Unapologetic (LGBTQ+ Trans MxM)

Chapter 7

Don’t get me wrong, I love sports. It’s a great way to get your emotions out, so they don’t bottle up inside your body. Running helps to calm your mind, or playing soccer. But gym class, that is another story. Me and Ethan were walking to the changing rooms, just like every other Friday afternoon. I was mentally preparing myself for what was to come. Gender dysphoria was always the worst during PE.
‘So, what did we do last week?’ I asked Ethan. 
‘Is your memory seriously that bad?’
‘No, I was sitting at the principal's office, remember?’
‘Oh my god, I totally forgot about that,’ Ethan laughed. 
‘Is your memory seriously that bad?’
‘Shut up,’ he said.
We arrived at the changing rooms. The girls' room was the first in the hallway and I stopped walking when I arrived there.
‘I always forget you have to change with the girls,’
‘Yeah,’ I said absently. It wasn’t right. But the school refused to let me change with the other boys, though, thinking about it, I’d have to change with Brodie, and that is not much better. I wish they had gender neutral changing rooms. 
‘Try to see it in a positive light, you get to see girls change, do you know how many boys would love to see that?’
‘I’ve seen girls change my whole life, it's nothing special,’ I said ‘And you are disgusting,’
‘It was just a joke!’ He said, defensively, ’Well, good luck mate,’
‘Thanks, I’m going to need it,’
‘See you on the other side,’
Ethan held his hand above his eyes, palms down and moved it forward as a salute. I just gave him a little smile. He turned around and skipped to the guys changing room.
I held my hand on the handle. It felt cold on my hand. I looked at the grooves in the wooden door. Alright, here we go. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Some girls shrieked and others yelled at me to close the door. I put my hands up.
‘Don’t worry, it's just me,’
I felt their eyes piercing in my skull, some girls were whispering to each other. I smiled faintly and took a seat on the bench all the way in the corner. It felt like a hiding place. Like the world could see a little bit less of me. If I had the choice I’d change in the toilet so I didn’t have to go through this, but the school doesn’t like that. I took my jacket and t-shirt off. Underneath I had two sportbra’s stacked over each other, a desperate attempt to get my boobs to go away, to disappear. But they never did. I quickly put on my gym shirt and shorts. I looked down at my hairy legs, I smiled, at least that part was masculine. I walked towards the door. I was the last to arrive and the first to leave.
‘Can I open it?’ I asked the girls.
‘Wait one second,’ one of them said.
We always have to do this, I guess it's girl code or something. I get it though, they don’t want anyone to see them half naked. I wouldn’t want that either.
‘Alright, you can open the door now,’ 
I opened the door and walked into the Gym. Ethan was shooting hoops at the other end of the room and waved at me when he saw me. I ran to him. He gave me the basketball when I arrived. I held it above my head and shot at the hoop, but I missed.
‘Ah, no worries man, better luck next time,’ Ethan patted me on my back. I smiled.
‘Basketball isn’t for girls like you,’
‘Just leave us alone Brodie,’ Ethan answered. A slight angry tone.
‘You know that that sentence is really problematic for more reasons than just transphobia, right?’ I said.
‘I didn’t fucking ask your opinion,’
He approached me, he was taller than me, and stronger. His face was a few inches away from mine and he stared me down. I refused to back away.
‘Hey guys, break it up!’ Mr. Wilson yelled, while he came running towards us. 
‘Brodie,’ He said, since Brodie was still looking at me aggressively. 
I hadn’t noticed that the other boys and girls had come out of the changing rooms to watch us. They probably expected a fight, like last time.
‘Brodie,’ Mr Wilson repeated. Brodie looked at me a little longer before he turned away and walked towards the bench in the corner.
Mr. Wilson took a relieved breath.
‘Alright everyone take a seat, we are starting the lesson! Hup hup!’

We were playing basketball. I love basketball, it's probably my favourite sport. It’s a fast game, the ball can go from one side of the court to the other in a blink of an eye. You have to be really aware of where everyone is. It requires total focus. It is a good distraction from all the shit that is happening in your life. More than most other sports. Well, that is if you aren’t playing in gym class where half of the people don’t even want to be. 
We were playing competitively in teams. There were four teams, randomly assigned, they would play against each other in short matches. Two teams would be playing, the other two would be on the bench. I was separated from Ethan. We played one match against each other. My team almost won, but no one can beat my boy Ethan. Including me.
The second match I played was against Brodie. I wasn’t really looking forward to having to play against him, he always cheats or plays really rough. But I know that I am better than him, and it’s satisfying to see the look on his face when he loses. He doesn’t like defeat, he just starts acting like a little kid; throwing a tantrum because he can’t accept that someone else might be better than him.
The match started off well, our team had the ball and we were making our way towards the basket. Someone passed me the ball and I shot it. The ball barely touched the ring when it went through, getting delayed by the net below. Goal! Ethan was cheering for me, calling my name and clapping. A guy from my team gave me a highfive. It felt good. 
But then the game continued. The other team had the ball. And they were making their way towards our basket. Brodie was yelling like crazy trying to get the attention of his teammate. I was right between them and the basket. His teammate gave in and finally passed Brodie the ball. He ran towards the basket, really fast, holding the ball in hand, the teacher blew on his whistle, but he didn’t listen. And I reacted too slowly. I should’ve seen it coming. I should’ve jumped to the side but my brain short circuited. Before I knew what was going on I felt a horrible pain in my stomach and my back hit the ground. His studded soccer shoes landed on my right hand. I screamed out in pain. I thought I felt something crack. I grabbed my hand with the other in a desperate attempt to protect it, or to heal it somehow.
The teacher ran towards me and kneeled down, so did Ethan. 
The teacher carefully took my hand in his and pulled back some of my fingers, trying to figure out how bad it was.
‘Nick, does this hurt? Yes? And this?’
Ethan just looked at me, not sure what to do. I saw Brodie standing behind him, smirking. That asshole.
‘Hey Ethan,’ the teacher said, ‘can you go  to the nurse’s office with Nick?’
Ethan nodded and helped me up.
‘And you,’ he turned to Brodie, ‘are in so much trouble, young man. To the principal’s office, now! This behaviour will nót be accepted in my class! Oh, and I’ll be sending an e-mail to your parents about this!’
But it wasn’t going to change what he did.