Deeper Connection..

-20-🦋

Toni~
When we got home from Janet's Moms house she was completely out of it. She wouldn't say anything, she just laid in the bed on her back. She starred at the ceiling for what felt like hours.

Her moms house got shot up and I can only imagine how she feels. I could tell this was already going to mess with her because she got upset when the police officer didn't acknowledge me.

I let her be in our bedroom because I didn't want to interfere with her inner thoughts. Things like this are never easy, but she's a strong woman like her mother so I know they'll both pull through. Janet being the baby of the family is a whole other story because they're the closest.

I just can't think of anyone who would do this dumb shit. Who would shoot up a very well known and respected celebrities parents house. The only person I can think of that comes to mind is one of her ex husbands. She hasn't talked to them in years though so that shouldn't be a problem. Maybe one of them is angry to see that Janet is with me, a woman.

As I sitting downstairs on my laptop catching up on work Janet walked done the stairs. She moved my laptop out of my lap and sat down. She laid her head in my lap and just cried. There was nothing that had to be said, I already knew what was going on. My baby is going through it and I don't like it at all.

"Baby?" she hummed into my thigh.

"Yes?" I responded.

"Promise you won't leave me, I need you right now." she said as the tears just rolled down her chubby cheeks.

"I'm not leaving you baby. I'll never leave you, I love you too much for that." I said kissing her forehead.

"I love you too.." she said looking up at me and pecking my lips.

"Can we go get in the bed baby, I'm tired..." she said raising up.

"I know you're tired, come on.." I said grabbing her hand and leading us upstairs.

Once we were in our room and settled, we went to sleep. She tossed and turned all night, I'm sure she was thinking about how everything went down. Just imagine it, Momma Kat sitting at home and then shots get fired. I'll have to talk to y'all in the morning because right now I can barely keep my eyes open.
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The Next Morning....
When I woke up this morning Janet was sleeping right next to me. She was cuddled up on my side sleeping like a baby. I hope she feels safe with me knowing that I'm here with her. I want her to be at ease, but I don't know what to do.

She started stirring in her sleep and then she woke up. When she woke up she just stared at the ceiling.

"I can't do this.." she said as she sighed.

"Do what baby?" I asked.

"Life, I would like to go to sleep and never wake up. Let's get up so we can go see my mother." she said as she got up to get dressed. I followed suit and got dressed so that we could go see Momma Kat.

Janet~
Knowing that my mother is in the hospital and there's nothing that I can do about it fucks me up. I can't imagine life without the one who's done nothing, but love me unconditionally.

Toni's here with me and she hasn't left me not once. To be completely honest I'm not sure what I'd do to myself if I were alone.

Maybe I'd scream and yell. Maybe I'd develop the urge to drink heavily and then go okay with knives until I make the perfect incision in my wrist. I don't know and I'm afraid to know what I'd do if I got that opportunity.