Love is not real, its just a word. I don't belive in love, how could I? was what roger done to me love? or was it manipulation and control? was it abusive? was he abusive? Deep down I knew it was, I wanted to believe in love, that what he had done to me was love but it was getting harder and harder to believe that as time went on.
The way reece acted towards marjorie, was nothing like the way roger acted towards me, reece was so loving, he was caring, he was careful and gentle, roger was cold, he was rough, he had hurt me in so many diffrent ways, too many to count, Too many to remember but the truth was I did remember, I remember his hands on my body forcing me to take whatever he wanted to do.
His apologies became less frequent after he hurt me and nowadays he didn't even apologise any more, he said I deserved it, I deserved everything that came to me, everything he did to me, I deserved, but did i? I'm starting to believe it, maybe I do deserve this, this pain and torture, maybe I did deserve what he done to me.
This is why love is not real to me, for me love is just a word men say to make them feel better after they hurt you, 'I love you' is just a sentence, they don't mean it, its so they can gain control, its so you stay with them because you believe they love you, I wanted him to love me but he doesn't. I do not deserved too be loved, is what he said.
And maybe he is telling the truth, after all who could ever love me, siobhan serpent, the old manager that was described as vile, rude and mean, the old manager that everyone hated, I, siobhan serpent, am hated by every living breathing person because of who I am, because of my past, if I could turn back time and stop myself from saying those horrible things to people would.
But I am siobhan serpent, In a relationship with roger, who does not love me but controls me, I am siobhan serpent, who does not apologise, who is seen as disrespectful and rude, I, siobhan serpent, do not believe in love, I belive love is not real, for me love will never be real, for me love will always be a word until I am shown it.
