Too Far Gone // D. Dixon

chapter thirty-seven

The truck rumbled along the dusty road, its engine echoing through the desolate landscape. Maren sat rigidly in the passenger seat, her face etched with a fury that refused to subside. She turned to Negan, her eyes burning with what felt like a lifetime of unresolved anguish.

"Why?" Maren asked him, sitting in the passenger seat of the truck. Negan continued driving, but glanced over at his noticeably still and rigid daughter, her face as pissed off as ever. He took a deep breath, knowing what was sure to come.

"Why what?" He asked. She sent him a furious look.

"Why the fuck did you name the bat after Mom?"

Negan paled at her question. He hadn't expected to see Maren ever again, after he lost Lucille, he truly believed that there was no way he'd ever see his daughter again. But he had, and he had let himself be destroyed by it and let it take over his entire life. The things he'd done and the things he'd been forced to do just to survive were coming back to haunt him. Now, he had to face those consequences.

"It was a way for me to...to hold onto her, honor her memory. I know it's fucked up-" He spoke, but Maren shook her head at that, fuming.

"Honor her memory? Are you fucking joking?" Maren scoffed, "Do you know how delusional that is? You know damn well she would hate you for this...for what you've become." Negan was white-knuckling the steering wheel as she spoke.

He was conflicted, that was evident in his voice, "Let's get a few things straight, Maren..." Negan nearly swerved out of the road as he spoke, "You can't talk to me like this. I'm your fucking father and you need to respect me, especially in front of my men. Do you hear me?"

Maren was silent, taken aback by his orders to his very much adult daughter.

"Maren..." He paused, waiting to hear the words he needed to hear.

"If you didn't want me to talk shit about you then maybe you shouldn't have been so shitty."  Negan immediately slammed on the breaks, pulling the truck to a complete halt.

"Goddamn it, Maren!" Negan shouts, but watches as Maren flinches hard. He immediately softens his voice, watching her with more concern than before, "I'm...I'm sorry. Look, I just need to keep you safe. If they think you're a danger, it could put you in danger. Now that I have you back, I just want to keep you safe. Please..."

Maren looked at him, still in shock after everything she'd seen him do in the last few hours.

"Fine," she acquiesced, the word falling from her lips with a heavy reluctance. As the truck lurched forward once again, Maren's gaze drifted to the passing scenery, the weight of their past and the uncertainty of their future weighing heavily upon her.

What the hell was she going to do now?

                                                                                    - TOO FAR GONE -

When they had pulled up to the Sanctuary, Maren was as anxious as ever.

The place was surrounded by fences and was made nearly entirely out of concrete and metal. There were dozens of walkers strung up against the front fences behind defensive stick formations, obviously used for security purposes. They also had ten or more people running surveillance of the place, armed with weapons and aimed at anyone who dared to move their way. Maren noted their positions from the outside.

The place looked 'safe', but she knew it wouldn't be. Not for her group, anyway.

"Welcome home!" Negan was quick to leave his seat, getting out to open Maren's door, "I want to give you the grand tour."

Maren fought the ever-present urge to roll her eyes, instead crossing her arms defensively across her chest, "Where's Daryl?" she asked, her voice monotone but laced with a quiet intensity.

"He's gonna be just fine..." Negan spoke, but sensed her unease, "I promise you, Maren." She knew that was all he'd tell her for now. She assumed she'd have to earn the right to see him. Whatever it was, she'd do it.

Maren stepped out of the truck, her gaze sweeping across the bustling courtyard of the Sanctuary. The sprawling compound was a hive of activity, with Saviors moving with purpose, fulfilling their assigned duties. Negan's presence commanded respect and even reverence from those they encountered, a testament to the power he wielded over this community.

"Welcome to the Sanctuary."

As they walked, Negan introduced Maren to some of the key figures at the Sanctuary, each person displaying a mixture of fear and respect in Negan's presence. They were certainly a diverse group, survivors from different walks of life, all brought together under Negan's command.

"Maren, meet Simon," Negan said, gesturing toward a tall, imposing man with a neatly trimmed beard. Simon's eyes flicked briefly to Maren before he offered a curt nod, "He's my right-hand man. Keeps things in order around here."

Maren nodded, her nervous gaze shifting from Simon to the others in the room. There were women and men, some engaged in conversations, others focused on their assigned tasks. It was a stark contrast to the life she had known before the group had discovered Alexandria, where every day was a steep struggle for survival.

Negan continued the tour, introducing Maren to Dwight, a man with a scarred face who seemed to harbor a mix of loyalty and resentment toward Negan. She knew him; he'd been with Sherry that day in the woods. She had instantly recognized him, both of them pretending to not know each other and just hoping that Negan hadn't noticed. It would be far too difficult to explain anyway.

Moving on, there was Laura, a tough and resourceful woman who commanded respect from her peers. Maren listened attentively, silently taking note of each person's role within the Sanctuary. She'd need to know who to watch for, who to avoid if she had any chance of all of getting the hell out of here with Daryl. 

As they moved through the compound, Negan explained the community's structure, its rules, and the importance of loyalty. He showed Maren the various departments responsible for food, supplies, and defense. The Sanctuary was a well-oiled machine, fueled by fear and the ever-present desire to survive. Though Maren still felt a lingering unease, she couldn't help but be intrigued by the level of organization and protection the Sanctuary provided. It was quite the contrast to the constant struggle for survival she had experienced on the outside. But it wasn't Alexandria, and it sure as hell wasn't her home.

As Negan seemed to wrap up his tour, Maren's mind raced, trying to reconcile the man she once knew with the ruthless leader who now stood before her. The weight of their shared history and the uncertainty of the future pressed heavily upon her, leaving her feeling increasingly tense and apprehensive. He could feel this.

Negan's expression softened as he gazed down at Maren, his calloused hands cupping her face tenderly, "I know how this must feel," he said, his voice low and earnest, "Being brought somewhere new. But I can keep you safe here, Maren. This is your home now."

Maren held Negan's intense stare, her own emotions a tumultuous whirlwind of conflicting feelings, "I've been keeping myself safe for a long time now," she replied, her tone less hostile than before, "I don't need you to protect me."

Despite her words, Maren couldn't deny the familiar longing that tugged at her heart. This man, for all his faults, was her father – the one she had spent two long years searching for, the one she had never stopped loving, even in the face of his brutality.

She didn't want to stay mad at him, he was her dad after all. But she was still so...conflicted. She loved him, she had longed for him for so long and now she was with him. But he had killed two of her friends in the process. She needed time to process that and she wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to forgive him for that. It was all just too much.

Negan's thumb gently caressed her cheek, and Maren hated herself for the way her body instinctively leaned into his touch, "I know you can," he murmured, his eyes never leaving hers, "But I need to. It's my job, you know, it always has been."

With a tenderness that belied his formidable reputation, Negan pressed a soft kiss to Maren's forehead, and she felt a traitorous smile tug at the corners of her lips. She hated herself for smiling. She hated herself for hugging him, but for the briefest of moments, she let herself feel content in the arms of the man she'd spent two years looking for. She had her dad back, for better or for worse. Still, she hated herself for the way she craved this connection, this affection from the man who had just taken the lives of two of her friends.

Overcome by a whirlwind of emotions, Maren found herself enveloped in Negan's embrace, her arms wrapping around him almost of their own accord. For the briefest of moments, she allowed herself to feel content, to revel in the warmth and familiarity of her father's arms.

It was all too much, a dizzying mix of love and resentment, of longing and fury. Maren knew that she would need time to process this, to reconcile the man she had once known with the ruthless leader who now stood before her. But in that instant, she couldn't deny the truth – Negan was her father, and no matter how much she wished it weren't so, a part of her would always belong to him.

As they pulled apart, Maren steeled herself, her expression hardening once more. She was here, at the heart of Negan's empire, and she would need to navigate this new reality with all the strength and resilience she could muster.

For better or for worse, she had her father back, and the road ahead would be fraught with challenges and difficult choices.