I woke up the next morning over the toilet! Throwing my whole life up! At this point I done got used to this shit! I must have a weak stomach or something cause I can't keep a damn thing down unless it's in the form of broth! I showered, brushed my teeth and started writing out my affirmations!
I am ENOUGH!
I am AMAZING!
I am SMART and EDUCATED!
I will BE EVERYTHING I SET OUT TO BE!
My DREAMS will COME TRUE!
I will BREAK GENERATIONAL CURSES!
I am a PHENOMENAL WOMAN!
I am not BATTERED, BROKEN, or SCORNED!
TRAUMA does not DEFINE ME!
I am STRONG and POWERFUL!
I placed them on the my mirror in my room and spoke life into myself! After talking to Zac last night I did feel a little better! It feels good to choose me! I never want to LOSE Fatima ever again! I warmed up me some broth and drunk it before leaving to head to my therapy session! When I got to my session, I said a small prayer and walked into the building!
Receptionist, "Good Morning Ms. Wilson! Dr. James is waiting for you!"
"Good Morning! Thank You!"
Dr. James, "Good Morning Ms. Wilson! I am ready when you are! You can just pick up where you left off!"
"As I was saying in our last visit, I just felt like the odds were stacked against me! I was pregnant twice by this man and each time, he beat both of my babies out of me! After he finished, he spit on me and told me to drive myself to the ER because he had somewhere else to be! Then he told me to be back by the time he got back like I could control the wait time at the hospital! It was bad! Extremely bad! I can never really recall a time where it was real good! He didn't value me! He hit me because I was an inconvenience to him as he called me! He said I didn't work! I was a good for nothing whore and nobody loved me and I would never be saved! I cried myself to sleep many nights because I couldn't see straight! One time I thought I had a damn head injury because he stomped me so damn bad! All the fight I had left in me, it was like he snatch it from under me! According to him, I was worthless, ran through and scum at the bottom of a barrel! He loved me more with his fists than anything else! I couldn't remember my days from nights! Barely went outside because most times I looked unrecognizable! I let him whoop my ass, degrade me and tell me I meant nothing to no one! I knew I deserved better! I just couldn't muster up enough courage to leave!"
Dr. James, "When you look in the mirror today what do you see?"
"I see a woman who was discarded, used and abused but still managed to fight!"
Dr. James, "Do you know what that tells me Fatima?"
"What?"
Dr. James, "That you took your power back! You are courageous! You are more than enough and in the end you came out victorious! For your homework tonight I want you stand in the mirror and embrace all your battle scars! See the power and fight you have in you! Embrace being a warrior! I'll see you tomorrow at the same time!"
When I left out the office, I felt even better than I did my last visit! I decided to go to the park and write in my journal!
Zac's POV
Getting Cami off to daycare this morning was rough! I really think she misses Fatima or something because she threw the worst fit this morning! Kicking and screaming! When I got her to the daycare she was still having a tantrum and Mrs. Denise settled her down for now but T may have to go up there! I'm headed to my therapy appointment and I'm feeling pretty positive!
Receptionist, "Hello Mr. Taylor! Dr. James is waiting for you!"
"Thank You!"
Dr. James, "Hello Mr. Taylor, How are you?"
"I am fine! How are you?"
Dr. James, "I'm good! This session will focus on you forgiving your past self and the trauma revolving around Big Mama! I'm ready when you are!"
"Dear Za,
What happened to you was definitely not your fault! Big Mama took advantage of your weakness and used you for her own personal gain! Forgive yourself for the trauma she inflicted on you! She took your innocence away and it wasn't your fault! You were just a kid and didn't deserve none of it! The things she did to you, placed you in a dark place but you pulled yourself out! You are destined for greatness and you will overcome all the obstacles placed in your way! Never give up or in Greater is definitely coming!"
Dr. James, "Now close your eyes and tell me how the young man you wrote this too feels!"
"He's still scared! He's scared that he'll inflict the same pain onto Fatima that he has already experienced!"
Dr. James, "Why is he scared?"
"Because sex became a necessity and he sees Fatima as much more than an easy fuck!"
Dr. James, "So he values Fatima's mind, body, and soul?"
"Yes! He knows that her body is a temple and for her to give it to him, she values him as well!"
Dr. James, "Open your eyes Zachary! Now breathe!"
"Wow! I didn't know I had that in me! I've never looked at it from that perspective!"
Dr. James, "That's what I'm here for! Now your homework is to write down in detail, the pain you've experienced! You don't have to share it with me if you don't want to but it's a necessary part of your healing! I'll see you tomorrow at the same time!"
