Chapter 35

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"Love wasn't supposed to hurt this much, was it?"

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Hey Kieran,

I went to the park with Sarah today. She was talking about having a crush on someone, and I could see the excitement and hope in her eyes. I’m genuinely happy for her, but I couldn’t help but feel a pang of sorrow. I hope her crush doesn’t turn out like mine did.

As she described him, I couldn’t help but think back to those emails I wrote to you but could never send them, when I first realized I was falling for you. I remember every word, every emotion. I described you with such excitement, hope, and admiration. You were everything to me back then, and thinking about it now made me emotional.

I tried to hold back the tears, but I couldn't. I broke down in front of Sarah, and it wasn't because I wasn't happy for her. I truly am. But those memories, Kieran, they came rushing back, and it felt like my heart was being ripped apart all over again. I didn't want to cry, especially not in front of her. But some things are just beyond my control, I guess.

I keep wondering, Kieran—did you ever feel anything on those days when I was falling for you? Did you ever notice how my eyes lit up when you walked into the room, how my heart raced when you smiled at me? Was there ever anything real for you in what we had, or was it all just in my head?

What we had felt so genuine, so profound, at least to me. But now, looking back, I can't help but question everything. Was it all just an illusion? Did I read too much into your kindness, your laughter, your presence? I thought we had something special, something that could last forever. But now, it all feels like a cruel trick my heart played on me.

I wish I could go back and relive those moments, to understand what was real and what wasn’t. But all I have now are these memories that haunt me, and the unanswered questions that keep me up at night.

I hope you’re well, Kieran. I hope you’re happy, wherever you are.

Maeve

Sent : 23.05.2023
           3:45 a.m.

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