THAT NIGHT

11. Strangers

GAVI POV

Its been over two months since my fall out with Pedri at the locker room. Pre season is almost over and meanwhile I was on summer holiday in the off season. Mostly also to get my mind of things. At least the initial turmoil about my "party life" has quietened down a bit.
Still. My anxiety has only increased since then.
Ive also come to terms with my sexuality and kind of just accepted it.
I guess the exact moment was one random evening me and Ansu were chilling out on the terrace of our villa in Ibiza. I remember that we were enjoying the silence when he told me:

"You never really told me about what exactly happened with you and Pedri."- leaving it up to me if I want to share.

So i told him about how I developed this crush on him, the night in Madrid, and everything else that has occurred between Pedri and me since then. In the course of that I told him that I suspected to be gay because of this. I was I even surprised myself when it left my mouth. I had not said it aloud till then after all.
But I also felt really good that I finally did afterwards. Like coming to peace with at least one of the things I don't like about myself.

He took it really well actually. And just a few moments after I came out to Fermín as well.
We all shared a hug and spent the rest of the night talking.

The next night they already dragged me along to this elite club, telling me this is a good opportunity to finally kiss someone and get it over with. Guy or girl, just to make sure, I was gay.

In the end I was too scared to do it and backed out. Also because if something like, me "experimenting in Ibiza" ,somehow got public again, it would ruin my reputation once and for all.

I also tried my best to forget about Pedri over the course of this holiday. I did really well until I saw a picture he posted that shows him lying by the pool in Teneriffa, that reminded me of his existence. Okay, and maybe I did a bit of researching on recent rumours about him going on several dates with a girl. So what. Does not mean I still have a crush on him. It's also not like I can unfollow my own teammate on insta cause how would that look.

Of course I also miss my best friend but I really got to rebound with Ansu and Fermín again. They were really great to me about everthing I shared with them. Because of my proximity to Pedri last season I really did neglect them a little and the week in Ibiza reminded me of old times at La Masia.

Fermín was also set to join the first team soon which I was extremely exited about. Especially now that me and Pedri are not close anymore I'm grateful to have another friend in practice which I can count on. Everything seemed to fall into place again.

Except for I wasn't really over Pedri, as I had realised a week later when pre season started again. I quickly noticed that, unlike me, he didn't himself go on holiday. Quite the contrary. He's seemingly spent this extra time working on his physicality and improving his overall body fitness. And damn, that extra muscle mass suits him well. As if that wasn't enough I learned that the "girl" he was going out with was the girl from Madrid back then. So yeah, maybe after all still find him attractive and am jealous of his dating life. And It makes me angry he doesn't deserve it. I know my worth now.