From Her Perspective (BWWM)

XIII

Auriella Devereaux

3 years ago

"Auriella!" Leo's voice startled me, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin.

"What's the matter with you? You've been zoning out the last few days," he said before sitting in the chair across my desk. I sighed and frowned at the unfinished ad I was creating for Bradford Enterprises.

After Billy abandoned me, I returned to school and earned my Graphic Design degree. Once I graduated, I started working as head of graphic design for my brother, Leo. I was in over my head accepting this position. I'm drowning. Suffocating under the pressure, but I can't give Billy the satisfaction of completely ruining my life.

"I saw him," I said quietly. His eyebrows raised as he leaned forward.

"Who?"

"Billy. I saw him a few days ago at a bar," he nodded before sighing.

"You never told me what happened between you two. You're going to France with him one minute, and the next, you're back at school and changing your major," he said. I never told anyone what happened between Billy and I. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed that I let myself entertain the thought of building a life with him that he didn't want.

"It doesn't matter what happened. I just— I didn't expect to see him. I didn't realize he was back, and he caught me off guard,"

"Maybe you should talk to him. I know that you were in love with him, Auri. That doesn't just go away. I'm not saying forgive him for whatever he did, but at least hear him out," I frowned at his rationalness.

"I blame Karina for how reasonable you sound right now," he smiled at the mention of his new girlfriend.

"Well, when you know, you know. Anyway, you should talk to him so you can finally finish that ad for me," he said, pointing to the unfinished design in front of me.

"Fine, I'll call him,"

Present

I chuckled with delight as I felt the wind swirling around me while the four of us hurriedly made our way to the car. Billy gallantly swung the car door open for me just as the media started converging upon us. I hopped into the car without wasting a second, and Billy swiftly darted to the driver's seat. With a quick turn of the key, he revved up the car and sped away, leaving the paparazzi in our dust before they could even get close to us.

"Where to?" he asked as he drove away from the building. He looked at me with a crooked smile and bright eyes that made him look ten years younger.

"There's a fairground around here. We should go," Cleo suggested. I hummed in agreement as I looked up the directions to it.

While Leo and Cleo ensured Miles and her dad were okay, Billy gently reached over and took my hand. I looked over and saw that his eyes were focused on the road. He smiled when I clasped my fingers around his. He looked at peace. Genuinely happy about the small act of affection. It almost made me want to blurt out those three little words I hadn't told him in years. Of course, I should start saying it in public, but those words feel sacred. He was the first man I told them to.

"Look at you staring at your husband," I heard Cleo coo. If only she knew I was thinking about how I shouldn't tell him I love him. Billy looked over and smiled at me.

"I can't help it,"

Soon, the four of us arrived at the fairgrounds. Fortunately, there weren't many people here. There wasn't even a line for tickets. We got our wristbands and headed near the rides.

As Cleo and Leo eagerly made their way towards the towering Ferris wheel, I stood beside my "husband" for the first time all day. Billy looked down at me with a warm smile, and I had to stop myself from melting under his gaze. His eyes held a million unspoken words. This man always looked at me like I was the only woman in the universe, and it was taking everything out of me to remember that I wasn't really his wife.

"Wanna get on the Ferris wheel?" he asked. I nodded as he pulled me towards the ride. The ride operator scanned our wristband and opened the door for us. Billy helped me inside before sitting down next to me. I absentmindedly laid my head against his chest.

"You used to love Ferris wheels when we were in college. You always made sure we rode it at least three times whenever the fair was here,"

"I love being so high from the ground. The city looks so beautiful when you're at the top," I said. He nodded against me and wrapped his arm around me. I looked up at him, and those green eyes pierced through me. I lifted my head slightly before leaning in and kissing him. He instantly brought his hands to caress my jaw as he brought me closer to him. I didn't even realize we were moving until he pulled away. I immediately leaned back into him, but he stopped me.

"We should stop, Ella,"

"Why? We're in public. You can touch me now, Billy,"

"It is already hard enough to maintain my little self-control regarding you. Don't test me right now,"

"I like testing you," I admitted as we stopped at the top.

"I've noticed," he said as he smirked at me.

"But you love it when I do,"

"I love everything about you but can't fix what I broke in us. I don't deserve to have you,"

"Billy," I whispered as he shook his head at me.

"I want meals with you in the evening. I want to go to sleep and wake up to you in the mornings. I want dates where you're not forced to hold my hand. I want all of your smiles. I want to earn them. I want to kiss you when no one's watching. I want to worship you. I want to deserve you, Ella. I want to know all of your secrets. I want to provide for you. I want you to not only be here for 18 million dollars. I want to know who Lisa Monroe is and why you nearly went broke depositing money in her account. I want you to want me, Auriella," he finished as I tried to stop my eyes from watering. I hate to admit it, but I want those things too. I want a future with him, but I don't think we'll ever have that.

"I-I...Billy, I don't know what to say," I said. He let out a breath before nodding.

"Ride's over," he said in a clipped tone. I didn't even realize the Ferris wheel stopped. Billy stood and helped me out. Cleo and Leo came out of the cart with their arms around each other.

I wish it was that easy for us.

"I want cotton candy," Cleo said, pulling me with her. I turned to look at Billy, but he immediately turned away from me and began talking to Leo. Cleo bought us all cotton candy and was rambling about something I didn't catch. My mind was a million miles away as I thought about the man beside me who had just poured his heart out, and I gave him nothing in return.