Too Far Gone // D. Dixon

chapter fifty-one

"We can wait it out a little bit, see if my people can figure something out..." Negan spoke, "One thing that is sure as ass, if my people think I'm dead...a lot of folks are gonna die in there."

"Why?"

Negan didn't shift his gaze from Gabriel, "Listen to me, I don't have shit to confess. Let me ask you something; why'd you become a priest?"

"I love God and I love people. I wanted to bring them together, to help people through their difficult times, to help them through their weaknesses." Gabriel answered, his voice soft-spoken yet firm. Maren and Daryl watched as Negan stirred a bit, but he still chuckled.

"Well, look at that. That's my thing! I like to help people through their weaknesses, too...been doing it one way or another my whole life." Negan responded, and Gabriel continued.

Gabriel spoke up, asking the questions this time, "How do you help people?"

Negan moved forward, "You want to know why people are gonna start dying in there? Because I'm not there to stop it."

Negan grew bored of the conversation and began to whistle, quickly pulling Maren back into her thoughts. Gabriel, however, only had more questions.

"You helped the weak before all this?" Gabriel asked Negan. The question had piqued Daryl's interest, as Negan never had told him much about his past. In fact, he hadn't said anything.

Negan glanced between Maren, Daryl and Gabriel, sensing the fact he needed to answer, "Kids. You don't show them the way, well, they turn out like garbage. Little assholes become great big ones, so you show them the way. Adults, they need it too; the government, laws, religion, guilt. People are weak."

"Everyone?" Gabriel asked, to which Negan was quick to respond.

"Everyone."

"You're weak, killing the innocent-" Gabriel spat back, but Negan quickly intervened again.

"Right and goddamn wrong. I'm weak, but me 'killing the innocent?' That ain't why, Gabey..." Negan laughed, moving to look out the window as walkers began breaking the wood, "We'll wait a little bit longer, see if my people can pull it to-fucking-gether.

Gabriel ignored the walkers, "Why are you weak?"

Negan chuckled, "That's the wrong question. It is how I am weak. You see, the thing is, I am also strong. Everyone is a mix. You can use your weaknesses to drive your strength, and obviously I am strong as shit. I took this place, and it was a damn free-for-all, a loose confederation of assholes; an army made up of gangs of animals and I brought it all together. The last guy that was in charge, he wasn't in charge of shit. He allowed people to be weak. I don't, I make them strong which makes this world strong. You're gonna see, Gabey, I'm gonna make you my new special project. Gonna make you nice and strong too, we're gonna find your special purpose. Hell yes, we are."

Gabriel looked away, "I'm strong, I've killed. I was at the satellite station, I was a part of that."

"Oh, then you killed my people while they were sleeping..." Negan grunted as he moved from one wall to another, "Well, look at you, swinging your dick. Sure, Gabe. That's strong...but that's not what I'm talking about."

"Tell me how you're weak," Gabriel urged the man to answer, "We might be dead soon. You may be dead...Wouldn't you want to confess before all that happens? Wouldn't you want absolution before that? Forgiveness?"

"He's right. There's a chance none of us make it out of here alive. Tell him." Maren urged, looking from Gabriel to Negan. Negan gulped, but remained unmoving. Daryl's hand quickly squeezed hers, as if to say they would make it out of here alive.

Gabriel spoke again, "Costs you nothing more than saying the truth aloud. You don't think you have anything to confess? People you've killed?"

Negan smiled, "I haven't killed anyone that didn't need it."

"The workers you treat like slaves-"

"It's an economy. Some people win, some people lose, but no one's a slave, no one's going hungry, and you couldn't say that before all this." Negan argued back.

Gabriel squinted at Negan, "Carl told us about your wives. The women you pressure into marrying you?"

Negan looked mad now, moving away from Gabriel's judging stares, "Every one of those ladies made a choice-"

"Was there a first? One before all of this?" Gabriel moved towards him again, "A wife you promised to have and to hold, forsaking all others? One you told that lie to?" Maren cringed at that, knowing that talking about Mom had always made him weary, a topic he avoided.

Negan ignored him, bringing Lucille closer to his face, "Lucille, give me strength." Maren watched him now, gritting her teeth anxiously. 

Gabriel took the chance, seeing Negan with his back turned. He was quick to grab his shoulder, roughly moving him against the wall. However, Negan understood his actions and shoved him back. Gabriel quickly ran into the other room in the trailer, locking himself in the room.

Negan sighed, "All right, Gabe! No one's coming for us. You took your shot...shots. It's time to go."

                                                                                 - TOO FAR GONE -

With time running out, daylight being lost...there were decisions that had to be made. They couldn't stay in this trailer forever.

Maren quickly looked around, spotting the walker that Negan had killed on his way in. The sight had reminded her of what their group had to do, a few times. So Maren grabbed the walker, trying to drag it further inside the trailer.

Seeing Maren struggle to carry the walker, Daryl was quick to help her. Negan, however, was quick to stop them both, "Woah there! What the fuck are you two doing?"

"What's it look like?" Maren grunted, putting the walker's arms down, "We're getting us the hell out of here."

Negan was quiet, but smirked at the girl, "Well, you wanna share with the rest of the class?" Negan walked closer to her, wondering what she could be planning.

Maren looked at the walker as she pulled out her knife, "We cut him open, make ourselves look like one of them."

"Holy shit, Maren, that's fucking genius."

And so, Negan watched as Maren and Daryl worked at it together, plunging the knife deep into the walker. Daryl was not gentle with her slices, simply trying to sever as many organs as possible. The more guts, the better.

"We have that gun, we should use it..." Negan spoke louder to Gabriel now, "Most importantly, Gabriel, we have each other. People are a resource. We make it inside, we live." Now they needed to get Gabriel out of there, or they'd miss their chance.

"I've killed before but that's not my greatest sin. No, I locked my congregation out of my church when this all just started. I listened to them as they died...as I cowered. I failed them, I failed God. And every day, I work to lessen that failure, to be of service and purpose. Now I offer you the assurance of a pardon, penance, and absolution...I will go with you. I will show you that working together as equals is the only true way to grace, to a future. I will do this...if you confess." Gabriel spoke, his voice shaky.

Negan paused, "Jesus, Gabe. What you did, that is some horrible, cowardly, spineless shit. But I guess that's what a confession is supposed to be, right? My first wife was a real wife. My only real wife, till death did us part. It was before this...I lied to her, I screwed around on her and she was sick. And when she went, it was during this. I couldn't put her down...that is how I was weak. That is what I will confess. Because, yeah, maybe we do bite the big one here."

"You're forgiven."

"Come out, Gabriel. We can take this chance, we can play dead across the courtyard. Just like we did that night back in Alexandria. Do you remember that?" Maren spoke to Gabriel now, trying to get him to leave the closet. Negan watched the girl, seeing her face overcome with worry, but that quickly faded with Gabriel's response.

"Yes, I do..." Gabriel spoke, opening the door, "Let's get the hell out of here, shall we?"