(Tw: eating disorder) I apologize in advance for any of you 1989 lovers (I'm one of them😔)
(Time skip to 5 o'clock that evening)
🩵1989🩵🥰🩷✋ (i set my phone down for a sec and my cat wanted to add some emojis to the story, so thank you to my co-author, Nala, for that amazing contribution🫡)
Everyone was sitting around doing their own thing as me and Lover started making dinner.
"1989, can I ask you a question?"
"Yeah of course, you can ask me anything. What's up?" I smiled, expecting her to ask for advice or something. I was not prepared for what she was actually about to ask me.
"How come you never eat? Like I swear I never actually see you eat. There's no way you're just not hungry all the time. Are you okay?" I appreciated that she at least lowered her voice when she asked me, but I had no clue how to answer a question like that.
"Um" I tried to think of how to respond. I couldn't. All I could do was think about how I've been in and out of an eating disorder for the past year and no matter what I tried I couldn't get better. It was constantly there and affecting me in more ways than someone would think. I couldn't bring myself to eat anything without throwing up. I've never told anyone about this because to be honest, I'm embarrassed and ashamed of it. Keeping it secret is probably why I haven't gotten better. I couldn't keep struggling on my own. It's only gonna get worse if I don't get help. I knew this, but I hadn't actually admitted it to myself until now.
"I-" I tried to get something out but all that escaped was a sob as I broke down. I felt so dumb and vulnerable, I never cry. I'm usually the one helping other people through a panic attack. I was so thankful for Lover though, because without thinking twice she wrapped her arms around me as tight as she could, telling me it was okay and that she was here for me.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I never cry like this, especially in front of other people."
"Hey, don't apologize. It's okay, I'm right here."
I wanted to talk to her about it all, I really did, but then the oven beeped, meaning everyone ran into the dining room immediately because people in this house are uncivilized when it comes to food. So I had to suck up my tears and act like I was fine like I always do. I managed to stop crying before anyone else saw me, so I sat down and tried to forget about it. Until I couldn't.
"1989, why don't you ever eat?" Red asked.
"I'm fine, I'm not that hungry."
"You literally say that every single day" Rep commented.
"I never see you eat, and you're already like pencil thin." Red added once more with a hint of worry in her voice.
"It isn't that hard, just eat something"
"Rep! Don't say that" Lover glared at her, despite the fact that she was obsessed with Rep. Good to know she had my back.
"Am I wrong?" She said, staring me dead in the eye as she took a giant mocking bite of food.
"Reputation! Knock it off!!"
I appreciated Lovers efforts, but I couldn't take it. I had stopped crying, but everyone's comments had triggered another panic attack, and I wasn't about to cry in front of everyone. So I got up.
"I'll be right back."
As I stood to walk out of the room, I got lightheaded. I was gonna ignore it and just keep walking, because I got lightheaded pretty often. But this wasn't something I could ignore.
I was, like, really lightheaded. I tried to take a deep breath but it wasn't working.
The last thing I remember was someone yelling my name, except it was muffled and sounded very distant, and then everything went black and silent.
💜Speak Now💜
One moment everyone was sitting around the table in an awkward silence , and the next was like absolute hell. The second that 1989 collapsed on the floor, everyone sprang up from their seats and rushed over to her side. Everyone was yelling her name and shaking her but she was fully unconscious. Someone yelled to call 911 while someone else started violently shaking her and another was yelling at everyone to give her space. The chaos and panic was overwhelming. I don't remember what everyone was doing, all I remember was everything being really loud and everyone pushing and shoving each other as we tried to get 1989 to wake up. There was no luck.
