November 2011
Dan and Phil were filming a Philisnotonfire video. Just as they finished filming, the two went to the bathroom to wash off the cat whiskers. They both were standing in front of the sink and mirror, vigorously attempting to clean away the sharpie.
"I cannot believe this is already our THIRD philisnotonfire video" Dan happily said as he was violently scrubbing his face with soap.
"Yeah, I guess. Does that mean we are good friends?" Phil shyly ask while looking into Dan's eyes in the mirror.
"What of course not! That means we are best friends!" Dan replied looking back at Phil while giggling.
"Well as best friends, does that mean we tell each other everything? No matter how bad or deep it is?" Phil once again questioned Dan.
Dan swallowed hard and replied "Yup. That's how it works right?" He manages to pull up a fake smile.
"I know you self-harmed before Dan" Phil whispered while he was staring down at the tiles on the bathroom floor while his fringe was covering his striking blue eyes.
Dead silence filled the room.
After the longest long three minutes of their lives, Dan then hesitently asks "Wh- When did you find out?". Phil turns to Dan with soft eyes "just in July. You were laying on the couch asleep and I just so happened to see what you had on your wrist". Dan bit his bottom lip and passed Phil to get to the lounge room. Phil went after and saw Dan on the couch, looking like as if he were to burst into tears.
"Dan... Dan... please. Please don't cry" Phil softly begged.
Dan had a hard grip hugging the couch pillow. Dan tried his best not to shed a tear, but a couple began to roll down his cheeks.
"Dan, how come you never told me about this?" Phil gently questioned Dan.
"Ph-Phil can we just pl-please forget about th-this?" Dan said choking on his words.
"Dan we can't just forget about this, we need to talk about this" Phil said stepping closer to the couch.
"Ph-Phil, you do-don-t understand wh-what I've be-been through" Dan said making it harder to articulate and more difficult for Phil to comprehend what he said.
"I would of understood Dan, I know, why didn't you give me a chance to be a supportive friend?" Phil began to raise his voice.
"Because you are so happy. So photogenic, so positive everyday of your life. Yo-you wouldn't understand" Dan replied with more crisp words.
"What in hell does that even mean Dan? You think everything was given to me?" he said in frustration in his words.
"You don't know what I went through Phil, so I really see no point of why you are even trying to help me. Why are we even fucking talking about this?" Dan replied.
"Because I went through tough things and-"
Dan bolted up from his seat and was now face to face with Phil. "BULLSHIT PHIL. THAT IS A LOAD OF BULLSHIT. YOU HAVE THE PERFECT LIFE. YOU ALWAYS HAD PEOPLE TO HELP YOU WHEN YOU'RE DOWN AND ALWAYS HAD PEOPLE SUPPORT YOU FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU DID. I, ON THE OTHER HAND, HAD NO SUPPORT BECAUSE PEOPLE NEVER GAVE A SINGLE SHIT ABOUT ME. I WAS LEFT ALONE IN MY ROOM. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY, DEBATING IF THE NEXT BREATH SHOULD BE MY LAST. I HAD NO ONE. I DIDN'T HAVE A SUPPORTIVE CARING FAMILY LIKE YOU. NO FRIENDS LIKE YOU. I NEVER HAD A BEST FRIEND FOR THE FIRST EIGHTEEN YEARS OF MY LIFE." At this point, his tears were gone and his voice was filled with anger.
"Look Dan I didn-" Phil was cut off by Dan once again
"NO SHUT UP PHIL. YOU DON'T GET IT. YOU ALWAYS HAD A BEST FRIEND TO HELP YOU WHENEVER YOU WERE IN NEED. SO DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TELL ME WE HAVE RELATABLE LIVES." Dan spatted out with his index finger pointing at Phil.
"Dan, please settle down." Phil begged
"NO I WON'T. DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN JUST STOP TRYING TO THINK YOU KNO-" Phil then cut off Dan.
"OK. OK I GET IT. YOU NEVER HAD A BEST FRIEND AND I DID. WELL GUESS WHAT. HE DIED. NO LONGER ALIVE. GONE FROM EXSISTENCE. HE WAS AN AMAZING PERSON. REALLY. THE BEST PERSON I CAN EVER ASK FOR. HE WAS MY LIFE SUPPORT. THEN HE DISSAPEARED FROM MY LIFE. I WAS SO ANGRY AT HIM FOR LEAVING ME. TAKE A MINUTE AND JUST IMAGINE FEELING ONE OF THE BEST THINGS IN YOUR LIFE BEING RIPPED AWAY FROM YOU WITHIN A MATTER OF SECONDS. I WAS DEVESTATED. I WANTED TO KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I WAS DONE FOR. I WANTED TO DIE DAN. I REALLY DID. I ALWAYS DID. I ALWAYS HID MY SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AWAY WHEN I MADE VIDEOS. BUT GUESS WHAT DANIEL. I GOT OVER IT. I CHANGED. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU DAN. I CARE ABOUT YOU. I REALLY DON'T WANT TO LOOSE YOU. I CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT YOU TO SEE YOU IN THIS KIND OF PAIN. I CARE DAN. I SERIOUSLY DO." Phil was now breathing heavily with tears down his face.
Dan's face was motionless. His jaw dropped and his face went pale.
The room filled with silence for five minutes and Dan finally speaked up and asked
"S-so what made you change your mind about killing yourself then?" Phil then took a deep breath and then looking into Dan's eyes.
"You." Phil replied.
