Unapologetic (LGBTQ+ Trans MxM)

Chapter 6

I walked into the cafeteria, people sitting at tables gulping up their sandwiches. The overwhelming sound of laughter filled my ears. It should’ve made me happy, but I couldn't laugh with them. I walked towards the table I usually sat at. All the way in the far right corner. It felt like my safe place. Knowing that only me and Ethan ever sat there, no one else. Knowing that it was never occupied, that I could always go there, made it feel safe. On the way there I passed Brodie who was sitting on a table with his friends, he grinned at me thinking I wouldn't see his leg, ready to come out from under the table, to trip me. He had done it before, he succeeded that time. But when you have felt the overwhelming embarrassment of the whole school laughing at you, you start being more careful, more aware. I wouldn't let that happen. Not again. When he extended his leg I took a big step, making sure to lift my foot high enough, stepping right over his leg. I kept on walking, a smirk forming on my face while I made eye contact with Ethan, already sitting there. One of Brodie's friends laughed behind me but suddenly got silent when Brodie stomped him. 
‘Yo Nick, that was sick! Oh my god, that rhymed.’ Ethan said as he gave me a highfive. I sat down next to him. 
‘So, how is your life?’ Ethan asked, his mouth stuffed with food. 
‘Fine,’
I took my lunchbox out of my backpack and opened it. I just stared at my peanut butter and Jelly sandwich, lying in the box next to a cheese sandwich. I wasn't very hungry. The events of yesterday kept invading my mind, however many times I tried to push them away, they always came back. Leaving no room for thought. 
'Hey Nick,' I looked up, the guy that had interrupted my staring had dark curly hair, a blue and green chequered blouse, and the most beautiful green eyes. A smile spread across my face.
'Can I sit with you guys?' Devin said. 
'Yes, ofcourse!' 
'Great,' He pulled back a chair and sat down next to me.
‘Who is that?’ Ethan whispered.
‘Some guy I met in detention. Devin.’
'So, why were you ignoring my texts yesterday?'
Shit, I totally forgot. Thoughts raced through my mind. What would he think of me? Would he ever forgive me? Did I mess up already? I was interrupted by my meeting with Isabel and then... You know what happened.
'I, uhm, my mom needed me,' It wasn't completely a lie. I just didn’t know what to say. I was scared that he’d hate me.
'Don't worry,' Devin said, a little laugh escaped his mouth. 'I get it.'
‘You do?’ Relieved.
‘Yeah’
He smiled at me, a warm graceful smile, telling me that it was okay.

From then on Devin had officially joined our group. Sitting with us every lunch break. Those last few weeks were great. I met up with Isabel a few times, she taught me what foundation was and how to do the shadows and highlights and stuff like that. I still didn't understand any of it. But maybe one day I will.
On a wednesday afternoon me and Devin were sitting in the cafeteria, talking about the meaning of life and that kind of stuff. Ethan wasn’t there, he left early, pretending to be sick, because he didn’t want to go to history class. Our conversation was interrupted by an asshole.
'I see you are doing good,' Said Brodie.
'Well,' I said, 'It's you are doing well, not you are doing good,' 
Brodie snorted, verg obviously annoyed by my comment.
'So you've got a boyfriend now?' He said, 'Is he just as much of a nerd as you are?'
A burning anger rose inside of me. I can accept him talking shit about me, but Devin doesn’t deserve such treatment. I stood up, my hands clenched in a fist on the table. I looked at Brodie, piercing his eyes. My blood boiled, my heart rate doubled. And Brodie just grinned at me. There wasn't much holding me back from starting a fight again. Insult me, fine, insult one of my only friends, you are dead.
I felt a warm hand touching my left fist. Holding it in his palm. I looked down, my hands relaxed. Devin's eyes were friendly, calm. The opposite of the storm that's raging inside me.
His fingers intertwined with mine and I took a deep breath.
'Will you please leave us alone?' I said to Brodie.
He was thinking, then he shook his head in disagreement and said 'Nah, I don't think I will.’
I looked at him one more time before I sat down. At my safe place.
Brodie was surprised by my reaction. He wanted to get me to snap. But I wouldn’t, not in front of Devin. But Brodie didn't give up either.
'Aw, are you scared to start a fight again?'
I was biting on the inside of my cheek, trying to hold down my anger, a sharp metallic taste filled my mouth. 
Okay Nick, just count down from ten, that’s what your therapist told you to do in a situation like this, it helps.
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Sev-
'Hey Brodie, if you want Nick's attention so badly you could just ask, you know?' 
Said Devin next to me. I looked up.
'Why do you want Nick's attention so badly anyway?' Devin Gasped, 'Oh my god, do you like him?' Devin smiled.
My anger sunk away, the fire dimmed. And I was holding back a laugh. 
'You like him don't you?' 
'What? No!' he was offended
'Oh my god, Brodie likes Nick, Brodie likes Nick' Devin said singsongy.
'God you guys are so weird,' Said Brodie, he spit it out, like it was a bad thing. Then he turned around and angrily walked back to his table. 
He wasn't even three meters away and I couldn't hold it in anymore, I burst out.
My laugh filled the whole cafeteria, but I didn't care. I laughed, really laughed, something that wasn’t very common in my life.
'You know, you look great when you laugh, you should do it more.' 
Devin said after I could finally breathe properly again. 
'You should tell people off more often,'
'Yeah, turns out I'm really good at making people feel extremely uncomfortable,' He said, chuckling proudly.
'Well, it still doesn't work on me,'
'Are you sure?' 
Devin looked at me, his eyes wide open, piercing straight through mine. Straight through the barriers I set up during all those years of rejection. They say the eyes are the doorway into the soul, I get what they mean now. Even if it was just for a few seconds, I felt so vulnerable in that moment, like he could see all my secrets, all my wounds. He pierced my armour, broke down my protective walls. I looked away, because truthfully, I didn’t want him to see me, see me for who I really am, because I didn’t want him to back away. To reject me, like all the others had done.
'Okay,’ I agreed, ’maybe it does work on me,'
He smiled, and I smiled back.
'You know, I think Brodie is right,'
'What?'
'We are weird.'
I looked into his beautiful eyes.
'Yeah, we are.’