Dan's P.O.V
I was sitting on the curb outside of the building I was in. I was crying. Why? Because I just fucking ruined my best friend's wedding. He probably hates me and wants me gone. I know he spent months working on this and now I just fucked it all up. Why couldn't I just accept that he wouldn't love me?
I began running away from where I was. Tears ran down my face. Why do I always cry? I'm always crying. God I am such a fucking dick. I hate myself. So fuking much. The fact that I am only thinking about myself on my best friend's wedding. I am such a dickhead.
I began to run onto the pavement. "DAN COME BACK." I heard someone yell at me. I turned around. It was Phil.
"I am so fucking sorry Phil. I didn't want to ruin your wedding. It's just that I love you Phil."
Phil's P.O.V
"...It's just that I love you Phil". He felt the same way. I hesitated to say something back. I was just in shock. He actually loved me. But I didn't say anything back. I was scared. It was all happening so fast. Should I say it? It was quiet for three minutes. We stayed at the same spot we were.
I saw Dan then run onto the busy street with his hands on his face. There was a car heading his way and I knew he couldn't have seen the car.
"DAN WATCH OUT FOR THE-"
Crash. Dan was pounded by the impact. He flew about ten feet back. Now laying on his back. He wasn't moving. At all. The car that hit him just went to another lane and drove away. What a fucking dickhead. I ran towards Dan. I pulled him onto the other side of the pavement. Cold. Bleeding.
"DAN, DAN, WAKE UP" I screamed into his ear. I should of said it back. I should of said that I loved him. If I did, he wouldn't have ran into the busy street.
"Why did you go? Please come back. I want you. No. I NEED you. I promise I won't make the same mistakes as I did. I promise."
No movement. No breathing. This happened two years ago, hoping that I would never have to see my friend in this condition.
I called 999 and they came after ten minutes. Even though, Dan survived death twice, I had a feeling he wasn't going to this time.
I was at the hospital, still my suit. I saw Nicole coming into the waiting room. She changed into her regular clothes.
"Phil! What happened?!? You sounded so worried when you called me!" she sat next to me and grabbing my arm.
"Dan was in a car accident" I responded back in a quiet manner.
She gasped. I looked up at her and she could tell that I was in a lot of pain. She wrapped her arms around me, and rubbed my back.
"If it's alright, can you tell me what happened?"
"Sure. After I ran out, I saw Dan running down the pavement. I yelled at him to come back. But then he said he loved me. I didn't respond because I was just happy because I loved him..." I paused and looked back her.
She didn't seemed shock that I said that I loved him. "So you aren't worried or furious that I loved Dan?" She then chuckled.
"Oh Phil. I knew it since you moved in with me years ago. You always talked about Dan and how much you hated yourself for leaving him. Before I even met you in person, the time that you introdued me through Skype. Just the way you looked at him. You looked like you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him." She reponded with a small smile.
"So you aren't mad at me?"
"I can't blame you for loving someone." She said with a grin. Nicole was great. I'm so glad she is part of my life. But hopefully only as friends.
I took a deep breath. "How come you never did anything about it if you knew how I felt about him?"
"I wanted you to work it out yourself. I wanted you to think about it more." She responded while patting my back.
After five minutes, the doctor came into the waiting room. "Phil Lester?" he said looking around the room. Nicole and I stood at the same time. "Yes doctor?"
His eyes landed on me and walked towards me. I felt so nervous. I didn't know what was happening. I was hoping Dan was still alive. I don't care if he was in coma again. I don't care if he had broken bones. I don't even care if he didn't rememebered me. I just wanted him to be safe.
The doctor took of his mouth mask and took a deep breath. Him taking off his gloves made it feel like eternity. When he finally did, I had a hard grip on Nicole's hand. I was biting my lip and my other hand was in a fist.
"Phil Lester, I am so sorry, but Dan Howell didn't make it. There was so much internal bleeding and it was too much for him to cope. Dan Howell was pronunced dead February 14, 2015 10:25pm on the hospital bed."
No. No. No. No. Really? Was this happening? Please tell me he was kidding. Please. Please. No. My face turned pale. I let go of Nicole's hand and unclenched my fist. I was just emotionless. I just can't imagine it. Dan. Dead. Gone.
A nurse then came in and came to us. "Are you Phil Lester?" I nodded in response. "Did you tell him the news?" she asked the doctor. He nodded as well.
"When we were trying to stop the bleeding, Dan actually opened his eyes and asked me to come to him. I came over and he told me to come close. I leaned down and he whispered to me ' Can you tell Phil L-lester that this was th-the most fun I ever h-had'. Those were his last words before he passed." she said to me.
Dan. His last words were wasted on me. I still remember him saying that at the end of our first Philisnotonfire video. I stood there with both my fists clenched. I then finally spoke up " What room is he in?"
"1025C" the nurse said.
I slammed the waiting door open and ran down the hospital hall. I ran as fast as I could. I glanced at each room number as I ran.
"1021C... 1023C... 1025C!" I quickly stopped and nearly slammed myself against the glass on the wall. I saw a white sheet over a body. The glass wall had a piece of paper saying 'Dan Howell'. I saw just his feet sticking out. How can this actually be happening? Please tell me this is a dream. Dan dead, with a white sheet over him on the hospital table. This felt like this seriously couldn't be happening. I slammed my fist against the glass. Tears suddenly and quickly rolling down my cheeks.
I should of told him that I loved him. I should of never hesitated. FUCKING HELL. Now I can never tell him. He will never ever know how I will feel about him. We will never see each other again. I can never see his cute smiles and grins. I could never hear that contagious laugh ever again. I could never see him crinkle his nose when he fixes his hair. I could never hold him again. He's gone.
It was supposed to be a happy ending for us. We were supposed to be married and adopt kids. We were supposed to grow old together. Smile and laugh together. We were supposed to be happy in the end.
But in reality, there are no happy endings. Just regrets and guilt.
