Whispers Of Yesterday

Chapter 44

"The deepest wounds come from the ones who were closest to our hearts, for they held the power to shatter us completely."

Text 42
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey Kieran,

I hope you're doing well. Or maybe I don't. I don't even know anymore. Tonight... tonight was a nightmare. I didn't even think that my winter break would be like this. When mom said that she was inviting her old friends over, I could never imagine them to be your parents and you along with them. It was like the world was playing dirty tricks on me. Seeing you at my doorstep, standing there with your parents, like nothing had ever happened between us, like we were just strangers passing each other in the hallway at school... it tore me apart, Kieran. It tore me apart in ways I can't even begin to describe.

When your mom asked how we knew each other, and you said that we barely do, that we've only seen each other at school sometimes... it felt like the world had dropped out from beneath me. It felt like everything I had ever known, everything I had ever felt, had been a lie. How could you say that, Kieran? How could you say that about us, about everything we shared? Was it all just a game to you, a joke? Did you ever really care about me at all?

I couldn't even stay there after that, Kieran. I had to get away from there, away from you, before I completely fell apart. All those feelings I had been trying so hard to push away came rushing back, crashing over me like a tidal wave. I felt sick to my stomach, like I was going to throw up right then and there. And you know what? I did. I ran upstairs to the bathroom, barely making it in time before everything came rushing out of me. It was like all the pain, all the hurt, all the confusion, was pouring out of me in waves, drowning me from the inside out.

And you didn't even bother to check on me, Kieran. You didn't even bat an eye as I ran off, as if my feelings didn't matter at all to you. It was so rude, so thoughtless, so... unlike you. I thought you cared about me, Kieran. I thought you valued our friendship, our bond. But now... now I don't even know what to think anymore.

My parents were so worried about me, Kieran. They kept asking me what was wrong, why I was acting this way, but I couldn't tell them. I couldn't explain to them how seeing you, seeing us, like that had ripped me to shreds. I couldn't even begin to understand it myself, let alone try to put it into words for them.

I cried the whole night, Kieran. I cried until my eyes were swollen and red, until my throat was raw and sore. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore, until all that was left was this empty, hollow feeling inside of me, this gaping hole where my heart used to be.

I tried to sleep, Kieran. I really did. But every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was you-your smile, your laugh, your touch. It was like you were haunting me, like I couldn't escape you no matter how hard I tried. And every time I thought about how things used to be between us, how happy we were, it just made the pain that much worse, that much more unbearable.

I can't stop blaming myself for ever letting you into my life, for ever thinking that we could be something more than just friends. I should have known better, Kieran. I should have seen this coming. But I was blinded by my feelings for you, by my hope that maybe, just maybe, we could make it work.

I don't know if I can face you anymore, Kieran. I don't know if I can look you in the eye and pretend like everything's okay, like my world isn't falling apart around me. Maybe I should just skip getting out, hide away from the world until I can figure out how to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart.

I wish I could turn back time, Kieran. I wish I could undo all the pain and heartache that you've caused me. But I can't. All I can do is try to pick myself up and move forward, even when it feels like the weight of the world is crushing me.

I hope you're happy, Kieran. I hope whatever you have with Sofia is worth it, worth breaking my heart into a million pieces. Because right now, all I feel is pain, all I see is darkness, all I know is that I never want to feel this way again.

Goodbye, Kieran. Maybe someday, when the wounds aren't so fresh, when the pain isn't so raw, we can talk again. But for now, I need to focus on healing, on finding a way to piece myself back together without you.

Take care,
Maeve

Sent : 19.12.2022
           12:06 a.m.