Light Me Up [HS AU]

10

I woke with a pounding in my head and my mouth was the driest it had ever been. I groaned as I slid out of bed and almost crawled into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet over the sink. I located the painkillers and popped them in my mouth, as I emptied the cup holding mine and Ethan's toothbrush, rinsed it out and filled it with water. I chucked the pills down with the cold water and emptied the cup in one go. Then I looked at myself in the mirror and shook my head at my own state. I was still wearing most of my makeup from the night before, my eyes were red and my face was pale. I had dark circles around my eyes and my hair was a mess. I had no idea what time it was or whether I even had my phone anywhere in the apartment. When I stumbled through the door in the middle of the night, I had only slipped my black dress off and crashed on the bed in my underwear without brushing my teeth or washing my face. I scrunched my nose at my own reflection and grabbed my toothbrush, squeezing a dollop of toothpaste out on the brittles. 

The steam from the shower I ran was swirling around in the room, fogging up the mirror. I slipped out of my underwear and stepped in under the warm water, letting it run down my face and body for a while, before I lathered shampoo in my hair and washed my body in my favourite body wash. It had been a weird night out, but there were parts I remembered as being quite funny. They mostly involved Niall, who had been doing his very best to entertain me after Ethan left the restaurant. Calling Ethan to hear how his writing process was going would be next on my agenda. But for a while I just wanted to stay under the warm water and let it run down over my face until I felt like myself again. 

I was hit by the first flashback in the shower. Harry's eyes and the small smile on his face when I had blurted out that his eyes were beautiful. I cursed myself under my breath. "Goddammit Peyton..." I grumbled and wished I could have rewound time and kept my mouth shut. Fortunately everyone was pretty drunk, so I was sure he didn't remember it. And I could always just deny having said it at all. 

After my shower I texted Ethan to ask if he was available to talk. He read my message almost immediately, but didn't answer at first. My instinct was to worry; why wasn't he replying? Was he upset with me? Had I done something inappropriate? Was he punishing me? Growing up with my mom and her mood swings I had grown accustomed to being alert, always expecting that I was the root of all conflicts. No one could make me feel as guilty as she could and somehow it had followed me into adulthood, reflecting onto romantic relationships. My nerves were raw when I heard my phone vibrate next to me on the kitchen counter. For a split second I was relieved expecting it to finally be Ethan, but when I checked the screen, caller-ID revealed that it was Morgan. 

"Hey," I said when I picked up the phone. 

There was a small pause, before she cleared her throat on the other end. "Hey P, how are you?" She sounded tired and a little hoarse. 

"I've been better," I chuckled. "How are you?" 

She sighed and let out a small hum. "I'm not sure. A little hungover, tired and... It was a rough night. I haven't slept much. But Harry needed me, even if he would never admit it."