Unapologetic (LGBTQ+ Trans MxM)

Chapter 12

My legs were leading the way. The path dimly lit by the streetlights and the faint glow of the moon, watching over me. I was exhausted, my muscles burned. My legs couldn't hold me anymore and I collapsed, catching myself on a lamppost just in time. I looked up. The street was dark. A cat scurried away. A cold wind blew in my face. I hadn't prepared for this. I left everything at home, my coat, my keys, my phone, I couldn't even call anyone. I didn't recognise any of the houses or any of the cars. I was lost, and I had no way to get back home. I had no idea how I even got here. My only goal had been to get away. Far, far away. Away from my parents. Away from the pain. Away from everything. I wasn't thinking in that moment, I just knew that I had to get away. And so I did.
I looked around.
A playground, I was standing at the edge of a playground. The ground was covered in sand and in front of me was a swing. Such a normal thing. But it was probably someone's childhood. Someone who used to play here every day when they were younger. Must be nice.
I looked around a bit more. Taking it all in. There was a little wooden house built to play in. It was old, the red paint had weathered away for the most part, revealing the dirty wood underneath. I stumbled towards it, climbed inside and sat down on the floor. My head hurt and I touched my temple. I immediately flinched. My fingers were red. I could barely see it in the dark, but it was clear that it was blood. A streak had flown down the side of my face. I touched the space underneath my eye, that would leave a mark. A dark purple bruise. I had scraped my knees. I was exhausted, cold, hurt. It was dark. Everything was dark.
I closed my eyes and before I knew it I fell asleep. Closing my eyes, leaving me vulnerable, unprotected, in a little wooden house. Someone's childhood. Probably.

I sat upright, blinking my eye against the stripe of white light shining through the wooden planks on the wall. My head was pounding and my whole body hurt.
I was shivering. I looked at the red on my hands and knees. I needed to get help. I couldn't stay here. I slowly climbed out of the little house and fell into the sand, my legs too tired to hold up my body weight.
Specks of grey sand stung in my wound. A tear flew down my cheek as I was laying on the ground. My hands hurt, my arms hurt, my legs hurt, my chest hurt, my head hurt. Everything hurt.
I had nothing.
No plan.
Nowhere to go.
But I couldn't stay there, I needed to move forward somehow.
'Get it together Nick. You survived his beating before, you shall do it again.' I said.
I took a deep breath and stood up. I looked around for anything that could help me locate where I was.
Nothing.
I tried to see where I had come from but I had no idea. Nothing felt familiar. Last night I thought that it might've just been too dark. But I really was lost.
Eventually I made a decision. If you don't know where to go, it doesn't matter where you go. Just go somewhere. I walked into one of the streets hoping that I might find something familiar there. But once again the universe had left me alone.
I heard thunder and the next thing I knew rain was pouring down. I swear, god, or whoever is in charge, hates me.
I quickly went the first turn to the right and walked all the way to the end of the street when I saw something. A street sign. I recognised the name. But from where?
The map in detention flashed through my mind. The one of the city. I remembered this street. I remember seeing it when I looked up where Devin lived. I was only a few blocks away from his house, from home.
I followed the map in my head, hoping that I was going the right way.
My hair was sticking to my face, pools of water had formed on the street. My clothes were soaked.
I saw the beautiful, deep blue door a mile away. Someone walked up to the door. I recognised him. The way he walked, the way he stood. A dark blue raincoat was hiding his beautiful dark curly hair and blue and green chequered button up.
I quickly stumbled towards him. Using all the energy I had left. I needed to reach him, get to him before he went inside.
'Devin...'
He quickly turned around.
'Nick?'
He caught me before I had noticed that I was falling.
'Devin I...' My voice left me alone.
He helped me inside through the door and sat me on the stairs.
'Nick, I was so worried! Are you okay?' He noticed my wounds.
'You are hurt, what happened?'
'I, uhm,' I couldn't focus. My head hurt like hell and I was shivering.
'Nevermind,' Said Devin 'Let's get you cleaned up first,'
He closed the door, hung up his coat and helped me up. Going up the stairs wasn't as easy as I had hoped and when we finally got to the bathroom I was on the point of collapsing, again.
I sat down on the toilet.
'Uhm, I'm going to get some dry clothes for you, okay?' He said before he walked out, leaving me behind.
Moments later the door opened but it wasn't Devin. A little boy, I think he was about eight, with dark curly hair, was standing in the doorframe.
'Who are you?' He asked in a high pitched voice.
'Uhm, I'm Nick,'
'Is that blood?'
I didn't know how to answer that.
'Uhm-'
'Billy! What are you doing here?' Devin came in angrily.
'I just wanted to go pee but that random guy was sitting there!' He said in an angry squeaky voice.
'That random guy is a good friend and we are busy, can you please leave us alone?'
'Alright, I guess I'll go pee downstairs!' Billy crossed his arms, stuck his tongue out at Devin and stomped down the stairs, leaving me and Devin alone in the bathroom.
'I'm so sorry about my brother, he's a bit of an ass,'
'I think it was cute,'
A slight smile formed on Devins face.
'Alright, so I got you these clothes,' Devin showed me a grey hoodie and sweatpants. 'If you turn the left knob in the shower you'll turn on the water, you can change the temperature with the right one. I'll be outside if you need me.' He gave me a reassuring look and walked out the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
I sighed. My head was dizzy. Cold wet clothes were hugging my body. I grabbed my shirt and raised my arms. An excruciating pain hit my shoulders. My arms hurt. I couldn't get them high enough, the fabric was sticking to my body and there was not enough strength in me. Tears of frustration formed in my eyes. I tugged and I pulled, but whatever I tried, I couldn't get it off.
'Devin?' My voice was trembling.
'Yeah?' I heard from the other side of the door.
'I-I can't get my clothes off.'
Devin opened the door and walked towards me.
He grabbed my shirt in his soft hands and gently pulled it up, over my head.
'Shit'
He looked at me, down at the area that just got exposed. He ran his fingers down the side of my chest, looking at all the bruises, the scars, the pain that was left behind. I flinched when he hit the most recent bruise.
'I'm so sorry,' He said. 'I-I should've asked first,'
'I-it's okay,'
We looked each other in the eye. Then Devin looked at my chest. The double sports bra covering my boobs.
'Uhm,' He said.
I nodded, turned around so I was facing the wall, and he helped me take them off.
'Thank you,' I said. 'I think I can do my trousers myself,'
'Yes, ofcourse,' He stood up and walked out the door, closing it.
I took off the rest of my clothes and got into the shower.
The hot streams of water felt like a warm hug. They washed away the blood, the pain. The visible marks, that aren't bruises or scars. I stayed in it for at least 10 minutes. Just letting it all wash away. I was safe now. Dad wouldn't hurt me here.
I got out and quickly put on the clothes Devin had given me. I held the hoodie in my hands and smelled it. It smelled like him.
I opened the bathroom door, Devin looked up from his phone and smiled at me.
'Are you feeling better?'
I nodded.
'Go downstairs, I'm just gonna get some stuff for your wounds,' he said 'You can make tea if you want to.'
'Okay,' I smiled. My face hurt but I didn't care, a smile is a smile.
Downstairs I put up a pot of tea. I didn't know where the tea was, I could only find the cups. I was sitting at the counter when Devin came downstairs. He put all the stuff he took from upstairs on the kitchen island. There were bandages and disinfection things, you know what I mean. He took out the tea from the only cupboard I forgot to check and put the teabag in the pot. Then he went to sit in front of me.
He grabbed a towel from the kitchen island and started to clean the wound on my temple.
'So,' he said 'what happened?'
'Uhm' Is the only thing I could say. How could I ever explain the situation to him?
'You know that I didn't want us to hang out at my house?'
'Yeah?' He said while dabbing my wound.
'Well, my dad...' My voice left me.
Devin stopped cleaning my wounds and looked right in my eyes.
I tried to continue my story.
'He-he... he, uhm...' I couldn't put it to words, I couldn't actually say it out loud, because that would make it real.
'He did this?' Devin asked with a calm voice.
I looked down, I think my face said enough because I suddenly felt two strong, warm arms around me. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I wrapped my arms around Devin. I cried on his shoulder. He húgged me, not the awkward, meaningless kind of hug. A strong, warm kind of hug. One that goes beyond language, one that says so much more than words do. One that tells you that they care about you.

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Sorry for not posting on Saturday. I kind of forgot, so yeah. We are a chapter behind now. But luckily this was an extra long chapter so I hope that makes up for it. I wish you all the best and if you are reading this later than it really doesn't matter and I just hope you'll have fun reading the next few chapters!
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For the people reading this while I'm posting it. I'm sorry for not posting the next chapter yet. I'm taking a short break from finishing the last 3 chapters (they still needed to be edited). They will probably come out next month (July).