Paraphernalia {Perrentes}

Fake Your Death

{TRIGGER WARNING!!!!}

Tony

I stood, looking at myself in the mirror. Only seeing a broken boy, with tears running down his face. I looked down at the crimson red liquid running down both my arms. I then looked up at the pills laid out on the counter. Just seeing them made me want to go through with my plan. I grabbed 10 of the mixed pills and shoved them in my mouth. I slid down the table and waited. I waited for the pills to course through my veins and the blood to drain from my body. I thought about how my mom would feel. How Tay would feel, but that all went away when my eyes began to get heavy. Everything began to go black. I let out a soft smile and slowly laid down on the cold floor beneath me.

My eyes soon closed and I thought that everything was done. The memories of Oliver. The bullying. The lying. The cheating. Everything. I heard faint sounds of my mom banging on the door and calling my name. That's when everything ended. I heard nothing. No more banging. No more yelling. I saw nothing. No lights. No blood. No pills. Nothing. Just pitch black.

~~~

I woke up the next day. I looked around to see machines everywhere and white walls. I sighed and looked at my patched wrists. I looked up to the sound of a door opening. "I see you're awake. I'll get the doctor." The lady said. I closed my eyes and tried to stop the tears from coming. I have to live with the hate. The pain of Oliver hurting me. It hurt so much. I was supposed to be dead, but I'm not. I'm here in a hospital bed trying not to cry. I opened my eyes to the door opening once more.

"Tony, I am Dr. Iero. You had a pretty bad accident two weeks ago." My face cringed at the words. I've been out for two weeks? "You lost a lot of blood, and you had various amounts of Oxycodone in your system." He explained. My face softened. "We've decided that you are going to be admitted into a hospital for troubled teens. It is called RichField. You are going to be put under suicide watch until further notice. I will be there every week for a therapy session." He told me. I looked at him and waited for him to finish.

"Do you have any questions?" He asked. I stayed quiet. "Alright. I will let you talk to your mom before you leave." He said walking back out. Moments later, my mom and Tay walked in. Both had tears running down their face. I looked away. I couldn't see the two people that I love look like this. "Tony, look at me please." I opened my eyes to the soft sound of my moms voice. Her eyes were red, like she's been crying for days. "Why? Was this because of Oliver? Tony you know Tay and I would have helped you through that." She cried. It broke my heart.

The doctor walked back in moments later, explaining that it was time for me to leave. I got dressed in the clothes that I arrived in just two weeks prior to my waking up. I said my quiet goodbyes to both my mom and my best friend. The doctor came back and led me outside to a bus with the name Richfield written on the side of it. I sighed as Dr. Iero led me to the door. He told the bus driver something as I went to the back of the bus.

There was at least 4 other people on here. I wondered what they were here for. I shrugged it off as I sat down and looked out the window. I couldn't help but let a small tear fall from my eye. I have disappointed the only two people that care about me. Now I have no one. The whole ride to this new place, I couldn't help but think about how to finish what I already started. I don't want to live anymore, and that is pretty obvious. I just needed a new way. A way that would work.

~~~~

"This is the cafeteria. Breakfast is at 7:30, lunch at 12, and dinner at 7:30." I zoned in and out as the nurse was giving me a tour of my home for the next year. I sighed as Ms. Gunn, I think her name was continued to talk. "Do you have any questions for me?" She asked as we walked down a long narrow hallway. I shook my head, and proceeded to follow her. "This is your room." She said as she opened a door. I looked around to see white walls, similar to the hospital. The bed wasn't really a bed, just to mats on top one another with a thin pillow and blanket. The window had bars, considering this was the suicide level. I turned to see Ms. Gunn giving me a small smile.

"Here is a pair of clothes. You will get another pair when it is time for these to be washed." She explained as she handed me the pale blue scrubs. I gave her a soft nod and closed the door so I could change. Once finished, I sat down on my new bed. I couldn't help but think about the pain that I've caused. The pain that I have been given. It all hurt so much. I laid down and let more tears fall down my face.

I'm just another teen statistic. And that hurt. When I get out, or if I get out I have nothing to look forward to. I don't have a boyfriend, my mom is disappointed in me and my best friend probably thinks I'm so emo freak. My heat shattered into a million pieces. Just the thought of not being wanted. The thought of not being loved hurt. I just wanted someone to feel the same way.

I slowly traced my hand over the wounds that I have inflicted on myself. More tears fell. I just wanted to feel something. I wanted to feel loved. I wanted to fell like I mattered and that is exactly what I got. To be loved by a small piece of metal is possibly the best thing I had a t the moment and no one may never understand that. I closed my eyes and tried to forget about the hectic day that I had.

I wanted to forget. But I cant. I cant escape reality. I am here and I cant leave. Maybe that is the worst part of living. The worst part about being a human. I slowly felt sleep consume me. Seeing nothing but black once again.

I am sorry. I am keeping this one I promise. Please vote and comment thoughts and ideas. Love you guys!!!