Dan's P.O.V
March 2006
My screams. My yelling. My things breaking against the wall of my room. This is the place where I am supposed to be happy. This is the place where I am told that I feel safe. This is the place where I am supposed to to call home.
But how come it doesn't feel safe for me? How come it doesn't feel happy like how people said it should be? But one thing people didn't tell me that this 'home' makes sufferage for me.
That's what this 'home' is like to me.
I'm walking home and then I step onto my front porch. Before I even pull out my keys, my brother opens up the door.
"Why the fuck are you late. You were supposed to come home an hour ago." Adrian rudely asks me.
"Why the fuck do you care" I say back to him. I was about to burst into tears, but I tried not to show it.
I push him out the way, attempting to hurry up to my room. My mother then grabs my wrist and pulls me back into the dining table. She was holding a bottle of vodka on her right hand and my wrist in the other.
"Daniel James Howell, were have you been" she hastly questions me. Gosh, that alcohol coming from her mouth was so pungent.
"I was at school. I was trying to finish up an assaignment. I was with my classmate Jessica. She was tutoring me."
"That's sounds like the bullshit your father said when he said 'I do'". She then takes a chug of vodka down her throat.
"You better fucking not have had sex in the janitor's office. Or her giving you a blowjob in the boys bathroom" She continues.
"No I wasn't mother. Now can you please let go of my wrist."
She looks down at my wrist and then rudely says,
"Daniel, are you cutting yourself? Why the hell are you doing this?" She then burps, expelling more of the terrible alcohol fumes into the atmostsphere. "Let go of me mom!" I yanked my hand out of her hand and ran up stairs.
"Wow Dan you're such a fucking pussy. Can't handle a little situation in your life without feeling the need to cut yourself. You're weak as hell!" Adrain hollared as I ran up to my room
I slammed my door behind me right when I entered my bedroom. I slid down the door and sat against it. Tears spilling down my eyes, barely even able to see what was in front of me.
After a long fifteen minutes of sobbing, I stood up and walked into the bathroom. I left my room and tried to quietly go into the bathroom without my family members noticing. My mom was passed out on the couch downstairs and my brother was probably out banging that girl he met last Tuesday at Nandos.
I quietly close the bathroom door and slide down the door. Taking in a few heavy breaths, trying to get control of myself. I held my head against my hands. I eventually calmed myself down from the tears. I stood up in front of the mirror and examined myself. On my shirt was a shoe print. I lifted up my shirt to reveal a red bruising. It was inbetween my stomach and the v-line that outlined my figure. I pressed against it and a sudden whine came out of me.
"Hey fuck face, go hurt yourself in the kitchen, I need to piss" Adrian said behind the door. He began banging loudly against the door. Surely waking up mom.
Just as I picked my shirt, the door was opened with my brother and mom against each side of the door frame. "Get the fuck out Dan, Adrian needs the bathroom" my mother says to me while pointing to my bedroom door.
I closed my bedroom door and threw my shirt to the side. I was bullied. I wasn't getting tutored. I was being tortured. My school life wasn't really any better than my home life. People would call me an emo fag when I walk in between classes. Since I was twelve, I grew out my fringe to create that perfect myspace appearence. It never worked for me.
I don't even know why people make me feel like shit when I am at school. I didn't even fucking do anything. I would have contacted the school office, but I am not a good student either. I've gotton into a couple of fights and I got suspended twice this year alone. I don't think school staff is the best idea.
My life is a living hell. I don't feel safe anywhere. I don't know where I belong. I think the safest place for me is six feet underground with a casket protecting me. Away from society. Away from this living hell hole I call 'home'.
I don't know what happen. I just started to have a meltdown. It all just flashed before my eyes. What was happening? I didn't even realize I threw my Maths textbook againt the wall. I didn't realize I just ripped all my Fall Out Boy posters off the wall. What was happening to me? Was I going insane? After the realization of what I have done to my room. I stepped back against the wall and slid to floor. Nobody was there. I didn't hear a sound. Nothing. But me. Whenever I scream, there was no one there to tell me off. All I heard was my echo bouncing off of the bedroom wall. It was all body over mind. I was losing my shit.
I went online to go onto myspace to attempt to forgot what the hell just happened. But yup, same thing as always. 'Emo-fag', 'gaylord', 'weak ass pussy'. Nothing new. I try not to get too involved because I know I'll just get my ass beat when I go back to school the next day. I was just scrolling through posts and more posts of emo myspace people and I see a video link with someone I don't recognize from my school. Says 'Phil's Video Blog- 27th March 2006'
