STRINGS // KATSUKI BAKUGO [2]

Chapter 41 // Hide

Your mother's funeral was short, small. It took place only a few hours after those who were still hospitalized got discharged.

Your mother had always wanted to be buried, not cremated, so Aizawa recovered her ashes from beneath your house and allowed them to be put into an urn, which was stored in a small casket.

As you watched the wooden box be lowered into the ground, raindrops pelting the polished surface, you glanced over at those who chose to attend the gathering.

Your entire class showed up along with Aizawa, of course, and Present Mic. All Might made an appearance. Even Seijin showed up after having begged his mother to come support you.

Your father didn't show due to him being in the mental institution. Although, you weren't sure he'd even want to be present. He had already witnessed your mother dying in front of his eyes. You didn't know if he could handle a funeral.

Shinso came as well. However, he didn't make an attempt to speak to you. He simply stood by his parents as your mother's ashes were buried.

The dirt being thrown over the casket signified the end of the service, and everyone immediately began to pivot, slowly dispersing to form small groups they could easily start conversation within.

You stood at the edge of the grave, eyes unblinking, staring down at your mother's coffin, which was disappearing more and more with each scoop of dirt.

"[Y/N]."

It was Shinso.

You could see, in your peripheral vision, the boy moving to stand beside you, arms folded over his stomach as he stared down at your mother's grave.

"I know I have no right to ask this right now considering the circumstances," he began, and you knew what was coming, but you didn't intervene, "but why," he lowered his voice, "did you kiss me and then skip town?"

You knew this was coming. You just didn't think you'd have to face the question at your mother's funeral. Then again, a week ago, you didn't think there would be a funeral.

If you didn't tell him, the point would come where he did find out whether it be through someone else or the letter he was bound to end up reading. If he had to know, which he deserved to, you'd rather him figure out from you.

"I thought I owed you," you admitted, brushing your damp hair out of your face. "I know it was probably selfish to take advantage of your feelings for me just to make myself feel better about leaving, but I think I deserve to be selfish for once."

"Leaving?" Shinso questioned. "You skipping town, that was planned?"

"No," you said. "That wasn't the "leaving" I was taking about."

"You're really confusing me lately," Shinso scoffed, but it sounded more motivated by stress rather than annoyance.

"Sorry," you apologized. "The whole inevitable death thing has really taken a toll on me."

"What?"

Well, that's one way to let it slip.

You turned to face Shinso, who you felt deserved for you to have the decency to face him for the conversation that was about to come.

"I'm dying, Shinso," you began softly, and you thought the topic would be somewhat easier to talk about considering you've had this conversation multiple times by now. However, the heartbroken look that appeared on your best friend's face only made it harder.

"That tumor I told you about," you continued, "it wasn't just a tumor. It caused cognitive brain failure. I'm forgetting things, people, functions. It's not terrible right now. I'm just...forgetful. I have trouble remembering rooms, and, sometimes, I can't put names to faces, but, one day, no matter how careful I am, I'll forget how to breathe, and then I'm dead."

"Y-you," Shinso stuttered, eyes blown wide as his hands came up to grasp your biceps. "You said you were fine. You said you were okay!"

"Shinso, calm down," you hissed, glancing around to see if his rightful outburst had alerted anyone. "Only Aizawa and Todoroki know. You have to keep quiet."

"How am I supposed clam down when my best friend just told me she's going to die?" he snapped, nose scrunching as his eyes began to pool with tears. "Why would you lie to me? You said you were okay."

"I am okay," you assured. "My body may not be, but I'm fine. I've accomplished what I've wanted. I've lived my dreams. I got to be a hero, save people. That's all I've ever wanted."

"So you're just gonna give up?" he questioned, scoffing through his tears, which was eventually followed up by a choked sob.

"Shinso," you said his name gently, as if it was a crime to do so, "my brain is deteriorating. There's no giving up. There's just living with it. It's unavoidable. I will die."

"But you can make it longer," he argued. "Putting yourself in the field, being a hero, that's how you got here in the first place, right? Stop then. Go back to General Stuides or something. That'll buy you more time."

"Shinso," you tried again, wiping a mixture of rain and tears off his cheeks with your thumbs, "it may buy me time, but it won't stop anything, and I'm not going to throw away all I've worked for just so I can suffer in silence more."

"But," he cut himself off with a small whine, sniffing, "you can't die. You can't."

"I will," you said, hands moving to rest firmly on his shoulders, "and I know it's hard, and I know it hurts, but you have to accept it. The sooner you do, the easier it will be."

"It's never going to be easy," he hissed. "How the hell am I supposed to take you dying easy?"

"I never said it'd be easy," you countered. "I said it'd be easier. You think this is easy for me? I have been suffering in silence for months just because I don't want to break dozens of heart. I have a job to do, a mission to complete, so, please, Shinso, I'm asking you to suffer in silence with me and not tell anyone."

"But—"

"Shinso," you interrupted voice cracking, "please."

The boy stared at you, searching your eyes for some sign, a sign that you weren't okay with this, and you were actually begging him to tell someone, but he didn't find such a feeling because it didn't exist.

As he inhaled deeply, blinking away the rest of his tears, he silently nodded in acceptance.

"[Y/N]," he began, and you hummed quietly. "You didn't owe me anything. You don't owe me anything."

"Felt like it," you replied. "Feels like it."

"Well, you don't," he stated, lips falling into a frown, "so never kiss me again. It didn't help. It just made me more confused. It may have been something I wanted a year ago, but not anymore, not when the entire world knows you're in love with someone else, and that's fine. I'm over it. I'm glad we're best friends, so don't do something like that again."

A few weeks ago, you didn't regret what you did. Now, hearing Shinso's thoughts on the situation, you regretted only ever thinking about you, what you were feeling, how you'd benefit.

Shinso stepped forward to give you a hug, which you were too deep in thought and weak to reciprocate, which only resulted in him pulling away quicker.

"I'll see you later," he said, shoving his hands in the pockets of his pants, "okay?"

You simply hummed with a firm nod before watching as Shinso walked away to rejoin in his parents.

You looked down at your mother grave, the dirt covering her casket now neatly padded down.

You were glad it was raining during your mother's funeral, so no one could see the tears you were trying so desperately to hide.

[EDITED]