Recipe for Love

Chapter 32

Charles

"Fuck!"

That was the first thing I heard when I woke up. I didn't want to open my eyes. My stomach and head ached, I could feel a familiar aftertaste on my tongue, and a foul smell wafted through the air. "Charles! Fuck! Wake up!" Joris shouted, shaking my shoulder tightly. I grunted in disapproval, which was enough to make him sigh in relief. "You're alive! Fine, at least I can kill you myself," he growled and started shaking me again.
"What time is it?" I gasped.
"Almost two. PM."
I snapped my eyes open and howled again as the bright afternoon sun dazzled me. I wanted to sit up, but I was so sick that I fell back onto the bed. "I overslept the practice," I realized with horror and looked at Joris. Almost everything was reflected in his eyes. Disappointment, revulsion, disgust, fear.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, closing my eyes again because I couldn't stand his gaze. "Ollie will be driving in your place for the rest of the weekend. I told them you are sick and throwing up but it's not serious enough to need a doctor. I said I'd take care of you," Jo said.
"Thank you," I sputtered and finally sat down on the second try. I looked around me. There was an empty bottle of vodka on the table, and then I focused on the white-covered hotel pillow that had a disgusting yellowish stain on it. That would explain the foul stench.
"At least you didn't choke," Jo remarked cynically, standing up to hand me a glass of water and an acylpyrine.
"I'm sorry," I said unhappily, but he just shrugged. "Does anyone know what's up with Anna?"
Joris looked at me with such hatred that I wanted to evaporate on the spot. "If you weren't an idiot and came to the paddock this morning, you'd know that Lewis called the hospital."
"AND?"
"She has a few bruises and will be allowed home tomorrow. But she's unhappy and will be even more so when she finds out what you've done."
I buried my face in my hands and felt the tears fall from my eyes again. I'm worthless. I let everyone down. I let down the team, my family, Joris and Anna. And I disappointed myself the most. I thought I was getting better, that I was finally getting my act together, but...

After a long cold shower, I went back to the room and got rid of the dirty sheets. Joris sat in the chair and didn't even look at me. "Jo..." I started but he shook his head.
"I don't want to talk to you."
"Okay. But I want to tell you that I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to..." He held up his index finger to keep me quiet and I obeyed him.
"One more word and I'll go see Fred. And I'll tell him what really happened," he threatened. I nodded and we didn't speak to each other until the evening. I watched qualifying closely and both Lewis and Ollie did poorly. 10th and 12th place. It is possible that we will end up without points in tomorrow's race and I had no doubt that it would also be my fault.

On Sunday morning I finally decided to call Anna. She picked it up almost immediately.
"Why is there some Bearman driving instead of you?" she shouted at me instead of greeting me.
"How are you?" I ignored her.
"I'm fine. What the hell happened?" she didn't give up.
"Nothing, I just...I didn't feel well," I mumbled.
"Charles!" she growled and I knew I wasn't going to avoid it anyway, so I told her all my previous futile struggles with alcohol up until yesterday. And that made me cry again. God, I'm so pathetic.