He hadn’t answered the door. But I was going to find out ALL that this little prick said if it kills me. I need to know all of it, so I know what to tell Noah so that he doesn’t open his fat mouth to everyone. He’s a man gossiper. Back to our situation, though. My plan had been to whisper, acting like I’m Molly, get the door open, and start hitting him until he told me. Obviously, that just wasn’t going to happen. So instead, I went downstairs to plot. Which meant to eat my pizza and watch Family Guy in peace. Then I heard that damn chipmunk on our roof. Those things aren’t supposed to be nocturnal, but I swear, this one is on drugs. He’s out there every single night, stealing our stuff.
I huffed and groaned, then got up to begin walking outside in my pajamas and fuzzy slippers. The stupid chipmunk, Andrew(I named him after Andy, because they both loved annoying me) was on the freaking roof! The damn roof! And he was cracking his nuts right above my bedroom!
“To hell with this!.” I said. But I realized no one could hear me.
I wanted this thing to quit bugging me, so you know what I did? Nope. Wrong answer. Just kidding, I don’t know whether you’re wrong or right. I placed my foot on the viney part of the flower trellis. Yes, people actually still have those. But don’t worry, I won’t bore you with that. This thing was pretty sturdy. I’ve used it many times to sneak out, so there’s no worry that this will end cliche and I’ll fall with mystery man there to catch me. Cause that’s not happening,
Right as I got around the top of the trellis, that damn chipmunk named Andrew, looked at me with his beady little eyes, and I swear he flipped me off. But, I guess that might not be completely accurate, because I couldn’t see fully. You wanna know why I couldn’t see fully? Cause the stupid little thing spotted me and ran off like a puma! He hopped onto a tree, and up to the-
“Ahhhh!” I screamed. No, before you ask, the trellis did NOT break. Me, being the stupid clumsy person I am, was only holding on with one hand, so as I was thinking about the chipmunk, I started to climb. That obviously didn’t turn out, as I only had one hand. Thank goodness my foot was stuck, or I would be dead. Instead, I was hanging upside down by my feet, with my hair almost touching the dirty ground. I was about 2 feet away from it. Just then, I heard a window open.
I should have just let myself fall, I thought. This was going to be SOOO embarrasing if it’s the hot neighbor.
No, it was worse. It was Andrew’s partner in crime. The stupid chipmunk must’ve sent his buddy. There was another on the roof again!!! Then, when I thought the stupid thing would end up eating me in the end, Andy climbed out his window. FML. That’s it. I’m soooo done with life.
“Looks like you’re in a bit of a bind.” he began. Fantastic. He’s gonna start the corny jokes now. What’s next? Just hangin by a moment?
“Just hangin’ by a moment, are we?” he asked. Saw that coming, I thought with a sour face.
“I’m not going to talk to you, if you don’t shut the hell up and help me before someone sees me, or the blood rushes to my head anymore.”
“By that time, you won’t be able to talk to me. You’ll be in the emergency room, Love.”
“Hardy har har. Looks who’s a smart ass. Just please help me. I’ll cook for 2 months, okay?” I was starting to get all dizzy. Well, more dizzy anyway. Then as I was feeling ready to pass out, he finally found a way to get me while on the roof. Don’t ask me exactly how he did it, because everything is fuzzy to me from all the blood, but however he did is fine with me, because no one saw me, so they can’t make fun of me, and I’m alive. When we got up to the windows, he carried me in.
I attempted to stand up, but still wasn’t thinking clearly.So I fell. On my face.
“Shit.” I cursed. Andy just kept laughing at me.
“Keep it down, you wouldn’t want Noah or Molly thinking that we’re doing lucky things, now would you?” he chuckled. When I was able to, I pulled myself up, and while he was laughing, I took the pleasure to kick him right in the shin. Take that! I thought with a smirk of my own.
“What was that for?” he said in an incredulous tone, with wide eyes.
“Oh, don’t you what was that for me!” I said in a loud whisper. “You told Noah those things, you laughed when I was losing the ability to stay awake when I almost fainted, and you just watched me fall on my face! And I kind of just wanted to. As a matter of fact, I still want to!” So, I did. I kept throwing hits, and kicks and all the other fun stuff at him. “This is what you get for being such an asshole when I’m half asleep! If I was all the way awake, you would be beat so bad you couldn’t walk!” I whispered loudly again.
“If you were all the way awake, you wouldn’t have fallen, and been in this situation.” he said jokingly, while dodging my attempts. That’s it. I took an aim right for his honker. That stupid nose will look better if it’s broken. He caught my hand, and pinned me because I was starting to get more accurate aim.
It took a moment, but then I calmed down. Well, mostly. But I was still ready to brawl.
“Feeling any nicer yet, Love?” he laughed. He wasn't even hurt at all! Damn your accent, I thought. And your looks, and your ability to dodge my hits!
“Yes,” I whispered looking down. “Sorry.” I yawned mildly. I.Was.So.Tired. But I looked up when I said sorry. My apology was sincere. I probably shouldn’t have just went off on my sleep deprived boxing match, even though it was fun and I wanted to.
Why did I have to look up? His eyes were a storming grey. They looked like Andy Biersack’s eyes in the video for Coffin. They were gorgeous. And I, being the sucker I am, was mesmorized. Oh shit, here we go again.
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