Am I not enough? Was I not enough for her? I loved her, I loved her with my whole heart, and she left without a second thought with how I would feel. Why does no one care for me? I want to feel loved, I want to feel cared for, but working here makes me feel everything but loved, I just want someone to love me is that too much to ask for? How many more years do I have to go on like this? Pretending I'm okay just for the sake of others, just for the sake of my friends and my children.
No one ever notices me anymore, It's like I'm invisible, my days are filled with fake smiles and little white lies of me saying I'm okay when I'm truly not, when is it my time to get loved and noticed? when will it be my time for someone to hug me and say I know your not okay, I am slowly dying inside and no one is noticing, no one cares enough too, I work so hard every day to please my manager, to feed my kids and my husband that doesn't even love me anymore but he still stays because I am the one who brings in the money.
I finally had someone that noticed me and she left, she said I was too sensitive, too boring, too annoying, how did it switch up so quickly, she used to say that she loved me, that she cared for me, that I was beautiful inside and out, that I would never be annoying, was all of them words just little white lies like I used to once say, everything was changing in my life, I became dull and numb over time, I never talked to anyone at work anymore, never tried hard, just done my job and went to the bar.
I always went to the bar nowadays, I never understood why my husband used to like it so much, its because when you drink all your problems go away, all your thoughts vanish as well as your feelings, you don't care about what other people think, when your drunk your happy, and that was all I needed, Its all I wanted to feel, without alochol I was simply just an emotionless doll, I hated it but I couldn't change it, I didn't know how to and I hate asking for help but now that I finally found a way to be happy I didn't need to ask for help.
My days became long and tiring, Marjorie always giving me the longest shifts, I didn't understand why, I was the only one here that had a husband and kids apart from sorscha she had a wife and a child on the way but she never got the longest shifts, I don't know why maybe its because nobody truly cares anymore, mia's gone, mia had left me, the only happiness I had in my life just vanished like that and now I was left alone like usual.
My husband grew tired of my late night bar sessions and came to pick me up, I shook my head and told him that I was going to the bar, that I will never ever spend a full evening in that house again not with him there, he asked for a divorce and all I did was nod and throw my ring at him, I had became addicted to drinking, It was one thing that got rid of all my problems so how couldn't I not get addicted to it.
It all changed when my two managers autumn and marjorie had came to the bar that I always went too, I didn't care at the time though, I was drunk out of my mind why would I? They soon noticed me sat alone drinking away all my problems, shooting back shots without a care in the world, the stinging sensation at the back of my throat got addictive and I just asked for a bottle and threw money at the bartender, they knew I was one of their loyal customers so they just gave it to me anyway.
Autumn and marjorie sat next to me, a small smile on Marjorie's lips while autumn lips were in a straight line, I looked at them confused. "What are you two doing here?" I spoke, stumbling over my words. Autumn looked at me with a raised brow while the other looked at me concerned."How much have you had to drink." Marjorie asked, and all I did was shrug my shoulder before opening the cap off of the alochol bottle and downing half it in one go.
They both were looking at me shocked that I could drink that much without gagging nor wincing at the stinging sensation that you would feel at the back of your throat but I found the sensation pleasuring, they didn't need to know that did they? I didn't know what I was saying or doing at that point I was drunk out of my mind, all I know is that when I woke up I was not in my own bed, aand my head hurt, I think that I had drunk more than usual but my problms were getting more and more intense each day.
