...what did they do?"

The words spilled from Maren's lips, each one like a knife to Negan's heart, "They waited...they fucking waited until I let my guard down-" She took a shaky breath, "They took me. I remember waking up in a fucking warehouse somewhere...they'd tied me up like that walker in the office..."

Negan felt his chest tighten, his mind racing with the horrific implications, "Babygirl..." he breathed, his voice laced with anguish.

"It was October...when I finally got away it was almost January," Maren continued, her voice raspy with emotion, "They raped me...all of them. Every day..." It had been the worst couple of months of her life. She remembered it all, in excruciatingly vivid detail.

Negan's heart sank at her words as he held her closer, his mind reeling. He knew now exactly what those monsters had done to his little girl. The terrible things they'd done to her. For fucking months. And where was he? Here. Not doing a damn thing to help her.

"They...cut you?" he asked, looking her in the eye, dreading the answer. Maren's nod was all the confirmation he needed, and Negan felt his heart shatter. He pulled her into a fierce embrace, his own tears mingling with hers as he vowed to never let anyone hurt her again.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Maren," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I should have been there to protect you. But I swear, on my life, that I will never let anyone touch you like that ever a-fucking-gain."

Maren laid there, in her father's arms, finally having the comfort she'd only dreamed about all those months.