Man What Fatima just told me has my blood boiling! I never knew! She's always been beautiful and for a man, A DICK IN THE BOOTY ASS MF to tilt my Queen's crown, that shit pisses me off in the worst way! His ass better be glad he's dead, cause I would dig his ass up and kill him again! I'm just shocked I never knew! Figuring out Trauma has always been my thing! I could spot it without even trying! She hid her's too well and I can see the pain in her soul! She's hurting and still decided to give a nigga a try! I know I don't deserve her and I'm selfish as hell when it comes to her! She gave me the pussy and let's just say I'm hooked cause that shit is PURE COCAINE! Fatima has always been my ride or die! If I shot a nigga she reloaded for me! She never questioned my methods of living!
When we met I was deep in the streets, so deep that I didn't know that my mom was constantly getting her ass beat by that DOG ASS NIGGA she was dating! I missed all the signs then and I'm missing them again when it comes to Fatima! I just love that girl man! I need to do right for her and I definitely can't afford to be losing the love of my life! Hell yeah I said it! The pain we both experienced runs deep, REAL DEEP! I wish I could take all her pain away but I can't! I'm tired ASF! I'm tired of hurting and I'm definitely tired of running away from the woman who can calm the messiest storm! She's EVERYTHING TO ME! I know I haven't been treating her that way but shit I had to do some thinking and I'm still soul searching! I never wanted to go back to Belinda! I just pushed Fatima away because she could really retire a NIGGA! I didn't know if I was ready for that shit yet! I do know I'm ready NOW! We have a long road ahead of us but I'm a patient man!
While eating, I just watched her interaction with Cami! She's a great mother and I know she'll be an even better wife! I know me talking about marriage is premature asf but I need to let her know I'm serious asf about being with her and Cami! I need to man up and finish building my family! I can't keep running FOREVER! Cami loves T just as much as I do if not more! They're really attached at the hip the same way we used to be! She's so hypnotizing fr! I see how she keeps looking up at me! She's waiting on me to say something but I can't form the words to express how I'm so sorry I wasn't there for her! To find out that she got her ass beat because of me is another thing I can't shake! I always knew Ian was a bitch! I just never knew he was capable of hurting her in this way! He really damaged her but I'll never see her as damaged goods! She's a fighter and no matter how hard it was, she did that shit for 4 fucking years!
I know she didn't tell me because she knew I would kill the nigga and spit on his mf grave! I can't let this shit go over my head! He hurt my baby! Raped her and god knows what other pains he inflicted on her in the bedroom! I know she wanted to be saved and I'm mad asf that I didn't save her, well in a way I did! You see Ian wanted to be a dope boy so bad! The product he was supposed to sale he started smoking that shit! This made our money and supply short and the Don back then wasn't playing that shit! He wanted me to kill Ian personally but I knew it would hurt Fatima, so I gave him a lethal dose of drugs! I knew he would try the product before he sold it! When he did, he Overdosed! I supported Fatima at his funeral but I could tell she was hurt by the situation! That's when I knew I needed to help her start over! She needed a better life! I helped her continue studying and make up any materials she wasn't able to take when she was out! She passed everything with flying colors and now she's a nurse!
Fatima, "Zac you've been in deep thought this whole time and barely touched your food!"
"I don't have much of an appetite! I just wanted to make sure you and lil mama ate!"
Fatima, "Well we did but you didn't engage in none of the conversations we held! You just kept staring at me! I didn't know if it was because of what I said or something else!"
"I'm fine T but I do think we need to go to Therapy! Separate first and then the last few sessions we can go together!"
Fatima, "That's actually a good idea! We can do that!"
"I do have a question though!"
Fatima, "I may have an answer depending on what you ask me!"
"Can I still touch you while we are healing?"
Fatima, "Zac you can touch me! I just don't want to have sex if your heart isn't in this relationship!"
"Will you sleep with someone else?"
Fatima, "I can't answer that! Technically we aren't together but I can promise you I won't disrespect our house!"
"What if we both agree not to sleep with other people?"
Fatima, "Now that I can do! As long as you keep your word!"
