⁺◦ 𝔥𝔬𝔱 | 𝘀𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀 .

↳ 𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐨 .

none of it seems real—from the tear streaks that dampen chan's face to the doctor's diagnosis. all of it feels like one huge, inescapable nightmare. no, worse than a nightmare because there's an end to those as soon as you pop your eyes open.

this is torture.

"it'll be okay," mrs. lee, chan's mom, says.

it's unclear who her words are directed towards. between her injured son and his heartbroken friend, the words really are falling on deaf ears.

"no, no, no." you repeat the word so much that it sounds like a chant.

your voice sounds weak, almost as though you're not sure it's your own. after you grow tired of hearing it leave your lips, you clap your hands over your mouth.

i did this. this is all my fault. chan would've been fine if i didn't agree to running that stupid combo one more time.

loud footsteps are the only thing that you seem to hear for the next fifty seconds. when you look up, to try to get a grip on reality, you're met by a beautiful sunrise that looks unreal.

the orange and pink colors merge together in the sky, but they're not nearly as bright as the rising sun. rising inch by inch in the sky, the sun seems to be doing a better job than functioning than you are right now.

"hey, doc, am i good to go? i feel perfectly fine. so, i should be dancing in no time, shouldn't i?" chan's voice bounces in your mind, reminding you of just how hopeful he was before the doctor stole his hope from him.

you remember watching chan cross his fingers. he was practically praying that he would make a swift return to the studio.

his hopes came crashing down the moment that the doctor parted his lips to read chan's diagnosis aloud. "he tore his acl. he'll need surgery. then, he'll have to go through a rehabilitation period."

chan was silent for a moment, just long enough to let the doctor make it out of the room. then, and only then, did he start wailing.

you'd thought you heard the worst cry of agony from him when he got injured, but today proved that you were wrong. you were so utterly wrong. now, you have a whole new nightmare to haunt you every night that you try to fall asleep.

"(y/n)," you snap out of your daze once you hear a voice that's awfully similar to chan's.

you blink, trying hard to stop any more tears from slipping through your eyes. looking at him, you can barely hold yourself together.

"i'll give you two some privacy." ms. chan says very softly.

"this isn't your fault, (y/n)." these are the first give words that chan utters to you after hearing the terrible news.

he should be focused on his upcoming surgery, but he's worried about you.

"yes, it is. i knew that you were tired, but i didn't say anything when you insisted on running the combo again." you say tearfully, not completely certain if you can continue. "i did this to you, chan, and i'm so sorry."

"no, you didn't do this to me." chan tries to reassure you, but you just keep feeling so helpless. you look at him, as he shifts the crutches underneath his arms. you can't help but wonder how long he'll have to rely on those just to get around.

"my knee has been bothering me for weeks, (y/n)." chan says to you.

"no," your voice falls out, tiny and insignificant.

"i was in pain, but i did my best to hide it. i couldn't expect you to know what was really going on with me." chan tries to laugh, but the sound doesn't sound genuine.

"how could i not know, lee chan?!" you scream at him.

in the front of the hospital, you let the tears that you've been holding back drown you. you let the overwhelming guilt that you feel only push you further down whenever chan tries to approach you.

every time he moves forward, you move backward. you can't even bother to see where you're going, but why would you need to? you take one more step, but there's no ground to support your foot.

he's there, though. he's abandoned his crutches, thrown them to the ground at once. he catches you almost effortlessly. he saves you from yourself all over again, but he can't seem to bite back the enormous amount of pain that he's feeling now that he's putting weight on his knee.

"ahhh!" chan screams, and you start calling for his mother.

"mrs. lee! chan needs help!" you scream, panicked.

she drops to the ground to retrieve the crutches. she does so at once, then she slides them underneath chan's arms.

"i have to go." you admit.

you can't possibly stay here any longer.

"no, (y/n), don't go." chan gets these words out, but he's breathing so hard. he's almost breathless. "i'm fine, i swear."

you shake your head, not for your benefit but for his.

there was a car coming when i stepped off the curb. i could've got hit, but chan didn't let that happen. he's always saving me, but i can't even bother to notice when he's in pain.

how could i not know that my best friend was in pain?