Unapologetic (LGBTQ+ Trans MxM)

Chapter 11

Devin showed me his room, it was filled with drawing supplies and paints. He had shown me some of his art, a proud grin on his face. We hung out for a while. At six o'clock we went downstairs and ate dinner. They were leftovers from the day before, pasta, but it still tasted delicious. After dinner I left to go back home. We were standing at the door, as we said goodbye. I walked out and Devin waved at me. My body was filled with warmth, I felt happy, I felt safe. A feeling I was very grateful for.
I walked through the dark streets of the city, making my way back home. My hood covered my head. The streetlights showing me the way. It was already late, later than I anticipated. I was supposed to be home already. I walked on my street now, to my house. I took my keys out of my pocket while I walked to the door.
Would they be asleep already? It was only eight thirty o'clock but it was possible. Mom had work early tomorrow and dad, well, no one knows his plans.
I put the key in the lock and opened the door. I stepped inside, there was hiphop music playing through the speakers. Great, that means that dad is probably still awake. I hung my coat on the hanger and walked to the kitchen to get some water. That's when I saw my father. He was leaning on the kitchen counter and looked me up and down. His eyes pierced through my skin.
'And where have you been?' He asked, relatively calmly.
'I was at a friend's house, I left a note?'
'No you didn't'
What? Did he not find it? I swear I had placed it on the counter so it would be visible for him. Maybe it had fallen?
'Yes I did leave a note, maybe it fell on the ground or something but I am sure that I left it, right there.' I said, pointing to the spot where I had left the note hours earlier, putting my phone and keys on the countertop to free my hands.
'There was this note,' Dad took a piece of paper out of his pocket. And held it in front of his face. 'I'm hanging out with a friend. I won't be eating at home. I'll probably be back at eight. Nick.' Dad read it out loud. 'Who the hell is Nick?'
'Uhm, I-I'm Nick,' I said as confidently as my voice would allow.
'No you're not,' Said dad 'You are Madelynn. I named you Madelynn.'
'But I don't feel comfortable with that name,' I whispered, not thinking that he could hear me.
'Is this your little trans-whatever drama again? We talked about this! How many times do I have to tell you that you are a girl!'
'I...' My voice left me. All I wanted was for him to see me as a boy, to treat me with respect, like a son. Is that really too much to ask?
'Where's mom?'
'Hah,' Dad laughed sarcastically 'Where's mom? Huh? Well she's out in the dark looking for you because you don't even know your own goddamn name!' He spit in my face.
'No, you are the one that doesn't know my name,' I felt the anger rushing through my body.
'Come on Madel-'
'Nick,' I said sternly.
Dad's eyes narrowed, a fire rushing through them. Blood boiling. He breathed heavily. Then he took my hoodie in his hands and pushed me against the wall. I could've expected that, but I wasn't thinking. There wasn't any space for coherent thoughts. Just anger. Deep red anger.
'Don't interrupt me, young lady,' He spit in my face. Holding me against the wall.
'You aren't going to disrespect your old man, huh? Not when he's been so good to you,' He said 'Not in my house. Got it?'
'You haven't been good to me at all.' I said.
Bang.
I fell on the ground. A piercing headache consumed everything. My vision was blurry, I saw dad standing over me. I tasted the iron flavour of blood in my mouth and my nose dripped.
He walked up to me. My heart was pounding. I quickly stood up and tried to run up to my room but my dad grabbed my hood and I fell back. He held my arms in his strong arms and dragged me through the hallway. I tried to get away, to escape his grip, but he was too strong. He was always too strong. He pushed me against the wall, the same one I had been pushed against so many times before. One of his arms was positioned on my chest, holding me in place. It felt like I couldn't breathe. He held his finger up to my face. Ready to tell me even more how useless I am. How I don't belong in this world. Because that's what he usually said.
Suddenly the door opened. And mom was standing in the doorframe, looking at the scene in front of her.
Dad's grip loosened.
Time seemed to slow down, I pushed him off me, he fell backwards, mom looked shocked. I ran towards the door. I felt dad trying to grip my arm but failed to hold on. I looked in front of me. At the darkness outside. Away, out of this prison. I passed my mom through the door. She didn't stop me. It wasn't her first instinct. I ran. My vision is still blurry, my pounding headache making it impossible to think. The future didn't matter, nothing mattered. I just had to get out of there. So I ran, my legs moving me forward, no idea where to. Away, that's what mattered. I needed to get away. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Dad was yelling things to me but I didn't hear it anymore. There was only me, and the next step forward. Into the unknown darkness of the night.