Lover

6] I ruined Him

Taehyung's pov:

" Make this room sterilized. I want every single corner of it to be cleansed. Remove all the accessories,  nightstands and artificial flowers. I want this room clear by the time Jungkook is here. Do you get it? " I stated getting a nod from all the workers before I walked in Jungkook's favorite place. The glass room.

The sun had set bringing the moon to shine brightly upon the room. Making it look beautiful as if diamonds were spread at the back marbled floor with flower vases shining like pearls and then closing the door I walked further inside to see his books , pages , pens , highlighters and erasers spread on his table.

He was working maybe.

I unbuttoned my coat before throwing it on the couch. I opened three buttons of my shirt loosing my tie with my fingers before loaling my neck on the head of the couch.

I stared up at the ceiling feeling somethings heavy in my chest which was by the time raising up to my throat, stinging it in pain.

The room no more had that intoxicating smell of cigarettes.  Yet it smelled like Jungkook.

I sigh left my lips as soon his thought came in my mind.

He was all happy.
Smiling and laughing while talking to his readers.

Positive , loving, soft hearted.

Nothing negative consumed him. Not even a single ray of darkness touched him. He was all bright and shined like a positive vibe.

He was an angel!

That bunny smile still flashed in front of my eyes like a fresh scene. He was so happy. His beautiful eyes filled with passion , love , excitement and joy.

What a jolly person he was!

But then my eyes layed on him.
I wanted him so I got him.

And then....his smile went away.
That laughter , excitement,  joy, shine. It all went away---NO. I took it away.

I took away his happiness. I took away that jolly Jungkook.

He turned into a fallen angel.

Just because of my want.

Just because of my wish.

My stubbornness.
My heart.
My obsession!

I ruined him.

I wanted to be his lover but now I had turned into something he hated the most.

I wanted him to love me but all he did was hate me.

And in no way I was going to blame him because it was my fault.

I had thought that everything would turn right after we got married but my obsession had blinded me purely to even think of what he wanted.

I was too selfish to think of him.
What if he didn't want that marriage?
What if he didn't love me the way I did?
What if he would be ruined because of me?
What if my stubbornness would make our lives a living hell?

Only what if!! I had understood what he wanted!!

A shudder of pain ran down my spine making the back of my eyes sting strongly.

I heaved out another sigh when I felt myself get weak. When I saw Jungkook's smiling face on the ceiling in the memory of the first time I saw him, the first time I fell for someone. That too so hard that I was purely blinded.

Then suddenly the flashes of our fights started to surround my vision. Him crying while staring at the dark cloudy sky.

His pale face after we had got married. I still remebered the way he shouted at me because I wanted to take him out for dinner.

He didn't want to go out. Because he wasn't comfortable with me and rather than understanding him, rather than taking it slow, I again forced things in my way.

I tried to take him out with me when he even hated my presence to begin with.

I was just so shameless and stupid t-that I d-didn't care at all.

A deep chest hurting exhale came out of my lungs and my vision started to blur with tears.

Why was I sad about now? Why was I feeling bad now?

After all I had done to him, I didn't deserve to be sad.

But then an uncontrolled hitch escaped my trembling lips before a tear slid from my eye to the side of my cheek before another tear accompanied it and then other then the other accompanying another.

I slouched my shoulders down taking my face in my palms. And that was the moment I started to hate myself crying for the person I loved the most.

I was about to loose Jungkook.  And I couldn't even imagine myself without him.

Even though he hated me, even though he disliked talking to me.

I still loved his beautiful face. I still wanted to hear him. I still wanted to see him , love him.

My chest went heavier due to the guilt as I rubbed my wet eyes with the heels of my palm and I knew that I had messed myself due to the crying.

Only if I hadn't forced him into this marriage three years ago, he still would've enjoyed his life.

Now no one was happy. Neither me nor--- I didn't even know if he would come back to consciousness to be unhappy.

Knock knock*

A knock was heard which made me wipe my eyes fast and clean before I shouted a 'come in' and it came out more weak and broken than I had expected.

I saw Jimin , my friend and Jungkook's elder brother enter the room with a sad and apologetic face.

" Taehyung.....what are you do--are you crying? " He asked sitting beside me with a worried face.

I chuckled and sniffed lightly looking at him. " Nah bro. Why would I cry. Have you ever seen me cry? " I questioned.

He sat there quietly looking at me. His silence made me come to the edge of my emotions again.

My eyes brimmed with tears again when I heard him say " Don't you dare blame yourself,  Taehyung. "

How couldn't I?

" H-He.....He could d-die. " my voice cracked before a broken sigh left my lips.

" I- I am sorry." I weakly said as tears again rolled down my eyes.

Now all I could do was cry and wait.

Wait until Jungkook got back to me.