From Her Perspective (BWWM)

XIV

Auriella Devereaux

3 years ago

I looked at the tall building as I sucked in a breath.

This is a mistake. If he wanted to talk, he wouldn't have left.

I was about to turn around when I saw those piercing green eyes that made my heart skip a beat. Billy's eyes widened as he stopped in front of me.

"Ella? What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I wanted to talk. Is it a good time?"

"Yeah, I was just going to get a coffee. Join me?" he asked as his eyes quickly scanned over me before nodding at the coffee kiosk across the street. I nodded before letting him lead me across the street. We walked silently as I tried to gather what I wanted to say.

"One hot coffee with two sugars and a caramel latte with four pumps of white chocolate syrup," he ordered before quickly swiping his card.

"You remembered," I noted.

"Who can forget that disgustingly sweet drink?" he smirked. I smiled as we were handed our drinks before Billy led us to a bench nearby.

"You look different," he commented. I looked over to see that he was already looking at me.

"Is that a good or bad thing?" I asked. I have changed since I last saw him at that airport. I was timid and young. I was so embarrassingly naive that I missed all the signs.

"Well, you don't need me to tell you how beautiful you are, Ella," he said before sipping his coffee.

"You're right. I don't, but I do feel like you owe me an explanation," I said. There was no longer a need to qualify it or beat around the bush. I came for answers, and I'm going to leave with them.

"I fucked up, Ella. Leaving you was the biggest mistake I ever made. I regretted it the moment I stepped on that plane without you,"

"Why did you leave?" I ask, trying my damnedest to not sound small. He's lost the right to my vulnerability.

"Ella, there's no explanation I can give you that will take away the pain and loneliness of the last few years. I hurt you, and I'm surprised you're speaking to me. If I could take it all back, I would,"

"You were my best friend, Billy,"

"Is it too late to go back to that? I want you in my life, even if it's nothing like before,"

"Billy, I don't think we can ever go back to what we were. You hurt me. I shared every detail about my life with you. You knew everything about me. You knew about my trust issues. You knew about my mother. You knew how hard it was for me to get close to anyone, and you still left me,"

"I never wanted to be just another person that left you. Ella, I'm so sorry. I was 19 years old. I was young and stupid. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I regret it every single day," he said. Those green eyes that used to make me melt were wet with emotion, and he was trying to keep them at bay.

"I wish things were different," I said as I stood from the bench. His long legs moved until he was standing in front of me.

"It could be. We were friends once, Ella. We could try that again,"

"I'll think about it,"

Present

My eyes flew open as I felt myself moving. I smelt Billy's familiar cologne as he carried me across the yard towards the guest house. I must have fallen asleep in the car. He opened the door and brought me to my bed. He gently placed me in the center and began taking off my heels.

"Thank you," I mumbled as I let out a sigh of relief from having the uncomfortable shoes removed. Billy simply nodded as he pulled the blanket on me. He didn't even say goodnight before he turned to leave.

"Billy," I called him. He came to a halt, not bothering to glance back in my direction, with one foot lifted over the doorway.

"Do you want to stay?" I asked quietly. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. One minute, I'm reminding myself of what he's done, and the next, I invite him to my bed.

"You know I want to, Auriella," his voice sounded pained. He still didn't turn towards me.

"But?"

"But I need to put some distance between us," he said as he finally turned around.

"What does that mean?"

"Grandfather officially offered me the position. I'll transition over next week. By the end of next month, we will have completed our six months of marriage, which means our six months of separation will begin shortly after. You'll receive your remaining payment once that is complete," he said in a nearly monotone. He wouldn't even meet my eye.

"Stop talking to me like that,"

"Like what? I'm just letting you know you're almost free,"

"Free? You think I want to be free of you?" I said as I stood from the bed and walked over to him.

"You don't want me or any of this, Auriella,"

"Stop calling me that. I am not the reason we aren't together,"

"No, you're not, but I have done everything I can to atone for what I have done. You don't even want this anymore," he cleared his throat to cover up his voice cracking.

"I just invited you into my bed," I said as I swung my arms in frustration.

"And that's the only place you want me. You want the comfort and familiarity I bring you, but that's it. You don't want me or my love. You don't want to see past my mistakes. It's easier to remind yourself of what I've done than acknowledge your feelings for me. You don't want to let yourself see who I am now," he said as he backed away from me with a heartbreaking expression on his face.

"Billy, I don't know what to say. I-I can't—"

"I have an apartment closer to the office. I'll be staying there from now on,"

"What do you mean? You're just moving out. This is your home,"

"Actually, it's yours. It's in your contract. You get the house in the divorce,"

"Billy, why would you leave? We can share it, or I can leave. You shouldn't have to move out,"

"I can't be here with you. I can't stand being where you are anymore, knowing I'll never have you. We have a couple more public appearances, and then that's it. You won't have to see me again,"

"Bil—"

"It's not a discussion or debate. Goodnight, Auriella,"