Last night Roger was more angrier than I'd ever seen before, he had hit me loads of times, he'd thrown me against a wall, used me 3 times, once when I was pushed up against the desk, another when he had slapped me and pushed me onto the bed and another in the shower when i was trying to get all the blood off of my body that he had put there.
He had gotten suspicious of me talking to Marjorie as he had knew I was not on my period - I had just had it - and he screamed at me saying that if I continued talking to people about our relationship he would do much worse, he said that this is what love was like, this is what it is supposed to be! But it still made me wonder is this what love is supposed to be? Toxic and controlling? Or is this just manipulation.
The next day I woke up sore and beaten, my wrist had been injured it was swollen and bruised, I had a sore back, and in between by legs were sore too, every where was sore I didn't want to go to work but I knew I would be in trouble again tonight if I didn't and I couldn't handle that again.
I had cried so much that I was tired both mentally and physically, as I got dressed I couldn't help but look at myself in the mirror, how did I become so sensitive? So vulnerable? I had become more protective over the place in between my legs, well I tried to be but I failed every time, roger used me, roger loved me, right?
I didn't know, as he drove me to work I felt his hand grip my thigh roughly and remind me that I must only talk about work, and I nodded reassuring him that what we had was love, this is what love is supposed to be and I wouldn't doubt it anymore, but deep down I still doubted it.
Does Reece and winter treat Marjorie and autumn the way roger treats me, or is he just manipulating me to think this is what all men do, the way the two couples acted towards each other were not like they did, except i was in love, I was in love with a lie, that our relationship was perfect and filled with love and care it was not, it was the opposite.
No matter how many times he hurt me and used me I still found myself loving him, I hated it, I wanted to hate him but I couldn't, I've never really hated anyone I just act cold to protect myself, but it was different with roger, I didn't know how but as soon as I saw him I fell in love.
I walked into Marjorie's office and said that I needed to do a spot check, my cold demeanour was back up, and I wasn't going to change it, I couldn't deal with a repeat of last night, I had to act my part and then maybe everything would be okay, he would love me again.
I asked to use autumn's computer as she was out sick anyway and all she did was look at me curiosity and nod, I tried to keep my focus on the pc in front of me but I found that I couldn't, all I kept thinking about was Roger and how he had hurt me.
How he abused me, was it abuse? I don't know, it was honestly quite frustrating not knowing if what he was doing was normal, Marjorie said it was not but I trusted roger more, I didn't know why, I think it's because Marjorie hates me where as roger loves me.
I was cut out of my thoughts by my phone going off, I reached into my pocket with my un-sore hand and answered it - it was him - I tried to act as calm as possible so he wouldn't know I was in the office with Marjorie.
He asked me where I was and I lied saying that I was just walking around the nursery, he would most probably kill me if I was with the woman that I was talking to yesterday, he told me that I mustn't talk to Marjorie again or go near her.
But I needed to my work and the only place I could do it was here, I tried to breathe as he started raging about everyone here was annoying him, the fact that his children acted cold around him - I wonder why - I thought.
I tried to reassure him but he only got angrier and asked me if I was disobeying him, or anger him more I tried to deny but I only got cut off more so I leaned back in autumn's chair and squeezed my eyes tightly as I continued to hear him rant.
When he stopped I spoke again I lied and said that reece needed to talk to me about the nursery and that I would call him back as soon as possible, he growled but accepted it, I had never put the phone down quicker, I rubbed at my wrist that was in pain and I looked around the room to see Marjorie looking at me with a raised brow - shit I forgot she was here.
