Lunar Black: A Twilight Story

Chapter 19: I'm Sorry... -Edward

(Barriers by David Archuleta. The lyrics of the song are the letter from Edward.)

Edward's POV:

Great.

I really screwed up this time. I put Bella in danger. Again.

As I stared at Bella in the passenger seat, clinging to the safety handle, I knew what I had to do.

I pressed the gas pedal even more, and before too long we were at my house. I ran in, not even bothering to open Bella's door for her. I can't look at her if I'm going to do this plan.

I know I promised, but this is different.

I ran upstairs at vampire speed, and threw come clothes of mine and stuff together into a suitcase.

After that, I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper. I scrawled quickly.

Then I placed it on the bed for Bella to see. I mumbled my plan, knowing my family could hear.

Are you crazy!? Alice bellowed in her mind.

Are you trying to kill her slowly, Edward!? Rosalie thought.

There has to be another way! Esme cried.

You're not breaking Bella's heart again! Emmett roared.

She's really confused, you really think you can explain this to her in a letter!? Jasper asked.

Son, don't do this.

"WHAT OTHER CHOICE DO I HAVE!?" I roared, kicking a chair and watching it smash out the window.

"Edward?" Bella asked, stomping her way up the stairs. I quickly zipped up the suitcase and jumped out the window. I saw my family, and pulled them with me.

"We'll get our stuff later, we need to leave a trail." I stated, and dragged them along.

It wasn't long before the cold, empty, abandoned feeling threatened to drown me again, and halfway to Canada I collapsed into my sorrow.

Bella's POV:

"WHAT OTHER CHOICE DO I HAVE!?" I heard Edward holler.

"Edward?" I asked curiously, making my way up the stairs. I heard a smash.

When I got up there, Edward wasn't there. I saw a note on the bed.

'Bella,' it read,

'Well I don't know how to say this right,
And the words got me choking,
I keep hitting this wall,
It's never gonna fall,
And we're still broken,
This mountain we've been trying to climb,
It's never ending,
Just can't do nothing, gotta do something,
Cause if we don't open up our eyes,
We're just pretending,

Well there's a time for giving up,
Didn't wanna have to say it,
All we're doing is building walls,
And now there's too many barriers,

Here we are lying here,
It's our last final goodnight,
Just because it feels so good,
No use pretending we're alright,
Too many locks (locks), too many cries (cries),
Too many tears (tears), too many lies (lies),
Too many barriers (barriers).
Oh, just too many barriers.

Now we've been draggin' this whole thing out,
But I can't wait any longer.
Our love's burnin' down,
Creepin' in the doubt, we're not gettin' any stronger.
I hear you say that we're doin' okay,
But, baby, I don't think so.
Just can't do nothin'; gotta do somethin',
'Cause if I don't get into my car,
I won't go very far.
Well, there's a time for givin' up.
Didn't wanna have to say it.
All we're doin' is building walls.
Now there's too many barriers.

Here we are, lyin' here.
It's our last final goodnight.
Just because it feels so good,
No use pretending we're alright.
Too many locks (locks), too many cries (cries),
Too many tears (tears), too many lies (lies),
Too many barriers (barriers).
Too many barriers.
Just too many barriers

That we keep running into.
Been tryin', but we just can't break through.
I know I'm gonna keep wishin' I was with you,
But we just gotta stop...

Here we are, lyin' here.
It's our last final goodnight.
Just because it feels so good,
No use pretending we're alright.
Too many locks (locks), too many cries (cries),
Too many tears (tears), too many lies (lies),
Too many lies.
In a hurry to get somewhere,
And the road's tryin' to block ya, block ya (too many barriers)
And you feel like you're nowhere,
'Cause the world's tryin' to stop ya, stop ya (too many barriers)
In a hurry to get somewhere,
And the road's tryin' to block ya, block ya (too many barriers)
And you feel like you're nowhere,
'Cause the world's tryin' to stop ya, stop ya (too many barriers)

I know I promised. But this is different. We'll leave a fake trail for Demetri when we leave.

I love you, forever. I leave my heart with you. Take care of it.

I'm sorry...

- Edward'

My heart shattered into the millions of pieces that were created when he left me the first time. I thought the glue that held the pieces together finally dried, but he just wiped the glue away.

Did he really just leave me to fend for myself with Demetri tracking me? What the crap!?

This isn't fair! I just got him back!

I'm so sick of this 'protecting me' crap. How can breaking my heart be protecting me? How can leaving myself to die by a bloodthirsty member of the vampire government be protecting me?

I can't believe he dumped me because I am a danger magnet. I thought he knew that it was going to be complicated. I thought he was willing to deal with it.

I guess I was wrong again. Just like how I believed he wouldn't leave me again.

"Ugh!" I screamed, balling up the paper and throwing it at the wall. I sat down on Edward's bed he bought when I spent the night, and stared around the room.

I tried to remember where every little thing was.

His television was pointed at a 45 degree angle to face the head of the bed so you can see it perfectly. The picture of me and him on the wall was about 3 degrees crooked. His laptop was at a 90 degree angle from the bed, perfectly straight if you say at the desk chair.

I would miss all of the little things, but thinking about the little things helped keep my mind off of the pain of losing the big things. Without meaning to, the big things shouted in my mind, begging for attention.

Alice, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, and... Edward.

Shopping trips with Alice.

Learning American History with Jasper.

Amazing stories about earlier days with the family from Esme.

Interesting facts the history book got wrong with Carlisle.

Playing pranks with Emmett.

Comparing myself to Rosalie - okay, I wouldn't miss that one that much. Rosalie knocks down anyone's self esteem just by being in the same room.

And Edward... everything. Everything about him, I would miss terribly. I needed him, and I thought he needed me.

But, as always, I was wrong.

Was all my past two years lies? Could Edward really never cared about me, I was just another heart to play with along the way of his never-ending life?

I didn't want to say yes to either of those questions, so I settled with letting my gut tell me 'probably'.

I sat there for hours, crying, epiphinating, and remembering. In that order. Over and over again.

Why does this have to happen to me?