Paraphernalia {Perrentes}

CrushCrushCrush

Mike

"Do you know the definition of a crush?" Jaime asked me. I shook my head and looked at him. His eyes were the perfect shade of brown. His skin the right amount of tan. His hair was jet black. Everything about him was perfect. He chuckled which made my heart flutter. "Guess I should tell you then." He said, scooting closer to me. Our hands we centimeters apart. He looked at me and I did the same. "Well, to start its a noun." He paused and moved his face closer to mine. My breaths became shorter the closer he got. "It is when you have a infatuation for someone." His lips were so close to mine. My heart beat quickened. "It is only bad when that person is unattainable or inappropriate." He pressed his lips against mine, only making the butterflies in my stomach flutter.

He soon pulled away only making me pout. "I love you." I blurted our. My face soon got hot when all he did was laugh. I just embarrassed myself in front of the person that I loved. "It's okay. Because I love you to." I smiled and brought my lips to his once more. This time it was more passionate. I was hungry for his touch. His kisses. I was hungry for him period.

~~~

"Mike. Dude are you okay?" Austin asked taking me out of my thoughts. I shook my head and gave him a soft smile. I guess that is the best part about depression. You can fake being happy. You can fake a smile. You can fake a laugh. You can fake almost any and everything. I turned my head a little to the left to see Tony talking to Alex and his boyfriend Jack. I sighed and averted my attention back to  Austin and Alan. Austin was to busy trying to explain how Slipknot was one of the best rock bands of all time. But Alan had his attention focused on me. It was creepy at first, but then I knew why.

Alan may have been quiet. But he wasn't stupid. He knew when someone was hiding something. And I guess he sensed it on me. I sighed and excused myself from the table. I began to walk to the table where Tony was seated, but then something made me stop. A little voice in my head told me not to. That I was making the biggest mistake of my life. But I only laughed, because being here is a mistake. I sighed and made a short turn for the cafeteria door. I walked down the quiet hallway to my room.

Once there, I couldn't help but cry. I was acting like a fangirl, after her favorite band just broke up. I sighed and tried my best to stop the tears flowing from my eyes. This was all to much to handle. I have never developed a crush on someone this fast.   It was all to much to handle. That's when the voice came back. They little voice in my head was just to much to handle once again.

I got off the cold hard floor, and made my way back to the cafeteria. I was no longer crying, but thinking. Thinking about how I was going to end this. Thinking about how this would all be over soon. I looked over at the table where Tony was. He was smiling, while Alex and Jack laughed. It broke my heart seeing him happy. Only because it wasn't I who was making him smile. I sighed and put my head down on the table.

"Mike, are you sure you're okay? You're acting a little strange."  Austin spoke up once more. I sighed before responding with a muffled fine. I assume he nodded, because he didn't say anything. More thoughts just came racing into my head. The only reason I am in here is because my brother nor my father couldn't handle me. I was to much of a burden on them. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were before. Which was terrible, but not as bas as being in here. I sighed once more and lifted my head off the table.

"I am going to the bathroom." I announced to my friends before I got up. I made my way through the doors once more. I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes had bags under them. My face was pale. My eyes were red. I sighed and looked down. I turned the water on and looked in the mirror once more. I saw something shiny behind me. I turned around and walked to the small figure on the ground. I took it in my embrace. It was a safety pin. I smiled slightly.

I have my best friend once again. I turned the running water off and made my way to my room once more. I closed the door and sat down on my bed. I looked at the small piece of metal that was now in my palm. It was all so exciting. Having these urges finally being met after 2 months of recovery. Having my passion being fulfilled after having so many thoughts. I don't have to scratch my arms or thighs to feel something.

I opened the safety pin so that the pointy part was sticking out. I slowly brought it to my skin and made little marks. I then got to my wrist and the voice came back. It was urging me to do it. Encouraging me to end my life, right here right now. I sighed, before bringing the metal to my veins. I made one simple incision and that's when I felt it. The blood slowly dripping down my hand and onto the floor. I smiled. It would finally be over. I was finally going to see my mom for the first time.

~~~

"Were young and I love. Heart attacks are bound to happen." I told Jaime as I slowly ran my fingers through his hair. He leaned a little closer. "Tell me that it is only in our heads." He simple replied. I smiled and kissed him softly. "Tell me those three little words." Was all I said before our lips connected once more.

Hi, So how do you guys feel? Who do you think is going to find Mike. Or is anyone going to find him at all? What do you think about Mike and Jaime's relationship? (I will go into further details on it. And maybe if it ended or not.) Please vote and comment thoughts and ideas. Love you guys!!!!

Also, I was thinking about giving you guys a nickname. Just for my readers and my followers. If you have any thoughts or ideas, please message me or put them in the comments.