Fate's Magic

32- the hunt

SUHAANA SINGHANIA POV:-

"I don't want to talk about it.."
He said and fell asleep in my lap leaving me Careassing her hair.

The way raj was crying while telling me about his past..the way he has been carrying the weight on his shoulders by thinking that he was the reason behind his family's downfall..I know how it feels to think that you are the person who ruined everything.. everyday feels like another battle between you and the voices in your head telling you to give up..on yourself..on everything..

Bohot log umeed chod dete..but he.he used his fears to get back on his feet..he not only defeated his own thoughts and monsters but also the people who doubted and shamed him..

You hide these scars thinking you are weak but no raj..they show how strong you actually are..how much you have been through.. but just because you are strong it doesnt mean ki you dont need protection and care..

I felt a pinch of guilt eating me alive..he went through all this and i didnt know..He was hurting all along was enduring all this pain silently while all i did was burden him with my problems and issues.. 

It hurts knowingly you are going through so much and i an not able to do anything..

I am feeling helpless.. seeing you lie and pretend that you are fine..
Seeing the person whom you love so dearly go through the hardships alone when all you want to do is just hug and comfort them..

I know you like handling things alone raj...I really do know and respect that..but it's hard to accept that you are pushing me away during your hard times when you are the person who saved me..who made me feel like me when I was feeling down..

I want to be there for you..to help you..to tell you that all of it wasn't your fault..

It's easy to say "i understand" and pretend like you do..
Par sirf samjhne waale ko uss ek sentence ke peeche ka dard pata hota hai..

It's breaking me apart seeing you like this and not being able to do anything..
The fear of you doing something to yourself is eating me alive..

Please..please let me in raj..nahi ho raha hai mujhse ye sab.. it's hard seeing you aise...please...

But I can't tell you all this..I have to understand you no matter how and what I feel.. because that's what a understanding partner does...

I know you are trying to escape this..
But I can't see uoh like this..
I know things are hard bt mein hun na yahan
Bae the last time we decided na we will try to make things better
But kyun raj..

Agar mein samaj Rahi hu then please try to understand me too...
Smjho na..ki dar lagta hai..
Khane ka aapko Jaise sabko kho diya...

Shayad you think ki mein na samajh paa rahi hon tujhe abhi
But  I understand why you are doing this.. You think you are the worst person alive right now...

mein hu yahan..
Tum do words bolo mein baaki khud samajh jaungi yaar..

Nahi bhi samajh rahi hongi toh efforts daalungi..

But..I can't tell you all this..raj..
I can't..tell you all this..

You won't be able to tell me what's going on..it's fine..

I will still protect you without knowing everything..

Aapki ek muskurahat ke liye sab kuch dav pe lagane ke liye tayar hain hum..

Aapne mere hamesha saath diya..par jab aapko meri zarurat hai..mein akela kaise chod dun..
You will never admit or say that i was a burden to you..but thats what i am feeling right now..I should have been there with you like you were with me..i should have protected you.. tried to make things better for you..